More Sunshine After Rain

Birth Story!

2010-08-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

I was set to be induced on 8/27 at exactly 39wks. A few days before, I was having strong contractions...had contractions that were the real deal for more than a week. Friday showed up and it seemed like I would have to go through the induction...
I was supposed to be at the hospital at 630am, but they had no room at the hospital for us. Apparently, so many babies were being born that day. They called back at 7am to tell us to go in. It took awhile in traffic and when we got there there we had to wait. I saw my dr in the hall and he asked why I wasn't in a room yet. It was about 830am when I saw him and he was coming to break my water.
I finally got in a room at 915 and got started with an IV and pitocin at 930am. I started feeling what I call baby contractions and I told the nurse each time she came in to up the dose on the pitocin because they weren't doing anything. I probably get what I deserve next because of that.
My obgyn told them to break my water ASAP but they didn't want to. GRRRR
He also told me to get the epidural very quickly and they didn't want to give it to me until they broke my water. Oh, I was 70% effaced and 3.5cm I think...about the same from days earlier. I thought I would be more effaced because of my heavy contractions on the night of the full moon.
They came to check me at 12pm and I was 100% effaced and 4.5cm I think. The nurse broke my water.
Oh, my dr a few days earlier told me that he predicted I would have the baby between 12pm and 4pm but closer to 12pm (had I got induced at 7ish).
I had given my obgyn some hell about being at the birth and he promised he would. I had seen him for 16 or 17 years and I was always the patient in his office waiting hrs for him while he attended to people giving birth. He didn't deliver my son as I went before induction on a weekend.
Back to labor...
When they broke my water I told them to line up the anthesiologist...that always takes forever.
Well from 12pm to 1pm was the worst pain of my life. I can see now that the epidural did work last time even though I still felt pain. It was agony. I was't yelling but I told my DH that he better get the nurse and get my epidural ASAP or some pain meds. I wasn't too happy with the nurses as they didn't come in at all the whole hr and I was not on the monitors as I kinda ripped them off and I was sitting up and they don't work well. Even with no baby or contraction monitoring, the stupid nurses didn't come in. If you are a nurse, I am not saying all nurses are stupid, they just really messed up in my case.
After my DH called them a few times, they finally came in at 1pm with the anesthesiologist. I stood up on the side of the bed and told the nurse that I had to go BM or I was ready to push the baby. She was shocked. I was holding her so tight...kinda serves them right, but I don't envy their job. She quickly checked me and saw I was 9cm. To recap, I went from 4cm to 9cm in less than an hour!!!! She called the dr and told him to come ASAP...he was doing a circumcision but quickly ran over. At this point my contractions are on the scale of worst pain ever and coming every 1 to 2 minutes. That whole hr...it was every 2minutes or less.
I thought I was too late for the epidural and they told me that they had given it to people at 10cm(!!!!). It was hard for them to do it since my contractions were every 1 minute. My obgyn came in when I was getting the epidural and asked me if I wanted to wait 5 minute or push now. I told him I would wait to get some affect from the epi. They gave me a quick dose and it was semi quick to take affect.
I don't know how long I pushed for, but to me it was less than 10min, maybe even 5 minutes My obgyn asked if I wanted the mirror and I said yes. I probably shouldn't have because it was kinda not the best sight in the world. I know ppl say that childbirth is beautiful, but...He thought it was great incentive to get me to push. It did kinda help to see how I was doing on pushing. Last time I was able to see feel the contractions and push when they came like you should...this time the epi was too new that I couldn't feel the contractions but the dr just told me to push all the time.
It was a quick labor and that is good, but I wish I had had the epi longer. Kudos to the medication free mamas, not sure how you do it especially for multiple hours at a time. I complain, I had a quick labor.
Baby came at 1:21pm.
I got to hold her immediately and me and my DH asked the nurse if she was a girl as we didn't check right away. I got to breastfeed her right away and that was awesome. She did great. She is already a much better feeder than my son was.
My DH got to cut the cord. I am sooooo happy that my obgyn got to deliver her.

I should have written this down sooner as I am sure I forgot some details. I hope my readers made it this far.

Issues/Thoughts
Baby Girl has jaundice problems, but she had blood jaundice which isn't related to breastfeeding. My son had mild jaundice. Hers is much worse and we are doing the light treatments on her (which is hard while trying to BF). BFing is going so much better this time around. I may still have supply issues, but so far so good. She isn't too sleepy on the breast like my son was. I kinda used to blame the epidural and hte pain meds on the sleepiness of my son, but my drs say that ibuprophen can't do that. Who knows? I do think she didn't have time to get much of the epi in her system before birth. I am taking a low dose of motrin and I really am minimizing taking anything. My pedi said that moms in pain don't make as much breast milk, etc. So I did take her advice into account too..

I am a probreastfeeding hospital. What does that mean? Well, they don't give out the formula free diaper bags anymore. Bummer...I still wanted that even though I will BF because I know I will have to supplement probably at some point. Oh, I am having to supplement because of the jaundice..makes it go away quicker. So far she has gotten 5 oz, so not too bad for 3 days of life...This time I did use the SNS right away (that is the thing that you breastfeed and give formula at the same time. I think that helps instead of straight formula from a nipple as I did with my son. My obgyn gave me free samples of formula and i have some home if needed. I guess it is a good thing that they don't give the ton of formula samples out...

We named her S.ienna and she was 7lbs 1oz at birth and 19.5 inches.

My DH and I decided to do two hrs in the nursery on two different nights. I have mixed feelings about this. My BFing books (I got a free book from work) says to room-in with the baby. I did that last time the whole time as I was a worried mama. This time we took a break to get more sleep. I will say that baby girl is a much better sleeper so far. She is a very different baby from my son. On both nights that she went tot he nursery for 2hrs, they kept her more than 2 hrs which kinda pissed me off. I think it can hurt your supply by doing this, but it DOES help sleep and energy level. I didn't do it my last night (had to stay longer due to jaundice) and she was a quiet baby.

She did lose weight. About 2% the first night, 8% on the 2nd night, and they said if she reached 10% they would have me supplement. I started to supplement before this happened anyway because it pushes out the bad jaundice in her system. Like I said, I've only give her so little and still was able to breastfeed at the same time.

Things are going smoother hte 2nd time around...labor was more difficult but recovery has been easier.

Thanks for the support everyone! I really enjoy having an online community of friends.

Cerclage is out!

2010-08-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

I am 36w4d today and the cerclage was removed. It was painful, but only lasted 1 minute. No pain meds needed. It isn't fun, but I can live.

I am 1/2 cm dilated and 50% effaced - that is less than I was with my son. Boo...

Although I am trying to enjoy being pregnant for the last 17 days before induction...this is my last pregnancy and I want to remain pregnant the full time. I might complain later due to the heat, but for now, I am fine.

My peri seems to think I will last 17 days. I would like to go into labor on my own, but very close to the full 17 days.

Baby did great on the biophysical profile. GD counselor spent 1 min talking to me...I am too easy for her and she wants a challenge. My numbers are mianly always good and I don't follow the diet to a T. I do cheat here and there.

Baby was moving around a lot which is good because I have been worried about her for the past 2 days.

She is about 6lbs 8oz - plus or minus a pound.

Thanks for the support! I am in the homestetch.

32-34 wk update!

2010-07-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

I have posted in awhile.

I had an obgyn appt at 32 wks and they pissed me off because I just left a urine sample and they put me to another office and wanted me to do it again. Ugh! I just was so rude saying 'I can't go again, I just went 5min ago'. I told them to walk 5 steps to go get my sample. They were just being lazy - stupid people.

I saw my peri at 32w4d and he did another FFN test - it was negative! He was joking and said that he could see my cerclage and it would be so easy to take it out. The nurse said 'don't you dare'. The baby barely passed the biophysical profile (needed due to GD). Ugh...She moved, but didn't want to practice her breathing.

I went to the obgyn yesterday at 33w6d. I made them do a NST on me and I think the idiots there forgot about me and I was on the machine for 40min instead of 20min. Baby was very sleepy and not very responsive. Between that and last week's BPP, I am kinda nervous. She kicks a lot, but she is kicking in her sleep and they want the h/r to go up right after kicks. She finally did it yesterday after 30 min. I think that means I should have failed the NST too, but they said I was ok.

I talked to my dr about induction since I have GD and he said 38 closer to 39wks. So I may have a baby by August 27th or earlier! He said 50/50 chance of me going sooner.

Oh, I also got my cerclage removal date last week. It will be on August 10th. I'm counting down the days. I'm able to do a lot more now.

My family threw me a shower on Saturday. It was so much fun and really girly! I will have another small shower hosted by my friends. The first one was small too. It is just fun to get girl clothes as they are so cute.

I'm still hanging in here and hoping to get to 38wks. I'm greedy as I want a baby who is healthy and doesn't need NICU time.

A friend of mine who is 1 wk behind me has a cerclage and didn't do bedrest at all during her pregnancy. Well, she had some shortening and I told her that I would do bedrest. She ended up doing that, but her water broke 3wks ago at 30wks. She is still baking her little girl! I think that is amazing! I think her drs will induce her in 1 more week to ward off infection. She had issues with her first child too...shortening even with a cerclage. These things just aren't as good sometimes even when things seem to be going well.

Great website for baby size!

2010-06-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

My reference website for baby size and length:

http://www.babycenter.com/average-fetal-length-weight-chart

4-29wks - what I did (with a toddler)

2010-06-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer::::
******
This is what I did. You really have to figure out what is best for you. Bedrest/no bedrest, stairs/no stairs whatever...Listen to your body and factor in what your drs say with a grain of salt. If you haven't read other parts of my blog and you land here...I really believe in the power of bedrest. It works.
******

4-12wks, I was more conservative than last pregnancy. Why? Well, I wanted to work all the way until cerclage but I had a lot of bleeding due to a hematoma (SCH). I had to stay home at least two days because of bleeding. On those days I had red/pink/brown spotting and jsut stayed home and didn't even work from home on those days. I was supposed to travel with work at 8wks or so and I told my boss that I couldn't.
I had discharge sooooo much until I had my cerclage. My drs said it wasn't because of shortening but it was because of the hematoma (cervical irritation). Well, then I still had it for a week or two after the hematoma.
When the hematoma came out, it was like a blog with some tiny pink spotting.

Then I had my cerclage and decided to take 2weeks of my vacation for after the surgery so work couldn't tell me anything and I didn't even need to work from home.

During the time I had my hematoma, I was told not to carry my son much...one of my drs told me I could take care of my son (not my peri surprisingly). I did take care of him but minimized lifting him.

The following really applies to 4wks to 29wks (and beyond):

Showers: Every 2 days until I had shortening at 27w4d. Now, I shower every 3rd day.

Stairs: during the week, once a day. on the weekend I did about 2-3 times a day...asked my friends for help after the cerclage...on those days, I didn't have to go up more than 2 times. I really tried to go up two times a day.
Stairs after shortening: 1 a day even on weekends...means my husband has to feed DS and bring me lunch.

Diaper changes: If i really had to and my husband wasn't here to help me, I would change his diaper on the floor (so I didn't have to lift him). I am 29wks and still do this. It is better than me carrying him to the changing table.

Playtime: I play with my LO on the floor. I lie down or I'm on the couch and tell him to get me a toy or get me a ball for me to throw him. He sometimes climbs on the couch with me and tries to jump on my stomach but I cover it with a pillow. It is sometimes hard to play with him but if he is good, he knows to play a little independently while mom is lying down. When he throws a tantrum it is really hard...sometimes I get down on the floor with him and lie down with him, etc.

DS's naps: i had to rock him for naps on the weekends which was hard for me. Now, I don't have to do this, but I still sleep with him at night and I have to pat him down for his nap or DH has to drive him around.

Eating out: This time I ate out more even during the scary period for me 16-20wks. We went out to eat once a day on the weekends. I never had discharge, which I did last time. Eating out sometimes saved me one trip up the stairs to play with DS. Also, after eating lunch, DS would nap in the car and then DH would bring him in and put him to nap with me.

Discharge: Had some after BM like last time, but not when out and doing stuff. Last time I would get yellow stringy discharge (not a lot)...this time not a drop. Well I would have the tiniest spot of peach discharge (twice). I think it was irritation from the cerclage and so tiny that I never called me drs about it. Some discharge is normal during pregnancy...Also I had no bleeding/spotting when my cervix shortened...weird I thought I would have that. I have no idea if it has shortened more because of that.

DS' care during the day: DS goes to daycare. My DH and I got into a routine where I would take him in and he would pick DS up. We did this until I was on bedrest (last 1.5wks)...when DH took him and picked him up. Daycare was closed a few days and I had to take care of him. Oh, DS had his ear tubes placed when I was 17wks pg or so and that was hard...I couldn't hold him and after his surgery he was going crazy (legs and body kicking and going everywhere).

Working: worked from home from 14wks to 23wks and then went back to work before my 23w5d appt to see how things were holding up. Worked at the office from 23-27wks until I had shortening. Oh, I had a handciap permit, so going into work was easy and I didn't have to walk far. I would go out to eat daily with my coworkers. They would pick me up at the door since they knew I couldn't walk to anyone's car.

DS is dear son, by the way. It is the lingo for the bump.com. Sorry if that isn't clear..DH is dear husband...:)

Modified bedrest from 27w4d until at least 29w4d (maybe longer depending on my next appt). I did take my son into daycare today because my husband was having to work. I had to go get some blood work anyway, so had to leave the house.

I am sure I am forgetting something...if so I'll update this after this line.
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28weeks! (and obgyn appt)

2010-06-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to be 28 weeks!!!

I have a rough week, but I hope to hang in there for several more weeks. I put myself on modified bedrest on Tuesday - 3 days ago. See my last post to know why...

I had an obgyn appt today with the fun glucose test. I was planning to talk to my dr about what he thought about my peri appt from Tuesday. I instead was seeing the nurse practioner...I told her what happened as she didn't seem to get the update from my peri. She looked very concerned and said 'I hope you aren't going to work'. I told her that I was working from home. She told me to take it easy and not to do any chores or leave my house.

