Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cerclage is out!!

Cerclage is out- removal was painful, but only took 5 minutes. Deep breaths helped. Peri gave me a hug afterwards. I'm typing from my phone so excuse any misspellings. I'm 70-80 percent effaced and 1.5-2 cm dilated. Got to keep the stitch- will post pic in a few days. Baby's heartrate was 122 bpm- slower than normal but peri said it was fine. Baby is small at 6lbs 5 oz.
I had cramping when he snipped it-ouch!! I also have some spotting.
Happy new year everyone!! I think this baby won't come until 1-2 wks or more!! There is a twilight zone marathon today for those who can't get out tonight. Scifi channel

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

30 weeks - 35 weeks - what I did

This is what I did, it may not work for you.
At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with GD, so I decided to start doing more around 30 weeks.
I was walking to the mailbox and a little more if I felt up to it. I did feel pelvic pressure, but I think it was all the months of bedrest as I don't get that really anymore.

Stairs: Up and down once a day only. If I don't want to go down right away, DH brings me breakfast.
Showers: Once a day for 7-8 minutes - timed
Driving: Although I could drive at this point, DH won't let me drive anywhere with or without him.

At my dr. visit at 35 weeks I was told I don't have much of a cervix left. I'm not sure if this is because I've been walking around more. I had to walk around to help my GD, but honestly I think the diet is the only thing that is helping that. I only test 4 times a day once a week now and I do cheat here and there.

I had a shower at 33weeks and another coed shower at 35 weeks. I regretted not being able to stand up and socialize more at the first shower. By the 2nd one, I was up more talking to people - although it was a small shower.

I did go to the grocery store twice, but it was after 35 weeks and I didn't lift anything. I haven't been out to big box stores like target, but I hope to once the cerclage is out.

I do go out once a day to eat with DH. I feel more comfortable doing that. I've also visited friends/family who live in my same city. I didn't go out of town for Christmas to see my immediate family, but most came here to see me right before Christmas.

Discharge has slightly increased for me and I wonder if it is my mucus plug slowly coming out - not sure since I've had discharge almost daily in this pregnancy (sometimes more than once a day). Since I am so effaced - or my cervix is - I feel that I might not have much of a mucus plug. I don't know though.

I don't lie down as much during the day, but I do lie down after my shower (usually 15-30 minutes). I lie down about once a day or when watching tv.

I look at the IC forum and I see girls who didn't have to do bedrest and never had a shortening cervix. I think I couldn't do that although my drs felt I could. I then see girls who do bedrest and still have shortening. I think everyone is different and they have to do what is right for them. With the effacement news I received last week - I wonder if it is because I started doing more. OB says 'no', but then again he is the one along with my peri who told me directly NOT to do bedrest. I think it helps, but what do I know. Maybe there will be more answers tomorrow...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

OBGyn appt 35w4d-interesting news...

OB appt today. Dr. was running late - what is new, but he was there (shocking!). I had to remind the staff at the front that I needed an NST (something that can be done without obgyn there). They didn't have me scheduled for one- as usual. I guess everytime I check in now, I need to remind them. They were supposed to start my NSTs a few weeks before they did. Very annoying! I just wish I had told them sooner instead of waiting 30 minutes then saying something and wondering why I hadn't been brought back yet.

He came in while I was doing my NST and said it was textbook and everything seemed great. He asked me about my GD and I told him I monitor myself once a week per peri's orders. I told him my range and he said 'then why did you fail your GD test?' I told him because I was eating fruit for bkfst, etc. And I will go over if I eat a lot of carbs...

I always tell my DH that I'm a wannabe dr, so I asked the dr when he finally came into see me and measure me 'did the NST show that I was having a contraction at the end?' He said 'yeah, why? did you feel it'. I said 'not really, but I noticed the NST changed and I might have had a contrx because I had to go to the bathroom'. I just noticed the lines went weird at the end.

