I had some extra time last week, so I stopped by to visit my son's grave. I didn't tell DH that I was going. I did tell him after the fact - we had lunch together...
It was sad to go, but do you know what made me more sad? I saw how many new additions there have been since I was there last. I spent time looking at other babies and some I guessed were not full term. (my assumption based on dates, etc). I spent time looking how people leave things for their children. I don't leave anything for my son and I really should. I had not visited since I was barely pregnant last year (I think).
Monica, if you are reading. I did visit your sons while I was there. I know you visit quite often. They are lucky to have a mommy like you!
I think I was crying more for all the people that have to visit there and it keeps growing more than crying for my own son. I know that sounds bad. I'm sad about my son, but I'm sad ANYONE has to go through a loss. I'm not sure if I am making sense.
I hope everyone has a peaceful Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it)! May you have a safe time with friends and family!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Brooke and Joe need our prayers!
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/
Annaleigh may not make it through the weekend. Please say a prayer for her and her brothers and sisters and Brooke and Joe who love her so, so much.
I was crying this morning reading about Annaleigh's condition. For those of us who have been through a loss, it brings up old feelings of the pain they are going through. Brooke and Joe are so strong and I wish I could give them a hug.
Annaleigh may not make it through the weekend. Please say a prayer for her and her brothers and sisters and Brooke and Joe who love her so, so much.
I was crying this morning reading about Annaleigh's condition. For those of us who have been through a loss, it brings up old feelings of the pain they are going through. Brooke and Joe are so strong and I wish I could give them a hug.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
DH mentions our 'first'
I've mentioned before that my DH doesn't like talking about the baby that we lost. But every once in awhile he will bring him up...
He told me he hates, hates, hates when people ask 'is this your first?' or 'when are you having your 2nd?' He hates these not for the reason I do though...
He told me last night on our way home from a party that he hates when people ask this because he wants to answer in the following...(but doesn't)
1) No, it isn't our first, but our first baby is dead.
2) This baby is our only living baby.
3) This is our SECOND baby.
I hadn't thought of that and it made me sad. I usually don't like people asking this because it is nosey. I hate this because of infertility as well. As someone who went through (will always deal with) infertility, it makes me sad that people can actually 'plan' their lives. That's right, some of us cannot just plan to have a baby and have it happen.
We were looking for a house and this sales guy asks me about 2 months ago 'are you guys just starting your family?'. I answered quickly, 'no we are starting and finishing our family.' It surprised him since I think he thought we were really young and we are not. I guess I am just rude. :)
I think I've said this before on here but my DH mentioned our 'first' another time about 3 months ago. He told me how he was talking to our friend and said 'there is nothing worse than losing a son (child)'. DH told his friend our 'first' son's name. Our friend knew about our loss, but didn't know the baby's name or that it was a boy. We are pretty private in that way. It was bittersweet that my DH talks to his friends about our 'first' son. It made me smile to know that DH thinks about the baby often. I'm sure other DHs or significant others are the same way about the loss of their baby(babies). They may not want to talk about it as much as we do, but they do it on their terms.
We will eventually tell our son about his brother, but not for a very, very long time.
I'm open with some people about our loss, but I haven't talked about it in awhile. I told my neighbor in December and we have become pretty good friends now. She told me that her mom lost twins when she was little, but she didn't know about it until she was 21. She says 'can you believe she waited that long to tell me?'. She knows her mom was about halfway through her pregnancy. I met her mom last weekend and I looked at her and knew her secret. She is a sweet lady, but I know the pain isn't something you can tell just by looking at someone. My neighbor complains that she is an only child all the time. I wonder if my son will complain to me that he is an only child. I wonder if this will make me sad because he isn't the only one.
He told me he hates, hates, hates when people ask 'is this your first?' or 'when are you having your 2nd?' He hates these not for the reason I do though...
He told me last night on our way home from a party that he hates when people ask this because he wants to answer in the following...(but doesn't)
1) No, it isn't our first, but our first baby is dead.
