Monday, June 30, 2008

I need to stop worrying so much

I seem to be worrying a lot lately. I have some vaginal discharge, but my peri said it was ok. I just worry. It's clear with a cast of yellow.
It's hard for me to believe that everything is going to be OK for this pregnancy.
I worry what if the baby has something wrong with her/him and my peri doesn't want to do the cerclage.
I worry what if they find abnormal cells on my pap smear. I'm very prone to that happening since that is how I got an incompetent cervix in the first place. A long time ago, my obgyn told me that I couldn't feel when I had abnormal cells, but I told him I sometimes could feel something down there. (and then it turned out something was wrong at that time).
I guess it's hard for me to believe since last pregnancy my cervical changes happened so much earlier than most girls have (girls with IC, that is). I have the same drs. Although I have to believe in them, there is doubt since they messed up with me last time. My peri messed up, not my obgyn's office. I do think they are taking my case more seriously this time, but my peri reminded me last time that they usually don't do the stitch until 2 or 3 losses. Why are drs. like that? Why should women have to lose even one baby? I was high risk because of past trauma to my cervix (freezing surgery, LEEP), but yet my drs didn't monitor me last time. I was being monitored for cysts from IVF, not a short cervix.
Praying does help. It helps keep me calm - especially doing it before I go to bed.
I need to take my old advice and stop worrying until the challenge presents itself. (take things one day at a time) Everything is out of my hands and in God's hands. I do have hope that things will work out.


Monica H said...

I have hope for you too. SOmetimes that's all you can do.

As for your peri saying they don't do the cerclage until 2-3 losses, that makes sense but it doesn't. They usually don't know you have IC until after the first loss, because they're not usually watching your cervix that closely. With #2 they assume you have IC and watch it closer and do a cerclage. But I don't understand why they wait til the 3rd to do anything. That's just dumb and so hard on us!

But another thing I don't understand is why your peri (which is also my peri) would make you wait til the 3rd loss. When we were there he was very sympathetic towards our situation and told us it wasn't fair. He also said no woman should ever have to lose a baby much less 2 or 3. so I don't get why he wouldn't be doing more for you.

If you're concerned about your discharge, go to the doctor or ER just for your own peace of mind. Prior to placing my cerclage (he morning of) I had weird discharge like you were describing. I lost the baby 3 and a half weeks later. I'm not saying the 2 were connected, or that you will have difficulties, but i was worried about it and told the doc and she dismissed my worries.

Trust your own instinct and do what you need to do. And worry all you want. It doesn't usually do any good but sometimes it's all we can do to pass the time.

I know we've been saying for a few months now we need to get togetherand we never have. But if you'd like to (and I would) we can get together before you cerclage. If nothing else I can offer you support and pray for you and your unborn. Take care. If there's ANYthing I can do, please tell me.

JGirl2005 said...

Thanks for commenting, I feel much better today.
I would love to get together, but I have been keeping my outings to a minimum since I have been going to lunch with vendors at work that are in town for the past 2 or 3 weeks. I'm exhausted! I'm so behind on meeting with my good friends for lunch and I'm not sure I'll have time to meet w/them before my cerclage. In fact, a good friend moved to our city almost 2 months ago and I haven't had time to meet up with her. I have to do defensive driving this weekend. UGH! That is a whole day of my time.
I hope you had a nice and restful vacation and you and your DH are recharged.