Saturday, May 3, 2008

IF and politics

Ok, so this is a stretch, but something I read in the paper hit home with me just now.
The article was talking about Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. It said that they were calling older white women 'destiny voters' as these older white women felt like this was their last chance to see a women elected as president in their lifetime. They said black voters felt this was the first chance at the opportunity to elect a black president.

This makes me think of me and my IF and loss online buddies. I guess I'm self focused. :) Isn't it amazing, how non-related items seem to affect us? We feel like everytime could be our last time to do this or that we may never get pregnant (or never get pg again for those of us who have had a loss). That desperation is very different than the ignorant bliss of people trying for the first time. These destiny voters think it will never happen.

I always said that I looked at miscarriages as all the same. Yes, it is worse the longer you go in the pregnancy, but every m/c is the loss of a dream, the loss of a human. Even if the m/c happens early, that person may have thought that was their 'last chance'. That's how I feel everytime, but I'm 35 with multiple fertility issues.

I just dislike when people say 'it will happen' or 'don't lose hope, you will have a baby'. I mean it does provide some comfort, but I don't like when people who don't have kids tell me this because they have no clue how hard it was to get where I was. I guess even the fertiles who got pg easily can't relate. Even some of my close friends don't know we did IVF or how long we were trying, so they think it was easy for me to get pg the first time. Although, when we did announce our pregnancy, we said we had been trying 2 years. One of my coworkers, actually asked me 'was it an accident'. She is no longer my coworker, but how rude. I probably bitched about that before, but do you honestly say that to someone married for 3 years? I think she thought I was 25. People think I'm younger than I am. I love to tell people my age. Some new guys working with me, said they thought I was around 27/28.

I was sad last night as my friend had her baby and she had a boy. We were due so close together, so that makes it harder. She doesn't understand that and to be honest we aren't that close of friends. She just didn't know what she was having and then she had a boy. I have no idea why when people are having what I was having it just makes it harder. (especially close to my due date). I'm happy for her, but sad for me.

My due date is approaching. It would have been May 20th. It will be a hard day - who am I kidding, it will be a hard month. One of my friends actually acknowledged this by saying 'I know that next month is when your son was due.' That was nice and a lot better than most of my other friends.

Most of my friends didn't know we had a son. We didn't tell everyone that we buried our son - we try to keep that to ourselves. One of my friends isn't even trying -she is 34. Her DH doesn't even want kids to be honest. She does though. When I told her that I was pg in November she just said 'we kinda figured'. That is the main response that I received from people who guessed it since I was normally pretty skinny. Anyway, I went to happy hour with her and her DH a few weeks ago, when I thought I might be pg from my FET. DH went to happy hour for work. I opted not to drink and she was upset as she ordered a bottle of wine and her DH wasn't drinking either. She just looked at me and I thought she thought that I was pg and she just looked upset. Why are people like that?

Ok, thanks for listening -if you made it this far w/my rambling. :)


Monica H said...

I always feel like this will be my last time- given that I actually get pregnant. But in order to get pregnant, we have to try, right?

And yes, I absolutley agree with you when you say that a miscarriage is a loss of a dream and a loss of a human. But it's also a loss of faith and hope and security. It just sucks all over!

I don't understand why your friend was upset that you weren't drinking. Is it because she thought you were pregnant and she was upset because she is not? Because she wants to be? If that's the case, then that's something she needs to work out with her husband. If he doesn't want children (ever) than she needs to reevaluate her marriage. I can understand why this would upset her, but that's not your fault.

Ariella said...

I am so sorry your due date is approching. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

mrsmuelly said...

I will be thinking of you this month. The due date is hard...but it's really the days leading up to it that are hardest. At least, that's what I found.
As to your friend, maybe you can talk to her about her desire to be pregnant. Maybe the two of you can connect and share? It's always nice to find someone to share with - good and bad.

Oh, and yes...I'm on the MSN IC board. Thanks for visiting my blog.