Then I ran into my obgyn on the way out and he asked me how I was doing. I just gave him a quick update and he was concerned too...he told me to take it easy. The NP was there behind me and said 'she knows her stuff' and my obgyn said 'yes, she does'. They were confirming that I am a crazy patient. hahaha. Well, really, they were confirming that I will push my peri and really question him. It is frustrating when my drs disagree, but I told them I was already on modified bed rest. I will do stairs, but it is hard not to with having a little one. I am going to take it very easy though.

I am happy to be at 28wks, but want this baby baking for at least 8 more weeks.

27w4d peri appt - mixed news

2010-06-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

Baby is doing well. Measuring at 28wks at 2lbs 9oz. Fluid looks great.

H/B is 158bpm.

Now, for the not so great news...

CL was measured at 1.3cm or so via abdominal -my peri's office only does these unless they can't get a good look. The u/s tech didn't say much, but just said 'well that is why you have the cerclage'.

This pregnancy: I have a toddler, but did do bedrest for 2wks after placement. CL was 3.8 less than 4wks ago. I worked from home from 14wks to 23wks and I've been doing a lot more the past 4 weeks including walking around at big box stores (Kohls, target, etc). Before 23 wks, I was down most of the time - self imposed modified bedrest.

Last pregnancy: I put myself on bedrest the entire pregnancy. I was able to work from home, but was inclined most of the time. It is hard to do now, with a little one, but last time I did this and look at the difference. CL held at 2.8 - 3.2cm the entire time.

My conversation with the peri...

DR: All looks well with baby!
ME: I'm concerned about my length.
DR: It is low, but you are fine.
ME: I think I saw minor funneling at the top on the u/s. (My peri on my last pregnancy told me that he never sees funneling...GRRRRR....the last time I had funneling was with my loss - delivered 2wks later when we saw funneling but I was 13wks when I had funneling ). It was minor and not below the stitch but it was there.
ME: Can you guarantee that I won't deliver in the next 2wks? jokingly said...
DR: You won't. I guarantee but we can take another look.
(Who knew just saying that would put the dr. on the spot.)
DR: Remember you have a weird, tilted cervix, but I'lll still take a look. He never does my u/s. He does u/s -abdominally and can't get a good view. He then says he will do the fFN test. I've never had this done. He said he will do that to ensure I won't deliver in the next 2wks and also he will do the transvag cam because he can't see what is going on, but did confirm my suspicions on the minor funneling. It is like a small dip at the top of the cervix. The CL measures 1.8-1.9cm.

ME: Waiting, waiting, waiting for him to come back. He comes back with the stuff to do the ffN test. I'll get the results later today. He does a manual exam and says that my cervix is closed, etc.

DR: 'I'll be surprised if the test comes back positive'. As he was leaving...'at least the ffN test should give you assurance about the next 2 wks, but if it comes back positive, we will talk steroids and bedrest'. That is the first time I've ever heard him say that - the word 'bedrest'. He also wants to see me in 2wks instead of 4wks which was my next appt. Then he says this 'you are good for 2wks and I would probably even say the next 7wks.'

Blog readers, you know how I b.itch about my dr....he is so relaxed on everything. He constantly tells me about other patients...
Like today he told me that two of his patients have no cervix left but are 35wks and 31wks. Last time, I was 35wks and pretty much didn't have any cervix left. He said one of his patients - her obgyn put her on bedrest for 3months which he was upset with. Ugh, I am firmly believing that bedrest WORKS WONDERS. Part of me has thought that maybe I didn't need it last time, but with the lowest CL that I have ever received, I am thinking it was smart to do it last time. I will try to do less now. Work wanted me to travel next week and I said 'no way'. I was considering it, until I heard this news. I will work from home the rest of this week and then see how I feel.

My thoughts: Bedrest works...drs don't know everything...and I was finally diagnosed at 35wks last time...this time, there is no doubt that I have an incompetent cervix. Always question your drs...He would not have done the u/s to verify the minor funneling had I not told him that I saw what I thought was funneling. At 28wks last time, I think they still measured my CL, but after that they didn't. I've heard that with IC, you should expect the length to drop at around 28wks, if you truly have IC.

In 4wks, my length went down from 3.8cm to 1.8cm.

Please keep us in your prayers/thoughts!

I am 28wks on Friday, but I want her to keep cooking a lot longer...I was so nervous that I forgot to ask for another gender guess as 4 wks ago, they couldn't see and confirm (although I have been told twice).

She is measuring right on target. She is head down. Last time she was breach and I asked if that made my CL so long and was told 'no'. Other news: I have my 1hr glucose test on Friday. I really think that I have it again. On big meals, I have gone slightly over, but I didn't one day when I had a lot of carbs (pasta and bread). I told them to test my urine today and there is no sugars in my urine, but we will find out on Friday if I need the 3hr test. I am preparing myself for the worst on the GD front.

I just started walking as of yesterday - walked about 10minutes around the block. I went to Target for the first time this pregnancy on Sunday. I went to Kohls about two times so far. No more shopping for me in big box stores...

I will take it easy for the next 2wks.

24weeks! (and obgyn appt)

2010-05-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I am 24 weeks! I am so excited. I hope I keep this baby baking for a lot longer though. I am happy to have a long, boring pregnancy in the heat of summer.

I had an obgyn appt today. Dr. is very happy with my progress. On the way to my appointment, I saw my RE (fertility doctor). He was on the phone, of course, but interrupted his call to say hi to me and to say I look great. I told him that I was 24wks, etc. He was very happy. Last time he saw me, I had a hematoma that was marked as a threatened miscarriage.

My obgyn kinda rushed me, but I guess he was in a hurry. I asked him about swimming and his response 'it's ok to swim and I would prefer you do that instead of walk or run'. I will have to tell my husband, but I am betting he still won't let me swim with my son. I asked him about getting my tubes tied and he had some standard answers for me and said 'we won't do it unless you are 110%'.

I asked him if the baby was down and he said he would feel and said he couldn't tell because the baby is still so small. Last time, the girl could feel that the baby was heads down.

Thanks for the support ladies! There are many times that I didn't know if I would make it this far.

23w5d -peri appt

2010-05-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today, I had my appointment and I had asked my mom to go with me. She had 4 kids, but never has seen an u/s.
The baby didn't want to cooperate much as she was facing my back and breach. My mom asked the u/s tech to re-verify the gender and she couldn't do that. Other than that, it was a great appt. The tech actually did the 3D view of the baby and they NEVER do that at my peri's office. I know they *can* but they choose not to do that for people. The u/s tech was being nice probably because my mom was there.
Of course even when she did it, the baby's face was hard to see. We saw a little of her face. Her nose looks like my son's nose.

H/B: 152bpm
Weight: 1.5 lbs - last time at the same gestation I forgot to write down what it was...
Cervical length: 3.8 plus. Wow...my bladder was completely empty, but baby was high up and breach (not on my cervix). I asked the dr if that made a difference for the length and he said 'no'. I am so happy with that because that is longer than last time and I returned into the office yesterday. (instead of working from home). I am not sure she got a good measurement since at first she said it was really hard to get it because of the baby's position. She even said 'well if we can't get a measurement, we just don't take it'. With the cerclage they don't care as much (at least with a proactive one...).

They didn't want the dr to see me, but I decided to pay extra and wait for him. Last time at this same gestation, they wanted to do the same thing...
My mom and I had some time to burn, so we waited for him.

He was really nice to her and spent time talking to me about topics that aren't related to me really. He was telling my mom and I a few stories...
He said one of his patients lost a baby at 23wks and didn't want a cerclage on her 2nd pregnancy. He said she is now 21wks with her bag of water hanging out and he told her she needs the cerclage. He never worries about people, so I am glad he is at least telling that girl that she NEEDS the stitch. I hope things work out for her. I am not sure if he wanted to scare my mom, but he told her that cervical issues and people losing babies is an epidemic and they are seeing a lot of cases. I said 'oh because ppl wait to have kids and then they have multiples' and he said 'no, we have 18 yo girls with singletons all the way up to 40 yo ladies with multiples'. He said there are so many ppl who have IC issues that he doesn't know why. I was really surprised by that comment especially from him.

He told my mom that I could travel and that I could do anything really even have sex. After the appt, she told me that she thinks he is not very conservative and that I have to take it easy and listen to my body.

I asked the dr if I could swim and he said 'yes', but most likely I won't as DH thinks it isn't smart to do for infection. I agree. DH didn't go with me, but I gave him a full update afterwards. I asked the dr about my intenstinal problems and he said 'it was ok and wouldn't hurt the baby, but if it continued to talk to my obgyn'. If I ate something raw (which I never do...) he said I could get a bug that stays in my intestines for awhile and they might have to treat it. Ugh...He said I could take kaopectate or immodium for diarrhea, but I really haven't had any stomach pain since Sunday. I hate taking stuff, so I won't unless absolutely necessary.

Oh, a few people on the IC board that I frequent have wondered when the danger zone for IC is and if the hips really take over the baby's weight. I still think the danger zone for IC rearing its ugly head is 16-24wks. I think the baby's danger zone is still 24-28wks though....I do believe the baby's weight does get more on the hips around 24wks for *most* ppl, but I believe it has to do with your frame. This gestation last time my length had grown from 3.0cm to 3.3cm. This time it grew from 2.8cm to 3.8cm. I think at least for me, my hips have taken over. (maybe around 22 or 23wks.) My obgyn told me that the danger zone for IC with a cerclage is before 20wks, but I am not sure I buy that.

Thanks for all those who read...I know there are a few who read but don't post. That is ok, if you don't comment. I still appreciate you following my progress.

22w6d - Obgyn appt

2010-05-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up to some loose bowels and some pain. I decided to go into the obgyn to make sure I didn't have an infection. Last time around this time, I had been diagnosed with BV and a UTI. The pain I felt was semi similar. I did capture my urine and thought it looked ok, but I am no dr. ;) I can kinda tell when it looks cloudy.
I got in with the nurse practioner and she said my urine was fine. They checked the baby on the doppler. She listened to my intenstines based on where I told her the pain was and she said they sounded irritated. She asked if I had diarrhea or vomiting. I said I had loose stools. She said most likely it was something that I ate and to eat very blandly over the next few days. bananas, rice, apples, toast (BRAT). I was glad that she didn't have to check inside my vagina.(like last time). Had my urine showed something, she would have...She offered to, but I declined if she didn't think that is what it was.
I was sick a few weeks ago, but that was vomitting and diarrhea.
I am just hoping that is all it is.
Oh, she asked me 'did you go out for cinco de mayo?'. I said no, but I did grab some food yesterday for lunch. I ate some spicy chips and I think my body doesn't appreciate spicy food with pregnancy.

Life is fragile...

2010-05-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

I found out this week that a friend of mine lost her baby boy. He was full term and had a few problems besides spina bifida.

We are not that close, but I didn't even know she was pregnant. She doesn't live in my city. I am thinking she didn't tell a lot of her friends because she didn't know what was going to happen with the baby. His lungs just never developed due to some bladder issues.

I only found out because she posted an angel pic on her online profile.

I hate that the world gets any more moms who lose their babies. I have to say that she is the first dead baby mama that I know in real life. I have met so many online. It really is sad that anyone has to go through this.

She and her DH are in my thoughts and prayers (and her other living son).

It is just a reminder on how fragile life is...

OBGyn Appt - 19w5d

2010-04-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

I had an obgyn appt today. I have been so bad about writing stuff down to ask my dr and writing down what he says.

Stats:
Heartbeat: It took her awhile to find the h/b but my phone was interfering with the doppler (damn phone). It was 150something bpm.
Weight: 4lbs - more on this later.
Blood pressure: normal - forgot what it was...I was talking to the nurse about her wedding - which is in 2years but I love wedding talk. :)

My dr told me that I look so much more relaxed this pregnancy. I told him 'oh I am still nervous, but I feel good and I have been doing more'. He said 'well you are out of the danger zone'. Ugh, I don't really believe that...but....He said the danger zone (with no cerclage) is 16-18wks. I think it goes beyond that, but oh well. He said he was happy to see my file and to see I hadn't had any issues in the last 4wks (in his opinion when he thinks things go badly).

He asked about spotting/discharge and I said I have none. I have less than last pregnancy. I do have some milky discharge after a BM, but that was the same as last time. Last time I had yellow discharge if I did too much...my peri thinks I may get more discharge as the baby grows and puts more pressure on the cerclage. The cerclage is a foreign body and the body does put out more discharge with it.

I told my dr that last week I had a bad vomiting spell. I threw up for about 4 hrs straight - everything I ate/drank including water. Ugh! I had a stomach bug. I was finally able to get chicken soup down and small sips of water and gatorade. I never called my dr. I asked him about it and he said it won't hurt the baby and as long as my urine is not dark yellow/orange I probably was getting enough liquid. I was worried that I should have gone in after reading others who had a stomach bug and suffered severe dehydration.

I asked him when I will be tested for GD and he said '28wks'. I said can't it be sooner and he said if they do it at 22wks, they would have to do it again at 28wks. Ugh! I told him I was tested at 8wks and he said he didn't see that in my file. I told him I am kinda eating like I have GD and he said keep doing that. I do cheat a lot though.

Oh, I asked him about my urine and he said it was fine. I told him that yesterday I thought I was getting a UTI or something. He asked if I had burning and I said 'no'. But I never get the common symptoms...I am a crazy patient I guess!

I always forget to ask about weight. I asked the nurse as I was walking out. She said 'well the dr. has your record up, but it looks like 4 lbs'. I said 'are you sure and is that ok?' She said 'well last time you had lost weight and this time you just gained 4 lbs'. She said that was my total. I am pretty happy with that amount. I have really been trying to eat well. I also crave healthy items with this pregnancy and I try to make more food. I am not relying on my husband for food all the time (like last time), so I am eating less junk food. ha!

I am counting down the days until 24wks. I know that is not a magic day really and plenty of people who go into labor then don't have a good outcome.

I feel a little better the last week or so. Not many braxton hicks contractions, feeling stronger somehow, etc.

Thanks for checking up on me!

Big u/s results!

2010-04-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

To compare my results last time, please go to August 2008.

I go in for my u/s and then talk to the dr.