2) This baby is our only living baby.
3) This is our SECOND baby.
I hadn't thought of that and it made me sad. I usually don't like people asking this because it is nosey. I hate this because of infertility as well. As someone who went through (will always deal with) infertility, it makes me sad that people can actually 'plan' their lives. That's right, some of us cannot just plan to have a baby and have it happen.
We were looking for a house and this sales guy asks me about 2 months ago 'are you guys just starting your family?'. I answered quickly, 'no we are starting and finishing our family.' It surprised him since I think he thought we were really young and we are not. I guess I am just rude. :)
I think I've said this before on here but my DH mentioned our 'first' another time about 3 months ago. He told me how he was talking to our friend and said 'there is nothing worse than losing a son (child)'. DH told his friend our 'first' son's name. Our friend knew about our loss, but didn't know the baby's name or that it was a boy. We are pretty private in that way. It was bittersweet that my DH talks to his friends about our 'first' son. It made me smile to know that DH thinks about the baby often. I'm sure other DHs or significant others are the same way about the loss of their baby(babies). They may not want to talk about it as much as we do, but they do it on their terms.
We will eventually tell our son about his brother, but not for a very, very long time.
I'm open with some people about our loss, but I haven't talked about it in awhile. I told my neighbor in December and we have become pretty good friends now. She told me that her mom lost twins when she was little, but she didn't know about it until she was 21. She says 'can you believe she waited that long to tell me?'. She knows her mom was about halfway through her pregnancy. I met her mom last weekend and I looked at her and knew her secret. She is a sweet lady, but I know the pain isn't something you can tell just by looking at someone. My neighbor complains that she is an only child all the time. I wonder if my son will complain to me that he is an only child. I wonder if this will make me sad because he isn't the only one.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
IVF Oldest Lady and my thoughts about drs....
I promise I'll get to my DR post when I can find the link to a specific blog. :)
I will say that -that post- will be not DR bashing. (my normal mode). It isn't that I hate drs, but I really think people need to question their drs (around their entire care). Drs are not superhuman, Drs are not always 'right'...
It's not just around IF, incompetent cervix, etc, ppl really need to question their drs.
It uspets me when drs tell women on bedrest they can do more than they 'should'. They don't tell women a lot of times that they don't need a shower every day. Why don't they, because they don't want to inconveinence them. They tell their IC patients to just lay down, but still go out, etc. The women usually does less (like me on self imposed bedrest) but doesn't tell their dr. The dr in turn thinks that the women was 'normal' and the cerclage held or whatever the case.
It upsets me when drs give out clomid without monitoring. Yup, that was me. Although I had no known fertility problems, I was given clomid like candy with no monitoring. It is probably a good thing my DH's sperm was horrible that cycle or I might have had high order multiples (HOM). Which to some is OK, but for me with IC that would have been SOOOOO dangerous. I do ovulate on my own a lot of times and even thought i'm old (AMA), I still have some eggs left. Anyone considering going to an obgyn that just gives them clomid without monitoring of how many follicles they have should really reconsider. I sitll see my obgyn, but he won't handle my fertility care again (not that I plan to use fertility drugs again). This is why IVF and IUI get a bad rap where the general public thinks 6 or 8 babies is what happens. IVF is soooooo controlled. The o.ctomom - well her dr was stupid to put back 6 embryos or whatever he did....My RE would never do that no matter how old you were.
A lot of drs bug me....We were told from my DH's urologist that 'kids are overrated' when we told him we wanted to check for fertility issues - when we were first finding out it wasn't coming easy for us. That guy moved thank goodness. He told us other gems, but I won't put them on here. He was just a douche.
If you are seeing your general practice dr (I'm bad I don't go to mine much as he annoys me), question - question - question them on everything. I'm a drs worst nightmare since I bring a lot of knowledge or anything I read on the internet. I always say I'm a wannabe dr. One of my coworkers and I were talking over lunch about medical stuff and he said. 'ok dr. lastname'. I said 'I'm sorry but I really question these drs'. He confessed he is the same way. I said 'we need more people doing that'.