Interesting news:
Cervix is soft.
Dr. didn't want to check dilation because he didn't want to disturb things, but he said maybe fingertip dilated if anything. Cerclage is holding the cervix closed from dilating and he said if I was dilated more I would be bleeding (as I tear the cervix).
He said the baby's head is VERY LOW and in my pelvis (although I haven't felt the baby drop). My mom even told me on Saturday that I was still carrying the baby high.
OB said he thinks I am 80% effaced (!!!!!!) I think it kinda shocked him. He said 'well I thought I was going to come in here and think that you didn't really need the cerclage, but I think you needed it now. I can feel the stitch and your cervix is flat. Your cervix has changed'. I said 'well I have been doing more in the past 2 weeks.' He said 'that wouldn't affect it'. For those who don't always read my blog, my drs have never put me on bedrest but I put myself on bedrest and I'm 100% sure it has helped (DH is convinced too). My drs don't believe in bedrest.
I then asked him if I was 100% effaced (no cervix left) and he said 'no maybe 80%'. He then said 'don't be surprised if you dilate immediately to 3cm when they take your cerclage out next week'. DH asked if I will have the baby sooner and he said maybe not. I told him 'What if I have the baby in the next two weeks - you are on vacation?' He said 'well, you need to wait until I come back'. He still thinks I will not go into labor immediately. He said 'being effaced just means that labor will be shorter'. Hmmm....

On another note, I have been doing SO much this week. I spent part of yesterday and today cooking and standing up - making meals to freeze. We did go see a daycare today too. I've spent most of the day standing up and plan to do the same tomorrow - maybe I need to take it easy. I had more discharge today - I hope I haven't been losing my mucus plug slowly - especially with the effacement news.

Next post will be what I did from 30-35 weeks.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

OBGyn appt 34w4d

Well I had my first NST on Tuesday and it came back good. I was worried because my dr. wasn't there - he was stuck in surgery and the girls there didn't provide much encouragement or knowledge. They setup a nurse practioner who came to talk to me and she didn't even measure my stomach - she was being lazy. Wasn't confident in her evaluation of my results... She didn't provide much info. Baby did kick a few times, but also was sleeping part of the time. They offered to give me juice to wake him up and I had to tell them 'i can't drink juice due to GD'. So they gave me cold water...
I was worried because the baby is very sleepy - probably like his mom - lazy.
The positive was that the NST showed absolutely no contractions.
I called today to see if my dr had reviewed my NST so I could get his opinion. They said 'yeah he looked at it and said baby was responsive'. Gee, thanks for calling me.
Oh, I asked about circumsicion and they said they had no idea if the ob did these - like I said the girls were really helpful.
I go in next week for another NST and almost weekly after that. (except one week when I get an u/s at the peri's office). My peri said I didn't need NSTs, but honestly I am glad my obgyn is doing them. I think it's important to see how the baby is reacting.

On a different note - how much should we trust drs? The reason I say this is because I talked to my friend who just had a h.ome b.irth. She was so brave to do this considering she was high risk and had t.wins (but one didn't make it past 18 wks). We have the same r.e. and same peri. Peri told her that she would want to d.eliver the live baby f.irst and the babies were positioned that way. Well, she delivered the other one first. She said she asked about cord and they told her at peri's office that it was not around the babies' neck. Well, when he was delivered the cord was w.rapped around 3 times. She said a few things our peri told her were not correct. I know medicine is not an exact science, but geez. I don't know much about the cord being around the neck, but she said it happens earlier when the baby moves around and they should be able to see that on the u/s. But not to discredit my peri - she also had a 4d u/s and they didn't notice that either.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Two movie recommendations

Ok, want a movie that doesn't take much effort to watch? I have two movies for you!

I have to say that I like most movies and some might consider these bad movies, but I enjoyed them. But might expectation might have been lowered in mentally preparing for these movies, which meant I was pleasantly surprised.

We rented ShootEmUp with Clive Owen. It was a movie with a lot of violence and shooting (hence the name). Most people probably won't like this movie. The plot was not believable and neither was the over the top antics, but it made me laugh from the stupidity. This movie is sort of making fun of other action movies. I will warn my fellow deadbabymamas - this movie has baby loss in it, but I think in a positive way. Two of the characters lost a baby, but end up taking care of another baby that isn't theirs. My DH didn't want to see this, I rented it on netflix. He said at the end that he liked it too. He didn't even want to bother watching it and he likes action movies. I told him to give it a try.

Ok, this one is better...I promise.
I think RobertDowney and TomCruise are nominated for a golden globe for their roles in this movie. This is not a typical oscar movie though. It is relatively easy to watch - not too much to think about. Sometimes we all need one of those movies don't we?
The reason I liked it: I don't like TomCruise at all. I don't like most of his movies - just don't care for the guy. I did like Last Samurai, but not most of his movies. He has a minor part in this movie, but I love his part. He was not his typical self - maybe I just liked seeing him slightly overweight and balding. ha!
I don't like BenStiller much either - and I think he wrote this movie. I think I liked it because he wasn't the focus of the movie - there were so many people in it.
It was a funny movie.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

When do you write off friends?