The u/s tech is pretty rushed but walks through everything.

h/b is 162bpm
Baby is measuring 18w5d - 19w. I am 18w6d today.
Baby is 10oz - which is strange since last time baby was 9oz but I was measuring ahead by 4days. Who knows?
Cervical length is 2.8cm - that's ok for me (last time at this time I was 3cm and doing very little. Now I have a little one and have to do more...more on this below per DR).

She was moving around a lot and rolling.

The u/s tech said everything looked good. She checked gender again and said that we are still team pink. The baby is head down (right now).

I guess I am surprised they even measured my cervical length. Why you ask? Well, because last time the girl said 'we don't measure it everytime'. Duh, they did last time and I think they should!

Dr. said all was well and asked if I am still having braxton hicks contractions. I said yes, but I have less of them. I told him that I was really out of breath two weeks ago, but I was stressed due to my son having surgery.

He said the baby looks good and it lowers my down syndrome rate to 1 in 1500. I asked him specifically what that meant and he said long bones, good bowel, and a ton of other stuff that I didn't write down. I am so happy that all looks good with her. He said my risk for Trisonomy 13 - I think - is 1 in 52,000 or something like that. Yes, I could still have these issues, but he said that Tri13 is found in 90% of u/s at this point (very obvious signs). Down syndrome could still be a factor, but is less likely.

Ah, about cervical length...he said 'it doesn't matter what the length is'. Then I said 'as long as the stitch is holding and he said 'yes'. He said 2.8cm is normal and they would worry more when it is 2.5cm (more so with someone with a cerclage I kinda gathered from him). He wanted to see me in 6 wks, but then started looking at my dates and said '5-6weeks'. I scheduled it less than 5wks (well by one day....) because the girl asked me which day was better for me. I told her I didn't want an appt on the 13th because I am superstitious. She just laughed. The dr said 'if you are scared and don't want to go six weeks, just give us a call and we will see you'. That is nice of him and I think the first time I ever heard him say that...

I am still scared and taking it easy. I work from home everyday and will go back to work around 23/24wks. I have some friends who help me with my son on the weekends (most weekends). The weekends are very hard especially because he had surgery, had a 24hr bug and is always sick which means he is miserable and throwing tantrums.

Thanks for your support!

Next post: What I did from 4-12wks and also a post about an obgyn nurse that I got to talk to for 30min (my work set me up with a nurse to monitor my pregnancy - more on why, etc).

I decided to get a temporary handicap placard!

2010-03-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

My friend put the idea in my head as she said several people at work had done this. I didn't do it last time since I thought it would be a pain to get it and I didn't want to go wait in the tax office.

I was debating about going in to get one since it involved getting down somewhere and standing or sitting for long periods of time.

The first step was asking my dr. I asked my obgyn since I know my peri would think I wouldn't need one - he thinks I am normal. My obgyn gave me a prescription that said 'complicated pregnancy' when I was 11weeks. I asked him what to do with it. He said 'I don't know, I just give people this and they figure it out and get it'. Gee thanks! My friend who mentioned it to me at the beginning asked someone at work to give me the info on how to do this. Of course, she was saying 'oh sure I will help you'. Well, I got nothing from her...

I looked up online and I had to fill out a form and take it into the office. Hindsight, I should have just mailed it in. I got to the tax office today at 12:10pm (grabbed lunch via drive thru on the way). The wait was horrendous. I should know better than going during lunch, but I wanted to time it with my lunch as I don't get to get lunch out much. I took my number and their stupid system has numbers that don't go in order....great...I decided to walk back to my car and sit there for awhile. I parked pretty close. I waited about 30minutes and then went back in. Again, I had no idea where they were in the process because they don't go in order...But I stood for about a minute and then someone left their seat and I quickly grabbed it. Yea! I waited there another 30minutes and finally they called the number before mine so I knew they hadn't skipped over me. Then I waited for 10 more calls - which was the 30min...and finally they came around to my set of numbers again. The girl was quick and the window I was at had a chair (most you have to stand). I got two placards for $5 each. You can get one or two.

A good thing to know is that my dr. put that I needed it until November on the prescription, but they only issue the temporary placards for 6 months. Glad I didn't get it sooner as mine expires in September!

Now, I'll feel better if I have to go to work. I work in a different building than last pregnancy (even though I worked from home after 12wks) as I have to walk a little further to get into the building. The handicap placard should help! I wasn't planning to go into work until 24wks but I may have to attend a meeting between now and then. I am not sure. Still, I am glad that I got it if my husband and I go out as we can park close anywhere now. I will use it once I return to work too at 24wks.

I am glad I endured the 1hr headache to get the placards!

OBGYN appt - 15w4d

2010-03-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am posting this two days late.
Babies h/b was in the 160s.

One of the nurses took my blood pressure and asked me about swelling, etc. Then she says 'oh, so you have an easy pregnancy with no complications'. I said 'no, I am high risk with a cerclage'. It is funny that they think when everything else looks good, that you are fine 100%. No, it isn't *that* easy being me...

I didn't see the dr. and the nurse practioner was kinda in a bad mood. I still have some itching down low, so she took a look at it (as my dr forgot to write down what I needed that I should only take in the 2nd trimester - nice.) I got a steroid/fungal cream and I really hate to start it as it says not to use if you are pregnant, but they told me it is ok with minimal use. Ugh!

I had some yellow discharge this week, but my urine looked good and I don't have any contractions. I didn't really want her to swab my vagina. She did it last time (same nurse I had at 24wks when I had an infection...), but I prefer my dr. I had it only once and discharge is normal for me. I had discharge a lot -last time. I just never had brown discharge and hope to not have that anymore (I had that in the first trimester due to a hematoma and maybe some cervical shortening).

Everything else is OK. I take it really easy. My day is taking my son to daycare and my husband picks him up. I come back home and work from home. My boss has been great about letting me work from home. I may go into the office next week for a meeting, but I am hoping to get a handicap parking permit.(maybe) I have a different boss than during my last pregnancy, but he is pretty good at letting me work from home. I told him I will start at 24wks going into the office. Last time I worked the entire time at home.

On the weekends, I have been getting some help from friends.

Oh, the nurse tells me that they found atypical cells on my cervix from my pap. Really? WTH? I would think they would have called me for that. I had my pap over 4wks ago. She said 'but your HPV came back negative, so they will just wait until after you have the baby to check you out again'. I didn't bother to ask her, but had the HPV come back positive, they might have had to do a biopsy and I would have freaked out as I can't have that with my cerclage. I hate, hate, hate getting pap smears during pregnancy...I know sometimes they cause atypical cells due to hormones. Ugh! I forget if they call it atypical or abnormal cells on the cervix...nothing new for me as I had that before (but not while pregnant).

I have gained 5 lbs, but not sure if that was from my last appt. I hope it is total, but I didn't ask them.

Sickle Cell Trait

2010-03-15T14:58:00.001-07:00

I have finally been diagnosed with sickle cell trait. It doesn't mean much right now during pregnancy.

My son was born with it. I knew he would be, but my pediatrician insisted I must have been tested by my obgyn and she didn't think my son would have it. We found the first month of his birth that he did have it. My sisters have it and I suspected that I had it forever. Only one of her kids has it though.

I just assumed I had it, but when I had genetic counseling my counselor told me that my husband should be tested. We have not done that as he doesn't have risk factors for sickle cell trait. Risk factors are African-American. I am 3% African (not African American) per a DNA test my sister took. The guy who gave it to her said I would be about the same. Anyway...My major risk factor for having it is my European heritage. So some people who have ancestors from Spain or the mediterranean could have this.

My obgyn finally tested me for this and yup I have it. Big surprise!

My peri said that the only time it is worrisome is not just if my husband has full blown sickle cell anemia or trait, but if my husband has some other blood disorder that mixes with my sickle cell trait. I asked my dr about blood disorder testing a few times before and asked him about it for this pregnancy (monitoring needed, etc). He said it isn't a blood disorder as others who take lovenox, etc. I found it interesting that he said my husband could have something that mixed with my weird blood thing. I don't worry about it, but I am just putting this info out there.

Post opp checkup-cerclage 2

2010-03-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

Today was my follow-up after my cerclage two weeks ago. Oh, I bought a doppler, but I really don't like to use it much. I have tried it twice and only found the h/b once. More later on this...

They do the u/s and I have a tech that is new to the practice. I ask her if she will measure my cervical length and she said they only do it every other appt. uh what? Anyway, she measures it at 3.4 or over. I count it as 3cm.

The baby looked great. I am there without my husband as my son is sick and had to go to the dr. I ask about gender and she sounds kinda reluctant to do it, but finally checks it out. I am shocked to find out it is a GIRL!!!! When she was first looking, the baby was moving a lot. I am happy about that because I haven't seen the baby move much in my past appointments. The 2nd time she looked I thought I saw 3 lines and I thought girl and then she said it. At first she said she wasn't 100% as it was early. At the end, she said she is pretty sure though...I was so shocked that when she left I called my husband and he is over the moon and more shocked than me!

We did an intelligender test and I don't think I posted that. I was a little over 10wks and it looked like 'boy'. My husband said he was 100% sure it was right. He even told some people based on that test. He is still not 100% convinced because he asked me to do the intelligender test again. Oh, that test says it doesn't work if you have PCOS. I am pretty sure I do not have that, but it made me wonder.

H/b was 160something. I didn't take my notepad in so I am having to go by memory. She did the baby's crown to rump length and I didn't see it say 14wks or whatever. But she said it was 8.6cm or something like that and I saw on this other website that is inline for 14 wks.

She got some great pics of the baby, in fact better ones than I ever got from the other u/s techs. She left it on one of the profile pics and when the dr came in he said 'that is the best picture'. Although it wasn't the anatomy scan, he went through and told me what he could see (the liver, the heart, the brain, the spine, etc).

I asked him about the surgery and how it went. I said 'well i didn't get to talk to you' and he said 'you did talk to me, you just don't remember'. :) He said I kept saying thank you. He said they put the cerclage higher as they could see where it was placed last time and could manage to do it higher. Maybe that is why my length is good at least now...I don't know but I hope it stays over 3cm the entire time!

I really like to talk to my dr and he really spends time talking with me on just stuff that is interesting. For example, I asked him if I woke up from anesthesia and he said it wasn't that I woke up but it took me awhile to get down. I was moving when they tried to get me comfortable. He went ont to say that there is something different that propofol (sp?) and with that one sometimes they don't know how much to use on someone. He went on to talk about it for awhile.

I asked him about the doppler and I told him I wouldn't use it everyday since I am scared to. He said 'you can'. I won't as it has been hard to find the h/b. He gave me advice on how to find it. He is very patient with me and my million questions. He said 'give it 2 wks and it will be easier to find'

I told the dr that I have felt movement and it seems earlier than last time. He looked surprise. I told him that I also have bh contractions and he sad movement causes those. I said I had bh contx since 9wks. I am pretty sure I felt movement, but my husband doesn't believe me. I think my placenta might be really forward or something. It is part of the reason why I haven't freaked using the doppler because I feel the baby. It isn't consistent this early, but I feel taps. Last time I felt them around 16wks but I didn't know it was movement.

Thanks for reading!

Trying to Conceive and Acupuncture

2010-03-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

I started acupuncture in 2008 when I decided to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer -which failed). After my loss in 2007, I had a lot of anxiety. My eye was twitching due to the stress of losing a child. Acupuncture really helped me in that. I found it very relaxing, which was pretty unusual for me since I hate needles. After going through IVF, needles became more of the norm. It is sad that I've had so many blood draws that the ladies at the lab know me.

I decided to go to a place that specialized in fertility. I decided to continue going to acupuncture, but not while I was pregnant. I went for relaxation. It is pretty expensive though.

I want to share my story because I really think acupuncture can help people get pregnant. I have mentioned this a few times on my blog, but I want to summarize my experience.

At first, one of my friends recommended acupuncture. She and her husband were going due to infertility. My friend's husband (like mine) had a bad sperm count. She thought acupuncture could help. In the end, it didn't help him in this area, but the thing about acupuncture is that the acupuncturist looks at your whole body. What I mean by this, is I hate regular drs because when you visit a normal dr they ask 'so what is wrong with you'. Then they say 'oh let me write you a prescription for x and good luck with that'. This is what I hate about drs. For eastern medicine, it is SOOOOO different. You go in and they ask you 'what cycle day are you at, how is your mood, are you getting enough sleep, what other issues are you having besides infertility, how are you eating, do you go to the bathroom once a day,etc? They look at the whole body/person. I like this approach.

Ok, so back to my story about my friend. They asked him 'do you have any other issues' and he said he had back surgery several years ago and because of that surgery he lost some feeling in his leg. Well, they decided to try to solve that problem. Like I said, they couldn't fix his sperm problem but guess what...they were able to bring back feeling from his leg. I found this story amazing and so did my husband. My husband did not want to go to acupuncture though. I decided to go for me even though our main infertility issues were male factor.

I really think it helped me get pregnant both times. I used to kind of hold it against my husband since I put all of our infertility issues on him. Of course, I love my husband, but I felt our issues were due to him. This was hard on our relationship. I didn't tell him this, but I kinda blamed him. Well, after I had my loss I knew it wasn't his fault completely...my body failed too...

So, in 2008 I went to acupuncture only a handful of times. I do think you have to go several times for it to make an impact but here is my whole story (which isn't elsewhere on my blog). I went during my FET as I said and I did get a BFP, but I had an early loss. Well when I went through that early loss, they told me to come in. So I went in to get acupuncture even though I knew I was losing the baby...they were trying to save the baby, but honestly if the baby had a chromosome problem (most likely) -it was not something they could fix. I went in anyway and they gave me some herbs to take to help with the miscarriage process. The next month I got pregnant on my own. I guess my husband's sperm improved, but maybe there was something wrong with me too. My dr was amazed that I got pregnant because around ovulation my HCG was not down to zero. I did not go during pregnancy because although some people go, I do not like taking any chances. My drs definitely told me not to go before my first u/s.