So now, Michae.l Jackso.n's dr is in trouble for giving him too much anethesia or something? Drs have a lot of control and it is scary. They operate on people when they shouldn't., they give people prescriptions when they shouldn't.....Anna nicole's drs probably prescribed too much.
Drs give out prescription drugs way to easily for my taste. I take 1/4 or less of what they give me. Yeah I was in pain after birth due to a 2nd degree tear but I didn't take the full bottle of ibuprophen 600mg or whatever the high dose was that they gave me...I have bottles of h.ydrocodone or whatever that I never took for IVF or whenever those were prescribed. After I had my cerclage, I think I skipped again the pain meds -h.ydrocodone. I need to throw this stuff out - actually I shouldn't even get the prescription and waste money.
I will say sometimes we have no choice but to trust our drs. That is very true too. Sometimes I don't have all the facts and you can't trust the internet 100%, so sometimes you have to put your faith in your drs. I've had to do that on a few occasions and it worked out. They do have a lot of experience. I see people online get cerclages placed a lot, but sometimes it is in emergency situations and they get drs who are not competent in doing these. They might get a dr who does a cerclage placement once a year. So whichever dr you choose make sure they have 'experience' in dealing with good patients and bad patients. I have mixed feelings about my peri, but honestly I've only seen him deal with patients who don't have issues (me for the most part and the other women he said he saw who didn't have issues).
Ok, enough about drs.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_re_eu/eu_spain_oldest_mom_5
The above article talks about a woman that was 66 who underwent IVF and had twins only to die at age 69. (with no one to take care of her twins). This article puts more myths out there about IVF, I'm sure, to the general public. A lot of people think there should be rules out there, but where do you draw the line? At what age is TOO old??? So she left twin toddlers....yes it is sad, but anyone can die right after going through IVF (they could be 30 years old -but hopefully they have a partner who can take care of the kiddos). I think if we had those strict rules in place (they kinda do, but this lady lied to her drs), that might discourage others from being surrogates to their daughters or sons. I have seen a few people on tv who have decided to be a surrogate for THEIR own grandchild and I think that is awesome especially for those of us with issues like IC (or with other issues such as no uterus, etc). If they said women over 55 couldn't do it, how would they get around this to be a surrogate. I don't know maybe they make an exception for that now. I just think that is a gray area with so many ethical implications. How old is too old to have a baby - with or without IVF/IUI?
I will say that -that post- will be not DR bashing. (my normal mode). It isn't that I hate drs, but I really think people need to question their drs (around their entire care). Drs are not superhuman, Drs are not always 'right'...
It's not just around IF, incompetent cervix, etc, ppl really need to question their drs.
It uspets me when drs tell women on bedrest they can do more than they 'should'. They don't tell women a lot of times that they don't need a shower every day. Why don't they, because they don't want to inconveinence them. They tell their IC patients to just lay down, but still go out, etc. The women usually does less (like me on self imposed bedrest) but doesn't tell their dr. The dr in turn thinks that the women was 'normal' and the cerclage held or whatever the case.
It upsets me when drs give out clomid without monitoring. Yup, that was me. Although I had no known fertility problems, I was given clomid like candy with no monitoring. It is probably a good thing my DH's sperm was horrible that cycle or I might have had high order multiples (HOM). Which to some is OK, but for me with IC that would have been SOOOOO dangerous. I do ovulate on my own a lot of times and even thought i'm old (AMA), I still have some eggs left. Anyone considering going to an obgyn that just gives them clomid without monitoring of how many follicles they have should really reconsider. I sitll see my obgyn, but he won't handle my fertility care again (not that I plan to use fertility drugs again). This is why IVF and IUI get a bad rap where the general public thinks 6 or 8 babies is what happens. IVF is soooooo controlled. The o.ctomom - well her dr was stupid to put back 6 embryos or whatever he did....My RE would never do that no matter how old you were.