Ok, I hope this post doesn't come across selfish sounding...I can probably blame hormones on this one. :)
It is very minor compared to other people's problems.

One of my friends emailed me the day before my shower to say she was working on Saturday and would *try* to come to my shower. This is after she RSVP'd for 4 people (her 2 kids and her mom). For the record, no one else brought their kids (or their moms and some people's moms I am actually close with). I have friends who just had babies in March, April and even last month and none of them brought their babies. I was kinda relieved - not because I wouldn't have wanted to see them, but because I'm sure people would expect me to hold their baby and I can't lift anything. Most don't understand about being on bedrest and I don't want to sound rude about not being able to hold their baby.

So when I got this email, I counted her out as not coming because I know her very well. I knew she wouldn't make it. I was kinda hurt, but honestly I assumed from the start that she wasn't able to come. I actually had to RSVP for her, since she was too busy to call my sister. She also asked me for directions to the shower and 1) i'm not hosting it and 2) that's just rude. I emailed her and said that the invite said how to get directions - said to call someone for directions (I mean don't people also know how to use It's funny how people don't read invites.

Well, she called me the day after the shower - and I didn't answer my phone. She didn't leave a message, but sent an email saying how she really wanted to make it, but her daughter had a fever. But she wanted me to send her pictures...ok whatever.

To add more background to this person, she didn't show up to my wedding either. She had the same excuse - that she had to work. I mean I understand people work on saturdays, but I'm not 100% believing it with her. She RSVP'd for my wedding for her and her daughter and never showed. I mean a call the day before would have been cool...I could have invited other people.

Oh, I think most who read will find this pretty interesting (as the rest was a bore)... :) She never told me that she was pregnant. Yeah...Well, she found out that she was pregnant around the time I had my loss. But I've never told any of my friends 'please don't tell me news'. I don't think I make people walk on eggshells around me. Well, the only reason I found out she just had a baby - was I emailed her and never heard back from her. I was worried and asked her sister who didn't tell me either. Then she emails me that she just had a baby in August. So she didn't tell me for her whole pregnancy...I guess I can't find fault with that, since I've kept my pregnancy under wraps (but not from good friends - mainly coworkers).

Oh, and when I told her that I was pregnant and that we were having a boy (she has 2 girls), she doubted that I was. At first, I didn't tell her. Actually I didn't tell her but she found out when she got the baby shower invite. She said 'are you sure? you should keep asking them at your u/s because I do that.' I said 'well they told me twice, but i'll ask again'. :)

I really want to write her off, but I probably won't. Honestly, I wanted to write off a few people who I invited to my wedding and never showed. I know things come up (sick kids, etc), but some people are just rude. I guess I would rather someone tell me from the start that they can't attend.

No offense, to fertiles who may read this blog, but I think fertiles make excuses not to attend showers just as much as those dealing with infertility. So those of us who have been through a loss, don't feel bad about not attending showers. At least you have a better excuse than most...
On a different note, I've talked on here about how my mom's friends try to give me gifts and suck up to me. Some are my age and I think they want to be my friends. I kinda have a chip on my shoulder about these people. I can't even go into what they have tried to do in the past - it's a mess. (including getting their children to call my p.arents -gma and gpa).(!!!!!) I think I am good judge of character and I don't like most of my mom's friends. I've also posted why on this blog before, but I'll post it again. My mom knows a c.elebrity and her friends are just there to meet this person. It is SO SO SO obvious - they are not genuine people. I kinda find it uncomfortable when my parents have friends who are the same age as me, but I know that happens a lot. My FIL has neighbors who he is friends with who are younger than me and DH. We both find it odd. I guess we don't mind so much as long as those people don't try to befriend us.

Last year, some of her friends tried to get me Christmas presents and some said they wanted to come to my shower (this was before my loss last year). Some have said they will b.ake a - not for my shower but for other family events - of course they will because then they get invited to the event. This c.elebrity would most likely be there and they know that. They tell my mom 'we just are doing it out of the goodness of our heart'. Well, I declined all gifts that my mom was trying to give me from them last year. I think this surprised her friends as they don't understand why I would try to decline them. Well, this battle has been going on for awhile and I'm so tired of it. So for this shower, none of them got invited - I would have flipped out if they showed up. I think my mom understands a little how I feel and she didn't want to upset me (to cause any preterm labor, etc). BUT one of her friends did get me a gift for the shower...I decided instead of fighting the battle just to accept the gift and not say anything. I feel bad that I sold out, but I'm honestly tired of fighting this battle. Around my loss last year, I was dealing with these people and I really don't want to get myself upset about the whole situation. I know I won't be friends with this person. I sent her a thank you card and I hope I never have to see her again. I'm so proud of myself that this hasn't bothered me that much - of course it irritates me or I wouldn't write about it on this blog. But I'm not upset as much as I have been in the past... :)

Friday, December 12, 2008

34 weeks!