In 2009, I went to acupuncture twice. Yup, the whole year I went only twice. It was hard to get away to go. In the past, sometimes I went on the weekend which was impossible with my son. I also sometimes went after work or during lunch. This was hard to do in 2009 too because I was pumping during lunch and had a lot of meetings where it was hard to take a 2 hr lunch. Acupuncture does take some time. I do admit that one time I went I was not completely relaxed because I was stressed that I had to get back to work for a meeting. Oh, I went in April 2009 to help increase my breast milk supply. They did do points specific for that, but it did not help me. See, it does not always work. Although to be fair, not much helped me with breast milk production. I had a lot of issues. I did breastfeed for 11.5 m, but I had to supplement almost the entire time. I even took Reglan to help me produce more and even a strong drug only helped me so much. I have heard that women who went through a loss or through infertility have breastfeeding issues. I don't know though. I have heard that Reglan has now been recalled, but I am not sure since I asked a dr last week aboout it and they said it was not recalled.

In December I decided to go to acupuncture. I was still breastfeeding, but had a little more time during pumps and during work. December is slower at my work. I went for relaxation in December. It turns out, I went around ovulation time. Everytime I go, I see someone different but I like some more than others at the place that I go. They all approach things differently. Well, I get to my appointment and I am late by 20 minutes. I was in a rush and had not eaten breakfast or lunch and it was now 12:40 or so. The girl that I see is one that I had before who is very serious about her work, not very friendly/chatty. So, she asks me the questions and honestly I just say 'yeah, yeah, yeah'. They always ask me if I am tired...hell yeah...I have a baby. But they always ask if my digestive issue are ok and if I am eating well..I just shut her up by saying 'yeah, yeah, yeah'. Well a lot of times they look at your tongue and they measure your pulse...not all of them do this, but most of them do. So, she looks at my tongue and says I need IRON. Then she is taking my pulse and asks me again 'are you sure you are eating well, 3 meals a day'. I kinda say yes again and then she says 'well your pulse is saying feed me'. I was amazed. I told her 'well I actually haven't eaten today yet' I don't tell her how amazed I am at her skills, but I really am. I had here before and she had amazed me before. I am now telling my friends this story to convince them to try acupuncture.

Do I think it helped me get pregnant? I think it did at least this time. I went around ovulation. Because she told me I needed iron, I started taking my prenatals again. She gave me an herbal supplement but I do not like taking those most times and didn't take it due to me breastfeeding. She said it was safe, but I hate taking ANYTHING while breastfeeding (even when I don't breastfeed). I don't know. I think it can help with infertility issues. When I hear that people do not have periods or they have endometriosis, I think acupuncture could help them. I think it can help with PCOS. Now, if you don't have an ovary or a tube, not sure it can help with that. It also can't help with incompetent cervix. It may help with preterm labor or irritable uterus...I don't know for sure though. As I said, I recommended it to two friends who have non-infertility issues. They have not gone though.

Let me know if you have any questions. My next post will talk about diet and trying to conceive.

Baby on Lockdown -Cerclage #2 placed

2010-02-24T06:20:00.000-08:00

http://moresunshineafterrain.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-on-lock-down-cerclage-story.htm

I'm attaching the link to my first cerclage placement in July 2008 mainly for background info.

I have to start out by thanking everyone for your support and your thoughts/prayers. Thanks y'all!

I had my surgery scheduled for 12w4d on a Tuesday-exact gestation and day of the week as last time. Well Saturday I started feeling really sick with a scratchy throat and a low grade fever. My little one is sick, has been for awhile, but I rarely, rarely get sick. My husband says I have the best immune system. So Saturday I started thinking maybe I already had an infection...because I don't usually just get a common cold. The fever continued all day Sunday. I decided to get my husband to take me to get some Pho, vietnamese soup (chicken variety helps me when I'm sick). I make it spicy with the red sauce and some fresh jalapenos. (it comes w/those) I started feeling better but my fever was still hanging around. Sunday night I broke down and took some tylenol...I hate taking stuff when pregnant. Heck, I hate taking stuff when not pregnant. I know they do bloodwork about 48 hrs before my surgery and it came back normal, but I have no idea what they test. I'm sure they can't tell if I had/have an infection.

Well, Sunday night I had cramping too due to an irritable uterus as my little one wouldn't sleep and was screaming. My husband tried to help, but he sucks at putting little one to sleep. So, when I finally took him back...he fell asleep in 1 minute. He just likes sleeping with mama, but my husband was pissed it was so easy for me to get him to sleep as he had been trying for hours. I have a very irritable uterus and little things set it off -my dogs barking, my little one crying (I hate that it does), other loud noises.

Monday, I took it easy and took the day off from work. Over the weekend, I only left the house to go get some soup. Monday the nurse calls to tell me the directions (don't eat after 3am, etc). She asks me if I have a cough or a fever. Monday my fever was gone, so I said no. I've been having a cough in the morning...well I cough one time and I think it is allergies. I was probably more worried about having a fever and they wouldn't do the surgery.

On Tuesday, the day of surgery, I had the worst luck ever. Snow was falling on the way over to surgery and on the way back...we never get much snow. We got the most snow since 1985. Not only that, a rock hit my car and now I have a huge chip in my windshield. We get to the surgery center and I'm not nervous about the procedure, but I'm more nervous that they will detect a fever or my dr won't show up due to the bad snow. Mind you, we are not prepared for snow where I live. It is also bad luck because all the nurses are kinda distracted because of the snow falling. I think they are short stacked and they are worried that they will have to pick up their kids. I think the nurse was so distracted that she never took my temperature before the surgery. All my worry for nothing...

The anesthesiologist comes to talk to me. I see what they are giving me...never noticed last time. It is propofol (sp?). I think that is the stuff that Michael Jackson used to go to sleep. Then another anesthesiologist comes and she was the lady that I had last time. She says she will give me the exact amount that they gave me last time. When I was 12, I woke up in surgery due to not enough anesthesia. Well, yesterday apparently I started waking up, so they gave me more. ugh! I need more details. After the surgery, my dr came to update my husband but he didn't write anything down. I was still out because of the 2nd dose of stuff they gave me. I didn't have nausea this time though! Yea! I always get that.

Oh, I forgot to mention that if you read what happened last time, my husband told me I was only back there for 5 minutes in surgery. Yesterday, I reminded him of this and he says 'oh no you were back for 20-30 minutes'. Ugh, that makes more sense now. I ask the dr and he says 30 minutes and I was in surgery for 30-35 minutes. I noted the time this time.

The dr told my husband that the baby's heartrate dropped from 150 something to 140 something, but it was normal. Last time, the baby's h/r didn't drop, so of course that makes me worry. He says he could see where they placed the cerclage last time. I think there are 4 points of insertion. The dr says he put the cerclage in a different location this time. Avoided those puncture wounds from last time and did it on clean spots...Oh, the nurse did take my temperature after the surgery and it was normal. Oh, before the surgery, I asked my dr about stairs and he said I could within the next 10-14 days, but to only do it once or twice a day. He says 'well you can run a marathon now, but it will cause bleeding, but it doesn't mean you are losing the baby. But you will bleed if you do too much' He is talking about the next 10-14 days on bedrest while the cervix heals. Don't you love the comment about doing a marathon. My dr is not conservative at all. Of course, when I tell him 'I'm going home to play in the snow.' He says 'you want to take it easy today'. I told him that I was joking. :)

I hope infection stays away and that the cerclage holds until full term. Even though it worked before, I still get scared that it won't work.

If you don't want the TMI details, stop reading now. I'm writing the following info because I know people who go through cerclages want to be prepared on what to expect.
Last time, I had red spotting immediately and then pink on the day of and the next day. I had peachy spotting for one week or more. I had bad cramping the entire first day or surgery but really bad at night.

This time, I didn't go to the bathroom immediately after surgery. The nurses as I mentioned before were in a hurry to get me out. I think they should have kept me for 45 minutes after surgery,but honestly I think I was out in 20 minutes or so. They wanted to get home to their families. I had moderate cramping immediately after surgery once I woke up. All the way home, I had it...When I got home, I was able to eat lying down,but I had a good appetite. My cramping was still moderate most of the day, but I didn't take my pain meds (dr prescribed hydrocodone, but I never take this crap and didn't take it last time. I have the prescription filled just in case though.) I told my dr that I would take tylenol if hte pain was bad, but so far I haven't had to take it. My cramping stopped in the late afternoon. I still have some minor cramping when I go to the bathroom (which is less than normal right now). I'm surprised I didn't have cramping last night or through the night. Last time, it was really bad. Overall, my recovery has been better than last time. Maybe my cervix is used to the trauma. I went to sleep twice for some naps.

That is all I have, although I'm sure I will remember more later.

NT Scan results

2010-02-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

I got to my appointment an hour early due to dropping off my son and not wanting to go to work.
Of course, my peri was running late and I think I saw him driving near the office.
I already had genetic counseling two weeks ago, so today was just the u/s and cervical check.

So yesterday I went out to lunch with some people who were supposed to pick me up and made me wait standing for 20min. I was pissed, but tried to blow it off.
Later I had a clear big glob and last night I had a small, tiny pink dot on my TP. It was hard to go back to sleep after that. I told my husband this morning. I also had a little bit of cramping last night. I told him maybe it was because I did too much.

I had my u/s and the baby's neck measured well. The baby didn't move much at all. It kinda concerns me because he/she hasn't moved much during appts. Last u/s, he/she was measuring 3 or 4 days behind. Today I am supposed to be 11w6d and the baby was measuring 11w5d as an average. The tech was someone I hadn't had before and she was OK. She told me the baby and the neck looked fine. I'm glad she was forthcoming with results as sometimes they say that you have to wait for the dr.

Oh, last time they didn't tell me when they would schedule the surgery. I had to call on a Friday to find out it was on the following Tuesday. This time, one of the girls that I LOVE, asked me 'when is a good day for you'. I said 'Monday'. She came back later and told me that they didn't have openings on Monday, but it would be Tuesday. I am sooooo glad. I just hope to make it until then. Weekends are hard with my toddler. He needs me to play with him a lot. My husband is great, but can't do it all.

The dr came in and gave me my results...

My results were better than last time and I'm 2 years older. Down syndrome -equivalent to a 28 year. Chromosome 13/18 - equivalent to a 20 year old. I'm just glad that I don't have to do the CVS/Amnio. I could still have a baby with issues, but for now, I can get the cerclage. Thank God!

After that, he wrote down a lot of info for the surgery and I told him about my spotting/discharge mentioned above plus all the rest of the brown/tan stretchy discharge I was getting. He said the hematoma is gone and most likely that was it coming out. He said 'sometimes it comes out like a glob and then a tiny bit of pink'. Ha! He described exactly what I told him. I like him, but he always says the right thing. geez! :)

Then he looks at my cervix and does an internal. I hate those. I just had one last week with my obgyn. I bet he thinks I am crazy or the most high maintenance patient he has. Because when I told him about my discharge/pink spotting, I told him 'I bet either my cervix is open or it has shortened. I can feel it.'. Why am I crazy? I'm not a dr. I DO TRUST my drs and it is pretty much out of my hands. Anyway, I'm rambling...He said my cervix is CLOSED and long. I asked him prior to that about looking on the u/s and he said cervical checks before 16wks via u/s are not accurate. So I asked him 'is it 2cm?'. He said 'well I can't get an exact measurement via the internal, but it is LOOONG maybe 4cm'. Whatever. I don't think I'm ever 4cm. I'm happy that he thinks it is long and closed though.

Sorry this is long and I quote my drs so much, but I do it partially for me to remember how our conversation went.

Baby's h/b was 173bpm.

My next post is about trying to conceive and acupuncture.

Thanks for reading!

Thanks for the support! (and a few additional details)

2010-02-16T13:40:00.003-08:00

Thanks for the support! I appreciate it.

I have my NT scan on Thursday. I hope all is well. I swear that today and yesterday I feel like my cervix is dilating. My drs say I can't feel that, but I just feel something. We will see on Thursday, I guess...I'm not a dr, so I'm not sure why I overanalyze things...

When I went to my first peri appt, they told me that the nurse that I didn't like was no longer working there. Usually I am nosey, but this time I just stayed quiet. The medical assistant gal said 'oh yeah that's when they got rid of her'. So I'm assuming she was fired... The nurse was there for my last pregnancy, but not very often. Thank goodness. She was there a few times during my first pregnancy and somehow I resent her for my loss. It wasn't her fault, but I just got a bad vibe from her. It's not that I blame her, I just feel that if I saw her I wasn't going to have a good outcome or something. She was quick to poo poo my spotting and issues and my funneling. Do you ever meet someone and you just don't like them? This was the feeling I got when I had to deal with her. I like everyone else there, but she just didn't rub me the right way, so I'm glad they finally saw that and she's gone from the practice. Wow, I sound mean...

I hate hearing my obgyn say 'well that's why they do the cerclage early because they do it before changes happen'. I am hoping to have my cerclage placed in one week's time, but it won't be scheduled until 2 days or so prior. ugh! I'm hoping I'll be 12w4d, but my peri might want to push it out. I am going to try to convince him on Thursday that I need it early next week. I'm very different than other girls with IC because my cervix starts misbehaving a lot earlier than 16/18wks. I just have to keep reminding my drs who have a hard head.

Oh, my mom is going to come help me when I recover from the cerclage - approx 10-14 days. I know her, she won't stay for the full time because she is just 'so busy'. She is retired and honestly I'm not sure how much help she can provide while she is here. Usually DH has some issues with her being here and he complains to me and I really don't want to deal with that... I love my mom, but she is not compassionate a lot of times. If I lose this baby, I know what she will say 'sorry', but in a tone that sounds like you would say to someone if they lost a board game. She just doesn't get IF, she doesn't get issues. So, my mom is going out of town this weekend and she says 'can you push out the cerclage to Wednesday or Thursday, so I can be here on the first day'. My response 'no I can't just push it out because the dr knows when I need to have this surgery and based on what is going on down there.' I wish my cerclage could fit into her perfect schedule. She annoys me when she is like that. When she came after my son was born, she said 'well can't you ahve the baby earlier because I don't want to miss going to my trip'. Like I have any control...Thanks for letting me vent.

I say my mom doesn't know what it is like to have issues or be high risk, but her first child was born around 28wks (i'm not sure the exact gestation as she won't talk about it). My sister became mental retarded because of fluid in her brain for being born so early. So, my mom has had preterm labor issues, but she doesn't seem to remember. I guess her labor happened so fast, she didn't have time to worry.