A lot of drs bug me....We were told from my DH's urologist that 'kids are overrated' when we told him we wanted to check for fertility issues - when we were first finding out it wasn't coming easy for us. That guy moved thank goodness. He told us other gems, but I won't put them on here. He was just a douche.
If you are seeing your general practice dr (I'm bad I don't go to mine much as he annoys me), question - question - question them on everything. I'm a drs worst nightmare since I bring a lot of knowledge or anything I read on the internet. I always say I'm a wannabe dr. One of my coworkers and I were talking over lunch about medical stuff and he said. 'ok dr. lastname'. I said 'I'm sorry but I really question these drs'. He confessed he is the same way. I said 'we need more people doing that'.
So now, Michae.l Jackso.n's dr is in trouble for giving him too much anethesia or something? Drs have a lot of control and it is scary. They operate on people when they shouldn't., they give people prescriptions when they shouldn't.....Anna nicole's drs probably prescribed too much.
Drs give out prescription drugs way to easily for my taste. I take 1/4 or less of what they give me. Yeah I was in pain after birth due to a 2nd degree tear but I didn't take the full bottle of ibuprophen 600mg or whatever the high dose was that they gave me...I have bottles of h.ydrocodone or whatever that I never took for IVF or whenever those were prescribed. After I had my cerclage, I think I skipped again the pain meds -h.ydrocodone. I need to throw this stuff out - actually I shouldn't even get the prescription and waste money.
I will say sometimes we have no choice but to trust our drs. That is very true too. Sometimes I don't have all the facts and you can't trust the internet 100%, so sometimes you have to put your faith in your drs. I've had to do that on a few occasions and it worked out. They do have a lot of experience. I see people online get cerclages placed a lot, but sometimes it is in emergency situations and they get drs who are not competent in doing these. They might get a dr who does a cerclage placement once a year. So whichever dr you choose make sure they have 'experience' in dealing with good patients and bad patients. I have mixed feelings about my peri, but honestly I've only seen him deal with patients who don't have issues (me for the most part and the other women he said he saw who didn't have issues).
Ok, enough about drs.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_re_eu/eu_spain_oldest_mom_5
The above article talks about a woman that was 66 who underwent IVF and had twins only to die at age 69. (with no one to take care of her twins). This article puts more myths out there about IVF, I'm sure, to the general public. A lot of people think there should be rules out there, but where do you draw the line? At what age is TOO old??? So she left twin toddlers....yes it is sad, but anyone can die right after going through IVF (they could be 30 years old -but hopefully they have a partner who can take care of the kiddos). I think if we had those strict rules in place (they kinda do, but this lady lied to her drs), that might discourage others from being surrogates to their daughters or sons. I have seen a few people on tv who have decided to be a surrogate for THEIR own grandchild and I think that is awesome especially for those of us with issues like IC (or with other issues such as no uterus, etc). If they said women over 55 couldn't do it, how would they get around this to be a surrogate. I don't know maybe they make an exception for that now. I just think that is a gray area with so many ethical implications. How old is too old to have a baby - with or without IVF/IUI?
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Brooke had her babies!
I'm a week late in posting this. Ugh! I tried last week at work and blogspot was having technical difficulties.
She had her triplets and they are doing incredibly well! Keep the prayers coming! They are strong babies like Brooke and Joe!!
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/
I hope everyone had a Happy 4th of July! We had a neighborhood parade (with just the neighbors walking through the park). It was fun! We also ventured out to see the fireworks which is a huge feat because B.aby M likes to go to sleep before 9pm. He did cry, but did also look at the fireworks. We go to a place that isn't the main venue for my city. The view is great and the parking is easy!
Enjoy your weekend everyone!