I still can't believe that I made it this far. Wow...

Two and a half weeks until my cerclage is removed. I had a dream last night that the stitch came out when I went to the bathroom and I went into labor shortly after that. I guess I'm scared if something starts happening before the cerclage removal.

I think I will make it 2.5 wks though. I'm not traveling at all for Christmas - well haven't traveled anywhere since May. I hope my family gets to come up to visit us.

I also hope work is quiet next week - a lot of people take off at this time. So I hope work is quiet...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Congrats to Ariella!

She had her baby boy on Sunday, I believe.
I can't wait to hear more details and see some pictures. He was born a little early at 36w2d, I think. But I know he is doing great!!
Congrats Ariella! I'm so happy your miracle is here.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Thoughts on bedrest

So, last pregnancy I went into labor the night I went to the movies. Well, the process had already started and I don't blame the movie. But I went a few times to the movies in my last pregnancy and my uterus seemed irritable during loud movies. This time I said 'no' to going to any movies - well I did see Sex and the City when I was newly pregnant. That was the last movie I saw. I miss going. DH has gone a few times without me. I need to catch up on the summer blockbusters. I miss that I haven't gone with him since that was usually our date night-the movie theater we go to serves food. I want to go this month, but DH says 'no'. I miss it but I can put it off a few more weeks. (well after that it will be hard to go with a new baby).

I really felt my uterus was just more irritable mainly between 14-20 weeks. It's hard to explain, but I have two dogs and when they barked it drove me nuts. It still bothers me, but my uterus can handle it now a lot better. I know I mentioned before that I could never do weekly dr. apppts that most do with IC because walking to the drs. office would make my uterus irritable. Leaving my house to take a shower made me nervous and also made my uterus a little irritability. But now, I feel so better about leaving the house - I still get nervous, but I feel stronger. I think once the baby got big enough to not rest on my cervix, I could feel a lot better. I still get nervous when I go out to eat - will my water break unexpectedly? It did last time and I'm just scared it will happen in public. (to clarify it didn't break in public last time - it was the middle of the night in bed).

DH has turned 180 degrees. At first, he believed my peri who said I could do anything but waterski/jump on a trampoline. Now, DH is more conservative and won't let me do much. At first he was skeptical on my approach, but still supported me.
I don't drive and I probably could now, but he won't let me drive anywhere. Giving up things to be on bedrest is hard, but it is doable and to be honest the time is flying lately. I've been so conservative and then I think - well I've done it this long, I can keep doing what I am doing just a few more weeks. I am doing more lately - walking to the mailbox and going to stores, but I still lie down when I feel I have done too much. I've done most of my Christmas shopping online though.

The one positive thing about bedrest is that I've had time to work on things. For example, I made my own Christmas cards and already sent them out. I made them from a kit, so I wasn't that creative. It was time consuming though to put them together. I plan to do more scrapbooking too.

So I'm not sure why I'm rambling...just wanted to say what I miss, but what I can put off since it is worth it for the baby.
I don't really miss coffee, but I will want some after I deliver. I didn't care for the smell too much this pregnancy.
I miss hot cocoa. I didn't really get to drink it, but now it is colder and I want some. I can't drink it because of the sugar and I don't do sugarfree. I did drink chocolate milk or chocolate shakes earlier in pregnancy. I tried to limit caffeine but I did eat dark chocolate every few days. But I can give it up a few more weeks...
I miss chinese food and other stuff that's hard to eat with my GD.
Actually, I will cheat and eat one slice of cake at my baby shower.
I miss movies.
I miss driving.
I miss more social interaction. If I wasn't working, I think I would go insane.

As the holidays approach, I am thankful for what I have. I also think a lot about my online friends and pray that they are successful in getting pregnant, delivering, or staying pregnant. May your holiday wishes come true!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

OBGYN appt - 32w4d

Dr measured me and I forgot to ask about fundal height. Ugh!
Baby's h/b was same almost as yesterday. They always have trouble finding it on one side and I tell them that it's easier on the oppposite side. Once I tell them that, they usually find it easily. Had to tell nurse that last time too.