Oh, I get asked a lot if I have to have the cerclage again. One of my friends asked me who has a transabdominal cerclage (TAC)...you would think she would get it. My sister said 'well maybe your body learned how to stay pregnant this time'. I haven't told a lot of my friends yet. We are going to wait to tell the extended friends until 24wks or so.

Update on me...

2010-02-12T17:07:00.000-08:00

I am pregnant again. I'm 11 weeks pregnant today.

I'm so scared. Having success one time doesn't help me much.

I'm finally posting this on my blog. I'm not sure why.

This last 7 weeks has been extremely hard. I found out I was pregnant when I was still breastfeeding. My son was 11.5 months. I went in for some betas with my RE - even though I didn't get pregnant via IVF. We were not trying to get pregnant, but not avoiding. My RE told me via my nurse 'tell her to stop breastfeeding unless she wants to lose that baby'. Gotta love my blunt T.exan doctor. (I have a few of those).

Shortly after my betas, I had two bleeding episodes. It was more than spotting. It was not brown. The first time - around 6.5 weeks (after I saw the baby with a h/b a few days before)...I could have gone to work and just assumed a miscarriage. I had started thinking m/c and grabbed a bunch of pads. I called my RE's office. They told me to come in for an u/s. I decided to just stay home and drink a ton of water and lie down. I thought I wouldn't want an u/s because it would just make my cervix more irritated (due to the vag cam u/s). My drs office called and I told them the spotting had subsided. I was having another u/s in half a week anyway. My next u/s around 7wks showed a hematoma (SCH) as the cause of my bleeding. I was scared but thinking at least there was a reason. On my last pregnancy, they couldn't identify why I had bleeding at 11w3d last time. My RE told me to take it easy and to not lift more than 10lbs. Oh, at the beginning they told me not to lift more than 20lbs (think they tell all pg women this). My son weighs more than that...I still lift him, but I do try to minimize lifting him. I just can't NOT lift him.

The 2nd bleeding episode happened at around 8 weeks or so. I was supposed to meet my cousin for lunch and we had to leave. I'm sure she thought I was crazy and I haven't told her why I flaked. I came home and had some cramping and just drank water and lied down. I had an u/s the next day that showed my hematoma had grown. Great...I guess going to the grocery store was maybe too much. Ugh!

My first appt with my obgyn had them giving me an unexpected gestational aldiabetes test. I passed! They didn't do a pap smear, but just did the normal blood work (a ton of vials, etc).

The week after that, I had an appt with my peri. The u/s tech just rushed through things. At 9w4d last time they did a cervical check - this time - not so much. I had to ask her what about my hematoma (mind you this is my first visit with the peri). She says 'oh i didn't see one'. Then she said she saw something very small...When my peri came in he said it was very small, but still there.

I've had brown spotting almost the entire first trimester. Now my spotting is gone, but I have stretchy tan/dark discharge.

Today I had an appt with my obgyn. I will only let him do a pap smear on me. Well I had all these items written down for him...he knows I'm a crazy/high maintenance patient. I tell him I have discharge, back pain, an infection down below (that I got before I was pregnant). I asked him that my brown spotting had stopped, but I still have that stretchy brown/tan discharge. I keep thinking it means cervical shortening. My obgyn says it is still related to my hematoma (even though it is small, it still irritates the environment down below). He said that that kind of discharge is cervical shortening related =but is later on that I shouldn't have it this early. When he did the pap smear, he looked at my cervix. He said it was closed and 'good enough for a cerclage'.

Thanks for your support - if you read. I'll be posting my progress. I'm sorry if my news is hurtful especially for those readers who are having trouble getting pregnant.

I went to visit my son at the cemetary.

2009-11-24T13:28:00.001-08:00

I had some extra time last week, so I stopped by to visit my son's grave. I didn't tell DH that I was going. I did tell him after the fact - we had lunch together...

It was sad to go, but do you know what made me more sad? I saw how many new additions there have been since I was there last. I spent time looking at other babies and some I guessed were not full term. (my assumption based on dates, etc). I spent time looking how people leave things for their children. I don't leave anything for my son and I really should. I had not visited since I was barely pregnant last year (I think).

Monica, if you are reading. I did visit your sons while I was there. I know you visit quite often. They are lucky to have a mommy like you!

I think I was crying more for all the people that have to visit there and it keeps growing more than crying for my own son. I know that sounds bad. I'm sad about my son, but I'm sad ANYONE has to go through a loss. I'm not sure if I am making sense.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it)! May you have a safe time with friends and family!

Brooke and Joe need our prayers!

2009-08-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/

Annaleigh may not make it through the weekend. Please say a prayer for her and her brothers and sisters and Brooke and Joe who love her so, so much.

I was crying this morning reading about Annaleigh's condition. For those of us who have been through a loss, it brings up old feelings of the pain they are going through. Brooke and Joe are so strong and I wish I could give them a hug.

DH mentions our 'first'

2009-08-01T18:46:00.001-07:00

I've mentioned before that my DH doesn't like talking about the baby that we lost. But every once in awhile he will bring him up...

He told me he hates, hates, hates when people ask 'is this your first?' or 'when are you having your 2nd?' He hates these not for the reason I do though...

He told me last night on our way home from a party that he hates when people ask this because he wants to answer in the following...(but doesn't)
1) No, it isn't our first, but our first baby is dead.
2) This baby is our only living baby.
3) This is our SECOND baby.

I hadn't thought of that and it made me sad. I usually don't like people asking this because it is nosey. I hate this because of infertility as well. As someone who went through (will always deal with) infertility, it makes me sad that people can actually 'plan' their lives. That's right, some of us cannot just plan to have a baby and have it happen.

We were looking for a house and this sales guy asks me about 2 months ago 'are you guys just starting your family?'. I answered quickly, 'no we are starting and finishing our family.' It surprised him since I think he thought we were really young and we are not. I guess I am just rude. :)

I think I've said this before on here but my DH mentioned our 'first' another time about 3 months ago. He told me how he was talking to our friend and said 'there is nothing worse than losing a son (child)'. DH told his friend our 'first' son's name. Our friend knew about our loss, but didn't know the baby's name or that it was a boy. We are pretty private in that way. It was bittersweet that my DH talks to his friends about our 'first' son. It made me smile to know that DH thinks about the baby often. I'm sure other DHs or significant others are the same way about the loss of their baby(babies). They may not want to talk about it as much as we do, but they do it on their terms.

We will eventually tell our son about his brother, but not for a very, very long time.

I'm open with some people about our loss, but I haven't talked about it in awhile. I told my neighbor in December and we have become pretty good friends now. She told me that her mom lost twins when she was little, but she didn't know about it until she was 21. She says 'can you believe she waited that long to tell me?'. She knows her mom was about halfway through her pregnancy. I met her mom last weekend and I looked at her and knew her secret. She is a sweet lady, but I know the pain isn't something you can tell just by looking at someone. My neighbor complains that she is an only child all the time. I wonder if my son will complain to me that he is an only child. I wonder if this will make me sad because he isn't the only one.

IVF Oldest Lady and my thoughts about drs....

2009-07-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

I promise I'll get to my DR post when I can find the link to a specific blog. :)

I will say that -that post- will be not DR bashing. (my normal mode). It isn't that I hate drs, but I really think people need to question their drs (around their entire care). Drs are not superhuman, Drs are not always 'right'...
It's not just around IF, incompetent cervix, etc, ppl really need to question their drs.

It uspets me when drs tell women on bedrest they can do more than they 'should'. They don't tell women a lot of times that they don't need a shower every day. Why don't they, because they don't want to inconveinence them. They tell their IC patients to just lay down, but still go out, etc. The women usually does less (like me on self imposed bedrest) but doesn't tell their dr. The dr in turn thinks that the women was 'normal' and the cerclage held or whatever the case.

It upsets me when drs give out clomid without monitoring. Yup, that was me. Although I had no known fertility problems, I was given clomid like candy with no monitoring. It is probably a good thing my DH's sperm was horrible that cycle or I might have had high order multiples (HOM). Which to some is OK, but for me with IC that would have been SOOOOO dangerous. I do ovulate on my own a lot of times and even thought i'm old (AMA), I still have some eggs left. Anyone considering going to an obgyn that just gives them clomid without monitoring of how many follicles they have should really reconsider. I sitll see my obgyn, but he won't handle my fertility care again (not that I plan to use fertility drugs again). This is why IVF and IUI get a bad rap where the general public thinks 6 or 8 babies is what happens. IVF is soooooo controlled. The o.ctomom - well her dr was stupid to put back 6 embryos or whatever he did....My RE would never do that no matter how old you were.

A lot of drs bug me....We were told from my DH's urologist that 'kids are overrated' when we told him we wanted to check for fertility issues - when we were first finding out it wasn't coming easy for us. That guy moved thank goodness. He told us other gems, but I won't put them on here. He was just a douche.

If you are seeing your general practice dr (I'm bad I don't go to mine much as he annoys me), question - question - question them on everything. I'm a drs worst nightmare since I bring a lot of knowledge or anything I read on the internet. I always say I'm a wannabe dr. One of my coworkers and I were talking over lunch about medical stuff and he said. 'ok dr. lastname'. I said 'I'm sorry but I really question these drs'. He confessed he is the same way. I said 'we need more people doing that'.

So now, Michae.l Jackso.n's dr is in trouble for giving him too much anethesia or something? Drs have a lot of control and it is scary. They operate on people when they shouldn't., they give people prescriptions when they shouldn't.....Anna nicole's drs probably prescribed too much.

Drs give out prescription drugs way to easily for my taste. I take 1/4 or less of what they give me. Yeah I was in pain after birth due to a 2nd degree tear but I didn't take the full bottle of ibuprophen 600mg or whatever the high dose was that they gave me...I have bottles of h.ydrocodone or whatever that I never took for IVF or whenever those were prescribed. After I had my cerclage, I think I skipped again the pain meds -h.ydrocodone. I need to throw this stuff out - actually I shouldn't even get the prescription and waste money.

I will say sometimes we have no choice but to trust our drs. That is very true too. Sometimes I don't have all the facts and you can't trust the internet 100%, so sometimes you have to put your faith in your drs. I've had to do that on a few occasions and it worked out. They do have a lot of experience. I see people online get cerclages placed a lot, but sometimes it is in emergency situations and they get drs who are not competent in doing these. They might get a dr who does a cerclage placement once a year. So whichever dr you choose make sure they have 'experience' in dealing with good patients and bad patients. I have mixed feelings about my peri, but honestly I've only seen him deal with patients who don't have issues (me for the most part and the other women he said he saw who didn't have issues).

Ok, enough about drs.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090715/ap_on_re_eu/eu_spain_oldest_mom_5

The above article talks about a woman that was 66 who underwent IVF and had twins only to die at age 69. (with no one to take care of her twins). This article puts more myths out there about IVF, I'm sure, to the general public. A lot of people think there should be rules out there, but where do you draw the line? At what age is TOO old??? So she left twin toddlers....yes it is sad, but anyone can die right after going through IVF (they could be 30 years old -but hopefully they have a partner who can take care of the kiddos). I think if we had those strict rules in place (they kinda do, but this lady lied to her drs), that might discourage others from being surrogates to their daughters or sons. I have seen a few people on tv who have decided to be a surrogate for THEIR own grandchild and I think that is awesome especially for those of us with issues like IC (or with other issues such as no uterus, etc). If they said women over 55 couldn't do it, how would they get around this to be a surrogate. I don't know maybe they make an exception for that now. I just think that is a gray area with so many ethical implications. How old is too old to have a baby - with or without IVF/IUI?

Brooke had her babies!

2009-07-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a week late in posting this. Ugh! I tried last week at work and blogspot was having technical difficulties.

She had her triplets and they are doing incredibly well! Keep the prayers coming! They are strong babies like Brooke and Joe!!

http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/

I hope everyone had a Happy 4th of July! We had a neighborhood parade (with just the neighbors walking through the park). It was fun! We also ventured out to see the fireworks which is a huge feat because B.aby M likes to go to sleep before 9pm. He did cry, but did also look at the fireworks. We go to a place that isn't the main venue for my city. The view is great and the parking is easy!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Happy June!

2009-06-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile...I promise more posts. Things are hectic. We have been house hunting and that is so exhausting. We probably won't move - we love our backyard and our neighbors, but you never know. We have been looking casually for more than a year, but have been more serious about it lately. We spend a lot of our weekends going to look at houses. I'm tired!

Congrats to Schmoodle who had her baby! Toodle is here safely! Her blog is linked on the left - Busted Baby Maker. I'm so glad Toodle made it here safely and everything is well! Schmoodle lost her precious Doodles last year due to placental abruption. Welcome to the world precious Toodle!

Prayers for Million$$Baby - her blog is here:
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/

Last week her water broke on one of her triplets. (the boy) She is still doing great and is past 25wks. Babies stay in! She needs our prayers for continued baking of her triplets.

Also, on a non-IF note, yea US soccer for beating Spain yesterday! I loved how espn put 'US shocks the world'! I love when we do that. I'm not always watching soccer, but I do like to watch the world cup. I like to watch soccer. I also like to watch golf too. My favorite sport to watch is basketball though. Spain was the number 1 team who hadn't had a loss since 2006, I believe. Go USA! It means we will be at the finals on Sunday playing against Brasil of course. It isn't the world cup, but it is pretty cool that they are going to the finals for the conf.ederation cup. I love one of my coworkers who lives in France - he says 'do americans watch football?'. I think Europ.eans think we don't watch at all. A lot of my coworkers (that live in the US) watch soccer/football.

Next post: After much doctor bashing, I will talk about a doctor who *gets* infertility.

Date day...

2009-05-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Dre, I'm sorry you are on partial bedrest. I'm sure that must be hard with a little one -almost 3. How far along are you now? Good luck - you can do it! Keep your eye on the prize!

I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm starting kinda early and just flaking at work today. No one will be working at my job anyway...

DH and I are going to clean our house and go to a movie (a date). :)

Work is such a pain lately, but hopefully I'm viewed as 'valued'. It's nice to get a day off -well plus Monday.

