Surviving the Holidays

A few days ago I got a book at Half Price Books - Surviving Pregnancy Loss.
It is a great book that is a pretty good resource. You can read whichever sections apply to you (ectopic pg, 2nd tri loss, etc). The book is old - from the 90s, but it still had great info. I sometimes question whether I had IC or not, but I turned exactly to the page that was talking about IC. Go figure.

We went out to dinner with my cousin and his pregnant wife and their 2.5 year old and a friend of his and their 2 year old. I was so scared that I would lose it. I was drinking a margarita when this friend asked me how I was feeling. I figured my cousin told him about the m/c, but I guess not. I didn't have the heart to tell him before dinner (or even after).

I named this blog 'More Sunshine after Rain' because I love when it is sunny. I also love the rain, but I thought it was good symbolism. Next year, 2008, will be sunnier than this year. I noticed I cried more on rainy days after our son's loss. On sunny days, I was still sad, but at least had some sunshine to make me happy. I live in Texas where the sun shines A LOT.

It has been 3 weeks and 1 day, since our son's loss. I was still spotting yesterday, but today it seems to have stopped. I hope it has finally stopped.

I was in a horrible mood when I woke up. I constantly think that we won't be able to have children. It is such as scary feeling. I must have had a dream that put me in a bad mood this morning. I read in that book the other day that Adoption should be attempted before 40. With me being 35, I'm sort of panicked about things. Things will work out though!!!

Next year we will have a child by Christmas or at least one on the way! I'm trying to stay positive here. Of course, we miss Tyler, but he would want us to give him a little brother or a little sister.