Saturday, May 16, 2009

Date day...

Dre, I'm sorry you are on partial bedrest. I'm sure that must be hard with a little one -almost 3. How far along are you now? Good luck - you can do it! Keep your eye on the prize!

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm starting kinda early and just flaking at work today. No one will be working at my job anyway...

DH and I are going to clean our house and go to a movie (a date). :)

Work is such a pain lately, but hopefully I'm viewed as 'valued'. It's nice to get a day off -well plus Monday.

Friday, May 15, 2009

A year ago...

A year ago yesterday, I got a postive on an ovulation predicator kit, but was assuming I was pregnant because I knew I wasn't ovulating. I found out the following day with a postive pregnancy test and the day after that with a positive beta. This was the month after an early miscarriage from FET#1 and right before starting birth control pills for IVF#2.

The very weird thing is that my mom called me yesterday to tell me that it was my child's saint day (by his name). My aunt had gone to church and heard this and called my mom. So without knowing any of this, I picked a name for my child that has a saint day on the day I found out I was pregnant. I'm not a very religious person, but I think that is very strange!

This year has been very hard (even on my marriage), but I'm very thankful for my blessing. My DH had to do SO MUCH when I was pregnant and on bedrest and I think he still feels like he does a lot because I don't have a lot of time. If I stayed home, I'm sure I could do more, but I do work full time. I like working though - although I miss my child. It's so hard to leave him in daycare, but I trust the people. I look at pictures of my child throughout the day - to get me through the day. I think my DH doesn't want another child because it has been so tough. We both agree we wouldn't do IVF again (we didn't do it for our child). I hated myself on IVF meds, but that is a different topic.

A friend of mine says if she ever gets a tattoo, it would say 'be grateful'(or be thankful - i forget). Sometimes I think of that and even before I had a child, I was thankful for having a good husband. When I see people who are less fortunate than me, I have to think that things are fairly good. Life is hard.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

March for Babies

Today I did the march for babies in my city for the march of dimes. This is the first time I have done this event and it made me sad to see the many people wearing signs of lossed little ones. It made me think of my little boy, T. My company is a sponsor of the event. I did see more babies who made it though - even a 4 yo with a shirt that said 25weeker - 1lb something. Wow. I saw a couple who one or both work at my company that had a sign of a little one that survived a few days or weeks. I saw the heartbreak in their eyes as they didn't seem to have another child.

I think I will do this walk next year too. It was great - I was able to walk really fast and run a little - although you aren't supposed to run at all in it due to the number of strollers, etc. I only did it when there was open spaces. I'm still trying to lose baby weight. I met a girl who had a baby six wks early and her baby although only 4wks younger than my baby - is 6lbs lighter - she is so tiny.

There has been more heartbreak on the forums. Two girls in the last month have lost twins. One of the girls - it was her 2nd -2nd tri loss. My heart goes out to them and their families. I hope they can find hope to continue on. One had done many IVFs to get to that point. If I mentioned this before, I apologize. I hate that anyone has to lose a baby.

Happy Mother's Day to the moms (earth children and angel children) and moms-to-be! I promise to post more. Yeah, I know I have said that before. :) I hope those struggling with infertility and loss are able to get through mother's days - I know a lot of girls on the IC forum have talked about how hard that day is - and some are even pregnant. Being pregnant doesn't help the pain of the loss little ones...