A year ago...

2009-05-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

A year ago yesterday, I got a postive on an ovulation predicator kit, but was assuming I was pregnant because I knew I wasn't ovulating. I found out the following day with a postive pregnancy test and the day after that with a positive beta. This was the month after an early miscarriage from FET#1 and right before starting birth control pills for IVF#2.

The very weird thing is that my mom called me yesterday to tell me that it was my child's saint day (by his name). My aunt had gone to church and heard this and called my mom. So without knowing any of this, I picked a name for my child that has a saint day on the day I found out I was pregnant. I'm not a very religious person, but I think that is very strange!

This year has been very hard (even on my marriage), but I'm very thankful for my blessing. My DH had to do SO MUCH when I was pregnant and on bedrest and I think he still feels like he does a lot because I don't have a lot of time. If I stayed home, I'm sure I could do more, but I do work full time. I like working though - although I miss my child. It's so hard to leave him in daycare, but I trust the people. I look at pictures of my child throughout the day - to get me through the day. I think my DH doesn't want another child because it has been so tough. We both agree we wouldn't do IVF again (we didn't do it for our child). I hated myself on IVF meds, but that is a different topic.

A friend of mine says if she ever gets a tattoo, it would say 'be grateful'(or be thankful - i forget). Sometimes I think of that and even before I had a child, I was thankful for having a good husband. When I see people who are less fortunate than me, I have to think that things are fairly good. Life is hard.

March for Babies

2009-05-09T18:40:00.001-07:00

Today I did the march for babies in my city for the march of dimes. This is the first time I have done this event and it made me sad to see the many people wearing signs of lossed little ones. It made me think of my little boy, T. My company is a sponsor of the event. I did see more babies who made it though - even a 4 yo with a shirt that said 25weeker - 1lb something. Wow. I saw a couple who one or both work at my company that had a sign of a little one that survived a few days or weeks. I saw the heartbreak in their eyes as they didn't seem to have another child.

I think I will do this walk next year too. It was great - I was able to walk really fast and run a little - although you aren't supposed to run at all in it due to the number of strollers, etc. I only did it when there was open spaces. I'm still trying to lose baby weight. I met a girl who had a baby six wks early and her baby although only 4wks younger than my baby - is 6lbs lighter - she is so tiny.

There has been more heartbreak on the forums. Two girls in the last month have lost twins. One of the girls - it was her 2nd -2nd tri loss. My heart goes out to them and their families. I hope they can find hope to continue on. One had done many IVFs to get to that point. If I mentioned this before, I apologize. I hate that anyone has to lose a baby.

Happy Mother's Day to the moms (earth children and angel children) and moms-to-be! I promise to post more. Yeah, I know I have said that before. :) I hope those struggling with infertility and loss are able to get through mother's days - I know a lot of girls on the IC forum have talked about how hard that day is - and some are even pregnant. Being pregnant doesn't help the pain of the loss little ones...

Back to work and other thoughts...

2009-04-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

We had a great easter. It was nice that my family decided to keep their gathering mainly family only - instead of all of my mom's friends who I don't like. :)
It was so nice to spend time with everyone. No drama with BIL because he didn't meet my FIL's lady friend. FIL did talk about her and I thought BIL was going to blow a gasket, but he was fine. He was happy we cooked for him -his favorite, beef fajitas.

Oh, and I posted awhile back on the n.est boards how my sister had not come to visit me since I had the baby. She did send flowers to the hospital, but hadn't seen the baby in person. Well, she made a huge effort - for her- driving to my city on Saturday. She never drives alone without her entourage. She even knitted booties for our baby the day she came- very quickly (faster than I can crochet). We also got to spend time with her on Easter as she changed her plans to spend more time with all the family. It was so nice. When I posted this at 2months, that she had not visited someone on the msg boards stated that maybe she was dealing w/infertility (as that would be the only acceptable excuse for not seeing her nephew -as the poster put it). Well, I know she wants children badly, but I asked her and she said she isn't trying until next year or the following year (she is 34 now). She will go directly to IVF even without problems since she is rich and can - doesn't need insurance and because she and her DH travel all the time-not together but for their work. They can't really TIME pregnancy. I think she does have some reproductive issues though.

I'm back to work as of yesterday and it is hard getting back into the swing of things.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments - glad to be back ladies! I will be posting more. I have a lot to talk about.

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter. What are the plans? My brother in law in town this weekend. He is very odd and he is going to be 40 this year and not married. He resents people who are married. Nothing wrong with not being married and 40, but he really is sad about it. I feel bad for him and wish he would meet someone. I think he has really high expectations for a girl and that is a little unrealistic. He even resents his dad who is dating again after his mom passed away 2 yrs ago. I think it is great his dad is out there dating as he is very lonely. We can't spent 100% of our weekends with my fatherinlaw. It's almost like his son is jealous that his dad can go out on dates, but he can't find a date. It will be interesting if his dad introduces him to his new lady friend this weekend. I see a possible blow-out occuring. It is not uncommon for them to fight. My BIL will probably not be too happy with her (she is very nice I met her 2wks ago). My brother in law is not very generous - he expects his dad or us to pay for him ALL THE TIME. He got our son a $3-5 toy when he was born that he can't even play with for months (still too young now). My sisters did SO much for me and the baby and bought us so much -even gave us a ton of handmedowns, but he couldn't spend even $10 for us. Ok, I'll try to be nice now. Please tell me I'm being shallow and selfish.
Oh, and another thing... He HATES eating at home, so he expects us to take him OUT to a restaurant and PAY for him. Oh, he makes really good money, but we think he has money problems. I invited FIL and BIL over to our house for a cookout this weekend. It's really hard to go out to eat with the little one and especially since he goes to bed early. I bet BIL is unhappy that we are staying 'in'. His dad is retired and really can't pay for him at all. They got in a fight about this last time as his dad asked him to pay. Ok, enough venting about him...honestly I love my family and I'm happy to see my BIL. I just hope he doesn't cause drama with the new girlfriend. I wish he would meet someone as I think that would improve his mood - he won't do the online thing though.

We are also going out of town to visit some of my family. It will be the first time many meet our little one. We have some cousins from new jersey who we haven't seen in about a year or more. It will be great to catch up.

I have to admit that I'm not a big 'Easter' fan. It's my least favorite holiday - not sure why. I am weird about eggs - only liked them cooked a certain way. So growing up, I didn't like hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, etc. I also don't like peeps and don't care for marshmallow too much. I eat it - if camping or on smores, but don't like it in candies. Easter was always so hot where we live so I always felt really yucky. A few easters ago, it did sleet though.

Monica, you are right. Bluebonnets are horrible this year due to lack of rain. That's why I think this company planted a ton in their parking lot - it's a ton of them and GORGEOUS. Bluebonnets are really scarce this year. It's a great location! Take Autumn there! I said amber before sorry. I think your dog is so adorable. Is she a border collie or brittany spaniel mix?

Ariel, you are right. We shouldn't look at it like that. Every m/c is a tragic event. It's hard to think about what would have been. I see girls on the message boards with children who would have been the same age as my first son and it breaks my heart. I think 'wow, he would be this old'. There is that constant reminder when you see someone who got pregnant around the same time as you.

Long time, no chat...

2009-04-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm glad to be posting again. I missed everyone! I have to say it is so hard for me to find time to post or even check in on other people's blogs. My son is a handful. He likes to be in my arms. I will find time - it is getting better.

It's been 1 year that I had my miscarriage after my frozen transfer. Well, a year ago today I got my beta for FET #1. Shortly after that, I had a miscarriage.

I completely forgot about all of this until I went to an acupuncture appt today. She reminded me that it was exactly one year ago that I went in for non-doubling betas. I decided to go to acupuncture today for relaxation and for possible help in my supply of breastmilk. I'm doing daycare trial so I had a few hours without my son. I go to a place that specializes in reproductive health. The acupuncturist did points to help with breastfeeding - we will see if that helps. I really missed going to acupuncture. It is very relaxing. Of course, I had to rush to a dentist appt right afterwards - so my tranquil demeanor wore off.

The acupuncturist was telling me about one of the owners who had the same thing - an early miscarriage and she was pregnant the next month. It really made me wonder if acupuncture really had helped me get pregnant - even though I think our problems were more male factor. She said that the owner was thankful for that miscarriage or she wouldn't have her daughter. It's hard to think about but we wouldn't have our son if we had gone full term with our first baby boy. I really miss our first son and our life will never be the same since we went through that. But we are thankful everyday for the joy our son brings us...

A girl on my message board lost her twins at 24w1d this past weekend. I'm not sure if she had IC or placental abruption, but I'm so sad for her loss. My thoughts are with her and her family. She went through many IVFs before she got pregnant with these twins.

For those in A.ustin, we found a great place for bluebonnet pictures. It's at J.ester and 2222 (from 360 turn right onto 2222). It's a parking lot where they have planted bluebonnets and indian paintbrushes. We got some great pictures and it doesn't look like you are on the side of the road or in a parking lot.

I hope everyone is well. I'm praying for all my online friends - for sucessful pregnancies.

2009-02-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, here is an update. I know I said I wouldn't do updates, but I do plan to still 'talk' on this blog about random things. :)

My son weighs 9lbs9oz. He was born at 7lbs, but quickly lost 9.5% of his weight and was diagnosed as 'failure to thrive'. I've been stressed since then and not producing enough milk.

I heart my lactation consultant. I completely advocate getting one. She has come to the house several times since it was hard for me to even get out, but today I went to her office. (I was also paranoid for germs with a young infant - she works out of my pedi's office). Home visits can also get expensive too.

I am starting to produce so much more than before. Yea! I have almost quit breastfeeding so many times. It is stressful and the hardest thing I've ever done - harder than labor even. I've been prescribed Reglan which is for something else but works to increase milk supply - it is working for me she thinks. I'm still not producing everything that he needs and he is growing so fast, but I figure some milk is better than none. The lactation consultant is surprised at how much my son eats and its easy for her to say - 'give him less formula' when he is hungry.

My baby gained 2oz a day in the last 9 days.

First 3 weeks in review

2009-02-08T07:45:00.000-08:00

Someone on the nest said that the first 2 weeks are all about survival. This is true.

It's insane, but I'm not complaining.

This is my update.
Lump under my arm has gone down, but I don't even have time to ice it as lactation consultant told me. I barely have time to go to the bathroom. I'm seeing a lactation consultant. She saw first hand that I have the sleepiest baby on the planet. He cries sometimes, but he doesn't alert us that he is hungry, wet, or has a dirty diaper. So it has been hard to wake him up to feed - he falls asleep while feeding.
I am not producing enough milk -my sister says because I'm stressing about it. Lactation consultant said that doesn't matter. I'm having to supplement.
The first week the consultant came by -one day after my pedi visit where he had gained 3 ounces - well he lost one ounce from that time (one day later). So following her visit I was so stressed out for several days - until she came again. She gave me an SNS to give him formula at the same time as breastfeeding. It seems to work well, but I'm getting tired of using it. She came back on Monday and found he has gained A LOT. He was 7lb 1oz.
I stopped using the SNS to supplement on the breast with formula. I'm still breastfeeding and supplementing with formula in a bottle. The SNS has strings and when he was awake he would pull at them. Everyone keeps saying to stick with it. I'm not sure how long I can go this way. I'm exhausted. The lactation lady says that she thinks once he hits 9 lbs he may get more alert. She told me a story of a lady who had 5 kids and none of them were like her last one - which is similar to mine. He wouldn't feed actively. She wanted to pull her hair out - so it isn't just me and it's not completely normal.
At last week's appt, he was 8lbs 1 oz. The next day - with lactation lady - about the same. I'm concerned he isn't getting enough. He is supposed to gain 1/2 oz to 1 oz a day. I'm now on a prescription to increase my milk supply. It hasn't seemed to work yet though. My mom was here last week which helped a lot. She could feed him the bottle while I pumped. I even tried pumping every 2 hrs to increase flow - for almost 18hrs straight. No dice. My family wasn't very available to help me, which also set me in a bad mood these last few weeks. They finally came through, but that is another story.
We got his SSN at 2 wks and it makes me feel like he is a real person now. I also got his insurance card this week.

This is my last blog entry on the baby. This blog isn't really a baby blog, but it is for incompetent cervix. I hope this blog helped someone have some hope that a cerclage can be successful. They count a cerclage as being successful if you can get to 37 wks with it - I think.

RE comments on IVF and octupulets

2009-01-30T16:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.kvue.com/news/top/stories/013009kvue_octuplets_fertility-cb.2b6eb80.html

Yea - someone needs to slap a dr or have him lose his license if they truly did IVF.

Here is an excerpt since the article isn't there anymore:
Dr Kaylen Silverberg, a fertility specialist at Texas fertility center in Austin, says federal law prohibits the transfer of that many embryos into any patient.

"If this woman, as reported in the news is really young, theoretically under 35, the guidelines clearly show she should have no more than two embryos transferred, and in fact if she is in the most favorable group -- she's got kids already -- supposedly she has six, she should theoretically just have one embryo transferred," said Dr. Silverberg.

The Wyden Law, enacted in 1992, requires that fertility clinics submit all procedures performed on an annual basis to the Food and Drug Administration.

It also requires that no more than five embryos are implanted in any woman.

Dr. Silverberg says most insurance companies refuse to pay fertility doctors who do not follow the Wyden guidelines.

IC makes the news

2009-01-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

well it was on my local news - but story is not local.
Dr. H.aney is talked about on the IC boards quite a bit as he does TACs (transabdominal cerclages).
While I was feeding last night, I saw this story like 3 times - they repeat the news 24/7.
http://n8a.com/content/your_news/?SecID=278&ArID=230200

Labor story and picture! Long...

2009-01-22T06:37:00.000-08:00

Friday night took a shower hadn’t taken one all day. I was still working on Friday, but DH and I weren’t doing that much work. We decided to go to a few daycares on Friday for the 2nd time. (for reviewing) Maybe the walking around set things into action. I had been having contractions since cerclage removal (2 wks prior). My contractions although very frequent were never regular or painful. I had the winded feeling that made it hard to talk, but my REAL contractions were very painful and more like severe PMS cramping.