She had her triplets and they are doing incredibly well! Keep the prayers coming! They are strong babies like Brooke and Joe!!
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/
I hope everyone had a Happy 4th of July! We had a neighborhood parade (with just the neighbors walking through the park). It was fun! We also ventured out to see the fireworks which is a huge feat because B.aby M likes to go to sleep before 9pm. He did cry, but did also look at the fireworks. We go to a place that isn't the main venue for my city. The view is great and the parking is easy!
Enjoy your weekend everyone!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Happy June!
Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile...I promise more posts. Things are hectic. We have been house hunting and that is so exhausting. We probably won't move - we love our backyard and our neighbors, but you never know. We have been looking casually for more than a year, but have been more serious about it lately. We spend a lot of our weekends going to look at houses. I'm tired!
Congrats to Schmoodle who had her baby! Toodle is here safely! Her blog is linked on the left - Busted Baby Maker. I'm so glad Toodle made it here safely and everything is well! Schmoodle lost her precious Doodles last year due to placental abruption. Welcome to the world precious Toodle!
Prayers for Million$$Baby - her blog is here:
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/
Last week her water broke on one of her triplets. (the boy) She is still doing great and is past 25wks. Babies stay in! She needs our prayers for continued baking of her triplets.
Also, on a non-IF note, yea US soccer for beating Spain yesterday! I loved how espn put 'US shocks the world'! I love when we do that. I'm not always watching soccer, but I do like to watch the world cup. I like to watch soccer. I also like to watch golf too. My favorite sport to watch is basketball though. Spain was the number 1 team who hadn't had a loss since 2006, I believe. Go USA! It means we will be at the finals on Sunday playing against Brasil of course. It isn't the world cup, but it is pretty cool that they are going to the finals for the conf.ederation cup. I love one of my coworkers who lives in France - he says 'do americans watch football?'. I think Europ.eans think we don't watch at all. A lot of my coworkers (that live in the US) watch soccer/football.
Next post: After much doctor bashing, I will talk about a doctor who *gets* infertility.
Congrats to Schmoodle who had her baby! Toodle is here safely! Her blog is linked on the left - Busted Baby Maker. I'm so glad Toodle made it here safely and everything is well! Schmoodle lost her precious Doodles last year due to placental abruption. Welcome to the world precious Toodle!
Prayers for Million$$Baby - her blog is here:
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/
Last week her water broke on one of her triplets. (the boy) She is still doing great and is past 25wks. Babies stay in! She needs our prayers for continued baking of her triplets.
Also, on a non-IF note, yea US soccer for beating Spain yesterday! I loved how espn put 'US shocks the world'! I love when we do that. I'm not always watching soccer, but I do like to watch the world cup. I like to watch soccer. I also like to watch golf too. My favorite sport to watch is basketball though. Spain was the number 1 team who hadn't had a loss since 2006, I believe. Go USA! It means we will be at the finals on Sunday playing against Brasil of course. It isn't the world cup, but it is pretty cool that they are going to the finals for the conf.ederation cup. I love one of my coworkers who lives in France - he says 'do americans watch football?'. I think Europ.eans think we don't watch at all. A lot of my coworkers (that live in the US) watch soccer/football.
Next post: After much doctor bashing, I will talk about a doctor who *gets* infertility.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Date day...
Dre, I'm sorry you are on partial bedrest. I'm sure that must be hard with a little one -almost 3. How far along are you now? Good luck - you can do it! Keep your eye on the prize!
I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm starting kinda early and just flaking at work today. No one will be working at my job anyway...
DH and I are going to clean our house and go to a movie (a date). :)
Work is such a pain lately, but hopefully I'm viewed as 'valued'. It's nice to get a day off -well plus Monday.
I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm starting kinda early and just flaking at work today. No one will be working at my job anyway...
DH and I are going to clean our house and go to a movie (a date). :)
Work is such a pain lately, but hopefully I'm viewed as 'valued'. It's nice to get a day off -well plus Monday.
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