Dr was so happy that I've made it this far. He was smiling and saying he was so glad I made it out of the 'red zone'. So last time, not sure if I posted when I was 28w5d or so and he said 'well you don't want to deliver now' when I asked him if I was out of the danger zone. So I guess he feels more comfortable now at my gestation. I told him 'maybe I'll go into labor when they take the stitch out' and he said 'not likely'. Boo, he agrees with my peri.

I'm guess I glad that I kept both my drs. as they know my history.

He says I'll get NSTs at his office at each visit from now on. I should have done one today instead of waiting 1 hr in the room for my dr to come. I think I'll be getting them because of GD. I told him peri won't do them. I think I mentioned yesterday how my peri says he doesn't like NSTs, prefers the u/s biophysical profile. He said obgyn could do them.

Dr. asked me if I felt uncomfortable - I told him yeah I was tired - but only because I had to sit there for an hr waiting for him. I left off the last part when telling him though. :)

Dr said if I was excited to deliver in the new location - I told him that the hospital website says they new women's section won't until spring next year. He told me that is not true and he has delivered babies there already. I'm excited as I thought he had it wrong when it he told me that months ago. I was counting on delivering at the same hospital but the old area for L&D. He opened the blinds to show me the new section of the hospital - it's across the street from his new office.

Monday, December 1, 2008

32w3d peri appt

Baby is measuring 4lbs 9oz - 50th percentile
It had me measuring a week to a week and a half ahead. Who knows...
Heartbeat was 147bpm
Baby was smacking his lips.
Baby is still head down.
Amniotic level is perfect - always my concern since I've been leaking urine since 4 weeks pregnant. I told him I really wouldn't know if it was amniotic fluid except last time I felt a slight gush a few hrs before my water broke. My leaking urine never gushes like that.

Cervical length was 3.02cm - down from last time, but peri didn't even comment or look at it. It goes down around this time for normal pregnant women. In fact, most girls on the IC forum I frequent don't get measured after 26/28 wks. I've been walking more, doing more around the house and doing stairs daily. So I'm glad those haven't affected my CL too much...I bought a bunch of gift bags yesterday - went out to the dollar tree - but DH didn't want me to stand in line so I went to sit in the car. We also went out to eat lunch. So I don't plan to really wrap presents even though I probably could manage it.

Baby was measuring on target - all body parts, so they aren't concerned with my gestational diabetes. Peri said if baby was 90% percentile or something they would worry. He also said that based on my week long numbers that I'm really borderline if anything. My obgyn's office never gave them my 3hr results and I forgot yet again to bring them. They aren't good at talking to each other - I think that isn't good. I did have a rough estimate of my numbers and he said I wasn't past the 2nd threshold.

Peri was not too concerned, but then again I've never seen him stressed or concerned. :) Actually, I lied - the one time I did him concerned was at my cerclage placement right before they knocked me out. He saw my cervix was opening from the bottom and he looked slightly panicked. He has so much confidence and is so laid back that I'm not sure how he handles patients with problems. I don't want to find out.

So back to my gestational diabetes conversation with him... He said I don't have to do insulin and if I did, it would bring my normal levels TOO low. Yea for no drugs!
I did test my blood for more than 7 days as they suggested because of the holidays. So I tested for 12 days total. I went over twice - the day after thanksgiving (once) and yesterday (once). I was good on thanksgiving and didn't stuff my face and even cheated and ate a small piece of pumpkin pie & pecan pie. My levels on thanksgiving were great. Peri said just to stick to my diet and test only once a week (4 times in one day) and send them my results. He said he would throw out those two bad results since all my other ones were perfect.
Oh, I won't be doing stress tests, but I do get ultrasounds once a week starting at 36 weeks but really it will be more like almost 37w5d as I get cerclage out at my next appt - 36w5d and then he said once a week for a month. I like the extra ultrasounds as I didn't expect them. I've read online that some people get NST - he said the u/s are much better (biophysical profile). I told him I'll have the baby on dec. 31st when they take the stitch out. Peri said 'not likely, that's pretty rare'. :) He estimates I'll go into labor 2 weeks after stitch removal. Oh, I told him I wanted to keep the stitch and he said that's fine. :) I know I'm weird. I want to compare it to others as there are a wide range of which type people use. He said it looks like a shoe lace. I'm curious to see what it looks like.

Next peri appt is cerclage removal - I never thought I would make it this far!

I have a baby shower this weekend. I'm excited, but nervous as always that I could go into labor before then. For anyone who has been through a loss, the worry is always there.

Thanks for the support ladies! I know I don't have many people who read this blog, but I hope someone finds it useful. Monica, Ariella and Busted, I know you are pretty much my only readers. Thank you for being there!