I am trying to recall all of this from memory as I didn’t write down exact times.

Matt (not his full name – email me if you want to know) was born on J.anuar.y 17th
He weighed 7 lbs and was 19 in at birth. Ultrasound 4 days earlier was really off - it had him at 7lbs 5oz (well estimate not really from u/s). I was estimating he would be 7.5 lbs or almost 8 lbs by induction date. Dr who delivered says it can be off by quite a bit.

Had some cramping during the night and had some dreams that I was in labor. Woke up at 6am to painful contractions. Woke up DH and he thought it may be a false alarm, until he saw how much pain I was in. I had spotting (bloody show – kinda pinkish) and some diarrhea. We started timing them and they were about 8-10 minutes apart. We called the drs office and the on-call nurse said I probably needed to wait until they were closer (but I explained that I have IC which means labor is faster). When the oncall nurse called back – by then my contractions were 6-9 minutes apart. She told me to go to L&D to get checked out and she would call them that I was on my way.
We get to L&D at about 845am. I was starving, but DH wouldn’t let me eat anything. I get checked out by the nurses and put on the monitoring machine. Contractions are coming regularly, but I guess they can’t tell the intensity. I was in A LOT of pain. They told me that I’m 3.5 centimeters and maybe 90% effaced. For those who don’t know- I’ve been 3 cm for 2 weeks at this point. I’ve been 70-80% for 2 weeks at this point too. The L&D dr comes in and tells me I might not be in full labor yet. I don’t even explain to her about IC, but I’m in so much pain I tell DH there is NO way I will be sent home. They say women just know. We live 5 min from hospital too.
They tell me to walk around and see if anything changes.
As I walk around, I’m having contractions every 2-5 minutes and I’m in severe pain. The nurse comes back and measures me an hr later to find I am only 4-4.5 cm BUT my bag of water is now bulging. She says she will recommend to the dr that I get checked in. I was so happy she said that. I kept thinking they would send me home and they don’t understand that as part of IC that labor goes quicker.
I get checked into L&D. Brand new hospital or at least brand new L&D section. It’s a nice room and I’m glad to be out of triage.

By now it is between 10 and 11am. We call my father in law and my mom and sister. My mom doesn’t answer as she is at a party and doesn’t hear her phone. The on call dr from my practice comes in and checks me and says she is here to break my bag of water and to check on me. I’m surprised I’m at that point and she says it will speed things long. I forget if I got a check before that, but my hospital says they don’t check constantly – I feel that is weird, but oh well. Dr. checks me and I’m 6cm and she breaks my bag of water. I think this was between 11am and 12pm. With the broken bag of water, my pain continues and intensifies. The dr says I will have the baby this afternoon and it should be a quick vaginal birth.

The pain continues and II finally call the nurse to get the epidural for me. I’m having contractions every 2 minutes and although some girls with IC don’t get contractions sometimes, I DO! They did warn me it would take 45 minutes to get the epidural setup and start getting relief. I had an epidural when I had my loss in 2007, so I was familiar w/the process. I get the epidural and it is a pretty quick procedure. I think he had to redo my catheter because he hit a vein. My nurse was awesome through the experience.

A few times the baby’s heartrate dipped and that freaked me out. I end up just staring at the monitor. They tell me it could be because of the epidural or because the baby is moving into the birth canal more. I still find myself insanely looking at the monitor while I go through contractions and just praying. My contractions start coming back and the epidural doesn’t seem to be helping. I had to push for more medicine a few times. I’m still getting pain but at least it isn’t an 8 or 9 out of 10, but maybe a 6 or 7. (level of pain). I have to say that I did a lot of praying while in labor, it seemed to help me get through my contractions. I’m not super religious, but I do believe in the power of prayer.

They come back to check on me maybe at almost 2pm – only because I call the nurse and tell her that I feel a lot of pressure (remember I said earlier they don’t check you every hr, etc). She checked and I’m 9cm(!!!!!!!!) and that surprises her. She calls dr. Dr comes by and says nurse will be there from now until I’m ready to start pushing and that she will come back when I’m crowning. I think it is 15 min later and I get measured again by nurse and she says I’m 10cm (!!!) and calls dr as I’m just about crowning. Everyone gets setup at this point to handle the baby in my room. I’m told by nurse and dr that I’ll probably push for only 30 minutes. This makes me happy and something to look forward to although I’m in so much pain. The rectal pain is the worse as the epidural doesn’t help on that kind of pain. DH keeps tell me that it is just one day to get through and after that the pain is gone.

At 225 or 230pm, I’m told to get ready to start pushing. I think to encourage me everyone says I’m pushing really good. I start sweating a lot and ask DH to wipe the sweat off my face. Oh, when I was crowning dr. said that baby has a lot of dark hair and asks DH if he wants to look. DH says ‘no thanks’. J They ask him if he will cut the cord and although he was reluctant to do that before (he thinks a medical professional should do that sort of thing-), he decides to do it. I’m so glad he did it although he was nervous.

I pushed for 35 minutes when baby comes out. I was never told not to push, just to push when I was having a contraction (leg was up on one side and nurse had other side until they put my legs in the stirrups). Dr. at the ends says I pushed so well that I could have had a 9lb baby. I told her no thanks. She is great and not my regular dr, but I quickly like her and she is chatty. We talk about a lot of things and I’m always so technical to find out why they do what they do and she is very forthcoming with information. I ask her about pitocin as I hear that it makes contractions worse and you need an epidural if you have that (by the way I didn’t have this as I wasn’t induced). She said that isn’t true and a lot of stuff on the internet is false. We were just having a conversation. 35 minutes was exhausting for me, I can’t imagine people who push for 2-3 hrs. I did have a tear – between 1st and 2nd degree. It is pretty painful even 4 days later and I’m taking pain meds. Ouch, ouch ouch. Dermoplast – given to me at the hospital does HELP! I bought some more and use it A LOT. It really hurts to sit down, but I’m able to walk around a lot after birth and I’m betting a c/s would have made me less mobile.

The cord was wrapped around his neck loosely once and he didn’t cry immediately, but did cry once they started washing him off. I got to hold him even before delivering placenta. I don’t remember pushing the placenta or if it just came out. My regular dr. mentioned the next day about trouble with the placenta, but I told him I didn’t think there was a problem. Maybe he was confused w/some other patient. I know they did a lot of stitching for only a 2nd degree tear.

I got to breastfeed him right after birth. He did drink, but at this point I’m only making colostrum. After I breastfed and spent some time with him, they took him to the nursery with DH. They took his first bath. Oh, our video camera’s battery wasn’t charged, but we did take pictures right after birth and DH took some in the nursery. I’m just so happy here is here.

We spent 2 nights in hospital and decided to have the baby with us at all times (except for nightly weighing when they took him to the nursery – I took him one night – pushed him over to the nursery).We had one night when he was crying and we had no idea why – if he had a fever or something. We called the nurse and she was able to calm him down. We are paranoid new parents! Nurses were so helpful with breastfeeding and everything. I’m glad we also had him in the room although the first night I didn’t sleep at all – after being in labor that day and being exhausted. I just kept staring at him to make sure he was breathing and admiring him. The reason I’m glad that we had him was that he spit up brownish looking blood from his mouth and we freaked out and paged the nurse. They told us it is QUITE common as he probably swallowed some amniotic fluid during birth. I’m sure it would have been ok, but I’m glad we were there when he threw up. He did this another time when being circumsized from what we are told.

Scare #1: Baby would not go number 1 since circumcision. They didn’t think his bladder was full – it was though. They had a NICU nurse come check him out. Our pedi told us either to wait it out or to get a catheter – but she recommended the first. We spent more hours in the hospital and I was actually discharged before my son was. I could have still stayed overnight even if I had been discharged. I love my pedi, we finally met her officially a few hrs before they wanted to discharge us. I had gone to a ‘meet and greet’ at her practice, so I had picked her but hadn’t officially met her. We think this scare was due to the circumsicion and DH and I don’t know if we would get that again. Praying again helped here. The nurses were so estatic when he did finally GO to the bathroom.

Scare #2: We were told the next day after leaving the hospital – our first pedi visit - that our baby had lost a lot of weight – 9.5% and they get really concerned at 10%. So we had to come back the next day to get him weighed. Since the last day at the hospital, we had started to supplement with formula (partially because he wouldn’t pee), but we had to up this to make sure he was getting enough. 2nd pedi visit – baby is 4 days old – he had gained 3 ounces and they were happy with that and how many BM and wet diapers he had in 24 hrs. That was great to find out he had gained since Tuesday. They were looking for him gaining 1 ounce at that point and he gained 3. I hate that his diagnosis was ‘failure to thrive’, but that is what the paperwork says.

Scare #3: I have a lump in my breast tissue – but under my arm. I need to go to either the dr or the lactation consultant today to see what is wrong. I hope all is well and it isn’t something serious. My sister told me to massage it out and she thinks it is related to breastfeeding. I also pumped today to see how much I was getting – breast milk might have come in yesterday or Monday. The breast that I have a lump isn’t giving much milk. Massaging and warm showers aren’t helping. I hope I don’t need antiobiotics.

The worry never ends. We are so happy and blessed to have him! I fell in love at first sight. Right after birth, I told DH I would seriously have to FORGET the pain to have another. I would love another one though, but at my age it might be very difficult. We are happy with our one. :)

Baby is here!

2009-01-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

Will post the birth story on here maybe tomorrow!

He arrived on Saturday, Jan17 - two days before planned arrival.

We are home today, but exhausted.

Belly picture

2009-01-15T09:14:00.000-08:00

*****Warning if you don't like seeing pictures of bumps, please skip this post*********

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Kinda blurry picture, but here is a picture of the bump at 37w1d. Honestly, I didn't take many pictures of the belly. I'm not a big fan of taking a lot of pictures.
I also didn't want to post on my online profiles to not offend anyone. I would not have posted on here, but some of my readers requested a belly shot.

38w4d obgyn and peri appt (induction scheduled)

2009-01-13T19:36:00.000-08:00

Today I had both appts on the same day.

Went in for my NST and regular obgyn visit. Blood pressure is low - was kinda high for me last week but still NORMAL levels, but this week it is low again. Even lower than non-pregnant...

Baby only kicked twice on NST - I only felt it once, but obgyn was happy with that. He said I was having a lot of cramping that was showing up on the NST, but no major contractions. Baby is always so sleepy and lazy on the machine - he gets very quiet being on there. This scares me, but he does kick other times. Of course, he was kicking while I was in the waiting room, but once I get on the machine, he doesn't like to kick.

Dr. checked me internally and I'm about the same as last week (3cm and 70-80% effaced). I knew I would be - told DH 'I bet i'm the same-no progress'. I had been getting contractions, but they kinda fizzled out in the past few days- they are not consistent. Dr said he wanted to induce me because of GD - they don't like people to go to their due date. So he made an induction appt for Monday - I'm having this baby at least by Monday unless I go into labor before that time. It made me happy to have a date to look forward to. Although I didn't want to be induced, I'm confident with the Dr's choice.

We went to eat lunch and then home quickly. We then went to the peri's office. Blood sugars were awesome yesterday - like a normal person - but I went for 2 walks yesterday (not that I think that matters). Didn't see peri as my blood sugars were ok. I was FOREVER on the u/s machine as they tried to do my BPP (biophysical profile). I drank some water beforehand and DH says 'why are you so paranoid?' Probably because I knew the baby would be quiet on there and they don't like that. So they have to see the baby take some breaths - check- he did that. Then they have to see some movement. He didn't want to move at all. He was smacking his lips, but they didn't count that. I started getting worried, but they didn't ask me to drink anything, etc. Finally after a long, long u/s - maybe 20 minutes the baby moved his fingers and they saw that. He did kick me once, but they didn't see it on the u/s so that didn't count. I told them I had NST and that the baby kicked twice only and they said 'well that isn't much'. So the u/s techs went to talk to the peri who said I was fine. I think they called my obgyn's office to ask if my NST was responsive -they probably said yes because my obgyn is happy with even little movement (last week he kicked once on the NST too).

It got me worried, but of course I feel the baby move. He does goes through times when he doesn't move and it freaks me out. I have yet to go to L&D about it though. Everytime I think 'if you don't move, i'm going to L&D', he moves. Some days he is sleepier than others. Of course, once I left the peri's office, he was kicking up a storm. I think he likes playing games w/the drs. On the drive home, he kicked the entire time and I told DH that the baby doesn't like to do things 'on demand'.

I'm praying nothing is wrong with him. He has been kicking a lot since arriving home. He does have a pattern. He kicks in the morning and when I eat and at night. I sometimes wake up at 4am and he isn't kicking and I just think 'well he never kicks at this time'. He starts his day kicking when I wake up usually.

Saw this book on GMA

2009-01-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/story?id=6629432&page=1

On good morning america this morning, I saw this book. I haven't bought it or read it, so I have no idea if it is good. But I did like the theme of the book - women overcoming tragedies (from getting fired from Seinfeld to having a premature baby).

I don't know if the baby lives, but one of the actresses on M.adMen had a premature baby (picture in the article but not discussed). When she was describing what she went through, I was just crying. She talked about how her body failed her child.

I'm not really a fan of self-help books - this may not be one of those, but this one seemed interesting. Some of the tragedies are BIGGER than others - I'm sure. I have to say I don't read a lot of books, but I bet this one would be a fast read.

Cerclage pictures

2009-01-07T10:24:00.001-08:00

Here is a picture of my cerclage:

I'm not sure how it was knotted - it is hard to tell, but I think it makes a loop. (as I tried to do in picture 1)
It does look like a shoe lace. I soaked it in peroxide for about a day.
It looks similar to the one I posted that I saw that someone else had. I'll try to post a link to that again. Some people's is more like a nylon or blue string...

Here is one that is one from someone on the IC board that I frequent (this is not mine):
http://i36.tinypic.com/27xqo20.jpg

OB and peri appt - 37w3d and 37w4d

2009-01-06T13:11:00.001-08:00

I'm still here. OB appt was yesterday and these are my stats:
70-80% effaced - same as last week
2.5 - 3 cm dilated - up from last week
One contraction while on the NST machine, but baby was sleepy - only kicked hard once where it registered real movement, he kicked a few times but in his sleep I think, but they look for something specific on NST. I felt this contraction it was a big one - harder than ones I normally get.

Dr. said baby is so low and how am I walking around - pelvic station is -1 - which is when some people are in labor (not walking around like me). He was on vacation and I didn't want the baby born while he was gone - but he is back now.
He said 50% chance that I would have the baby before next week's appt.

Today, I went to my peri for my BPP (bio physical profile). Baby was moving and breathing and they were happy to see that so it was a short visit. They did not do size. I asked but not sure why they couldn't - they just said at this point they estimate it - maybe the machines can't do it - although I had a size last week(??). U/s tech might have not wanted to do it - who knows. She said the baby is about 6 lbs 13oz - who knows how she estimates that. Blood sugar levels are good, so they didn't need to talk to me about that. I almost went over the limit, but I guess if I am slightly under they always seem to be fine with it. I send them in once a week and they have been happy with my numbers - even though like I said I'm not 100% following the diet and I do get close to going over. Amniotic fluid is good and baby's size is small and I think that's what they also look at when doing the BPPs - and that's the concern with GD.

I think I just lost my mucus plug. I've been up and down the stairs a lot yesterday and today -organizing things. I was sick with diarrhea over the weekend. When I had my loss, I also had diarrhea, so maybe it is a sign of labor.

Cerclage is out!!

2008-12-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

Cerclage is out- removal was painful, but only took 5 minutes. Deep breaths helped. Peri gave me a hug afterwards. I'm typing from my phone so excuse any misspellings. I'm 70-80 percent effaced and 1.5-2 cm dilated. Got to keep the stitch- will post pic in a few days. Baby's heartrate was 122 bpm- slower than normal but peri said it was fine. Baby is small at 6lbs 5 oz.
I had cramping when he snipped it-ouch!! I also have some spotting.
Happy new year everyone!! I think this baby won't come until 1-2 wks or more!! There is a twilight zone marathon today for those who can't get out tonight. Scifi channel

30 weeks - 35 weeks - what I did

2008-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

*****Disclaimer********
This is what I did, it may not work for you.
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At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with GD, so I decided to start doing more around 30 weeks.
I was walking to the mailbox and a little more if I felt up to it. I did feel pelvic pressure, but I think it was all the months of bedrest as I don't get that really anymore.

Stairs: Up and down once a day only. If I don't want to go down right away, DH brings me breakfast.
Showers: Once a day for 7-8 minutes - timed
Driving: Although I could drive at this point, DH won't let me drive anywhere with or without him.

At my dr. visit at 35 weeks I was told I don't have much of a cervix left. I'm not sure if this is because I've been walking around more. I had to walk around to help my GD, but honestly I think the diet is the only thing that is helping that. I only test 4 times a day once a week now and I do cheat here and there.

I had a shower at 33weeks and another coed shower at 35 weeks. I regretted not being able to stand up and socialize more at the first shower. By the 2nd one, I was up more talking to people - although it was a small shower.

I did go to the grocery store twice, but it was after 35 weeks and I didn't lift anything. I haven't been out to big box stores like target, but I hope to once the cerclage is out.

I do go out once a day to eat with DH. I feel more comfortable doing that. I've also visited friends/family who live in my same city. I didn't go out of town for Christmas to see my immediate family, but most came here to see me right before Christmas.

Discharge has slightly increased for me and I wonder if it is my mucus plug slowly coming out - not sure since I've had discharge almost daily in this pregnancy (sometimes more than once a day). Since I am so effaced - or my cervix is - I feel that I might not have much of a mucus plug. I don't know though.

I don't lie down as much during the day, but I do lie down after my shower (usually 15-30 minutes). I lie down about once a day or when watching tv.

I look at the IC forum and I see girls who didn't have to do bedrest and never had a shortening cervix. I think I couldn't do that although my drs felt I could. I then see girls who do bedrest and still have shortening. I think everyone is different and they have to do what is right for them. With the effacement news I received last week - I wonder if it is because I started doing more. OB says 'no', but then again he is the one along with my peri who told me directly NOT to do bedrest. I think it helps, but what do I know. Maybe there will be more answers tomorrow...

OBGyn appt 35w4d-interesting news...

2008-12-23T19:12:00.000-08:00

OB appt today. Dr. was running late - what is new, but he was there (shocking!). I had to remind the staff at the front that I needed an NST (something that can be done without obgyn there). They didn't have me scheduled for one- as usual. I guess everytime I check in now, I need to remind them. They were supposed to start my NSTs a few weeks before they did. Very annoying! I just wish I had told them sooner instead of waiting 30 minutes then saying something and wondering why I hadn't been brought back yet.

He came in while I was doing my NST and said it was textbook and everything seemed great. He asked me about my GD and I told him I monitor myself once a week per peri's orders. I told him my range and he said 'then why did you fail your GD test?' I told him because I was eating fruit for bkfst, etc. And I will go over if I eat a lot of carbs...

I always tell my DH that I'm a wannabe dr, so I asked the dr when he finally came into see me and measure me 'did the NST show that I was having a contraction at the end?' He said 'yeah, why? did you feel it'. I said 'not really, but I noticed the NST changed and I might have had a contrx because I had to go to the bathroom'. I just noticed the lines went weird at the end.

Interesting news:
Cervix is soft.
Dr. didn't want to check dilation because he didn't want to disturb things, but he said maybe fingertip dilated if anything. Cerclage is holding the cervix closed from dilating and he said if I was dilated more I would be bleeding (as I tear the cervix).
He said the baby's head is VERY LOW and in my pelvis (although I haven't felt the baby drop). My mom even told me on Saturday that I was still carrying the baby high.
OB said he thinks I am 80% effaced (!!!!!!) I think it kinda shocked him. He said 'well I thought I was going to come in here and think that you didn't really need the cerclage, but I think you needed it now. I can feel the stitch and your cervix is flat. Your cervix has changed'. I said 'well I have been doing more in the past 2 weeks.' He said 'that wouldn't affect it'. For those who don't always read my blog, my drs have never put me on bedrest but I put myself on bedrest and I'm 100% sure it has helped (DH is convinced too). My drs don't believe in bedrest.
I then asked him if I was 100% effaced (no cervix left) and he said 'no maybe 80%'. He then said 'don't be surprised if you dilate immediately to 3cm when they take your cerclage out next week'. DH asked if I will have the baby sooner and he said maybe not. I told him 'What if I have the baby in the next two weeks - you are on vacation?' He said 'well, you need to wait until I come back'. He still thinks I will not go into labor immediately. He said 'being effaced just means that labor will be shorter'. Hmmm....

On another note, I have been doing SO much this week. I spent part of yesterday and today cooking and standing up - making meals to freeze. We did go see a daycare today too. I've spent most of the day standing up and plan to do the same tomorrow - maybe I need to take it easy. I had more discharge today - I hope I haven't been losing my mucus plug slowly - especially with the effacement news.

Next post will be what I did from 30-35 weeks.

OBGyn appt 34w4d

2008-12-18T15:05:00.001-08:00

Well I had my first NST on Tuesday and it came back good. I was worried because my dr. wasn't there - he was stuck in surgery and the girls there didn't provide much encouragement or knowledge. They setup a nurse practioner who came to talk to me and she didn't even measure my stomach - she was being lazy. Wasn't confident in her evaluation of my results... She didn't provide much info. Baby did kick a few times, but also was sleeping part of the time. They offered to give me juice to wake him up and I had to tell them 'i can't drink juice due to GD'. So they gave me cold water...
I was worried because the baby is very sleepy - probably like his mom - lazy.
The positive was that the NST showed absolutely no contractions.
I called today to see if my dr had reviewed my NST so I could get his opinion. They said 'yeah he looked at it and said baby was responsive'. Gee, thanks for calling me.
Oh, I asked about circumsicion and they said they had no idea if the ob did these - like I said the girls were really helpful.
I go in next week for another NST and almost weekly after that. (except one week when I get an u/s at the peri's office). My peri said I didn't need NSTs, but honestly I am glad my obgyn is doing them. I think it's important to see how the baby is reacting.

On a different note - how much should we trust drs? The reason I say this is because I talked to my friend who just had a h.ome b.irth. She was so brave to do this considering she was high risk and had t.wins (but one didn't make it past 18 wks). We have the same r.e. and same peri. Peri told her that she would want to d.eliver the live baby f.irst and the babies were positioned that way. Well, she delivered the other one first. She said she asked about cord and they told her at peri's office that it was not around the babies' neck. Well, when he was delivered the cord was w.rapped around 3 times. She said a few things our peri told her were not correct. I know medicine is not an exact science, but geez. I don't know much about the cord being around the neck, but she said it happens earlier when the baby moves around and they should be able to see that on the u/s. But not to discredit my peri - she also had a 4d u/s and they didn't notice that either.

Two movie recommendations

2008-12-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, want a movie that doesn't take much effort to watch? I have two movies for you!

I have to say that I like most movies and some might consider these bad movies, but I enjoyed them. But might expectation might have been lowered in mentally preparing for these movies, which meant I was pleasantly surprised.

We rented ShootEmUp with Clive Owen. It was a movie with a lot of violence and shooting (hence the name). Most people probably won't like this movie. The plot was not believable and neither was the over the top antics, but it made me laugh from the stupidity. This movie is sort of making fun of other action movies. I will warn my fellow deadbabymamas - this movie has baby loss in it, but I think in a positive way. Two of the characters lost a baby, but end up taking care of another baby that isn't theirs. My DH didn't want to see this, I rented it on netflix. He said at the end that he liked it too. He didn't even want to bother watching it and he likes action movies. I told him to give it a try.

Ok, this one is better...I promise.
TropicThunder
I think RobertDowney and TomCruise are nominated for a golden globe for their roles in this movie. This is not a typical oscar movie though. It is relatively easy to watch - not too much to think about. Sometimes we all need one of those movies don't we?
The reason I liked it: I don't like TomCruise at all. I don't like most of his movies - just don't care for the guy. I did like Last Samurai, but not most of his movies. He has a minor part in this movie, but I love his part. He was not his typical self - maybe I just liked seeing him slightly overweight and balding. ha!
I don't like BenStiller much either - and I think he wrote this movie. I think I liked it because he wasn't the focus of the movie - there were so many people in it.
It was a funny movie.

When do you write off friends?

2008-12-13T08:36:00.001-08:00

Ok, I hope this post doesn't come across selfish sounding...I can probably blame hormones on this one. :)
It is very minor compared to other people's problems.

One of my friends emailed me the day before my shower to say she was working on Saturday and would *try* to come to my shower. This is after she RSVP'd for 4 people (her 2 kids and her mom). For the record, no one else brought their kids (or their moms and some people's moms I am actually close with). I have friends who just had babies in March, April and even last month and none of them brought their babies. I was kinda relieved - not because I wouldn't have wanted to see them, but because I'm sure people would expect me to hold their baby and I can't lift anything. Most don't understand about being on bedrest and I don't want to sound rude about not being able to hold their baby.

So when I got this email, I counted her out as not coming because I know her very well. I knew she wouldn't make it. I was kinda hurt, but honestly I assumed from the start that she wasn't able to come. I actually had to RSVP for her, since she was too busy to call my sister. She also asked me for directions to the shower and 1) i'm not hosting it and 2) that's just rude. I emailed her and said that the invite said how to get directions - said to call someone for directions (I mean don't people also know how to use maps.google.com). It's funny how people don't read invites.

Well, she called me the day after the shower - and I didn't answer my phone. She didn't leave a message, but sent an email saying how she really wanted to make it, but her daughter had a fever. But she wanted me to send her pictures...ok whatever.

To add more background to this person, she didn't show up to my wedding either. She had the same excuse - that she had to work. I mean I understand people work on saturdays, but I'm not 100% believing it with her. She RSVP'd for my wedding for her and her daughter and never showed. I mean a call the day before would have been cool...I could have invited other people.

Oh, I think most who read will find this pretty interesting (as the rest was a bore)... :) She never told me that she was pregnant. Yeah...Well, she found out that she was pregnant around the time I had my loss. But I've never told any of my friends 'please don't tell me news'. I don't think I make people walk on eggshells around me. Well, the only reason I found out she just had a baby - was I emailed her and never heard back from her. I was worried and asked her sister who didn't tell me either. Then she emails me that she just had a baby in August. So she didn't tell me for her whole pregnancy...I guess I can't find fault with that, since I've kept my pregnancy under wraps (but not from good friends - mainly coworkers).

Oh, and when I told her that I was pregnant and that we were having a boy (she has 2 girls), she doubted that I was. At first, I didn't tell her. Actually I didn't tell her but she found out when she got the baby shower invite. She said 'are you sure? you should keep asking them at your u/s because I do that.' I said 'well they told me twice, but i'll ask again'. :)

I really want to write her off, but I probably won't. Honestly, I wanted to write off a few people who I invited to my wedding and never showed. I know things come up (sick kids, etc), but some people are just rude. I guess I would rather someone tell me from the start that they can't attend.

No offense, to fertiles who may read this blog, but I think fertiles make excuses not to attend showers just as much as those dealing with infertility. So those of us who have been through a loss, don't feel bad about not attending showers. At least you have a better excuse than most...
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On a different note, I've talked on here about how my mom's friends try to give me gifts and suck up to me. Some are my age and I think they want to be my friends. I kinda have a chip on my shoulder about these people. I can't even go into what they have tried to do in the past - it's a mess. (including getting their children to call my p.arents -gma and gpa).(!!!!!) I think I am good judge of character and I don't like most of my mom's friends. I've also posted why on this blog before, but I'll post it again. My mom knows a c.elebrity and her friends are just there to meet this person. It is SO SO SO obvious - they are not genuine people. I kinda find it uncomfortable when my parents have friends who are the same age as me, but I know that happens a lot. My FIL has neighbors who he is friends with who are younger than me and DH. We both find it odd. I guess we don't mind so much as long as those people don't try to befriend us.

Last year, some of her friends tried to get me Christmas presents and some said they wanted to come to my shower (this was before my loss last year). Some have said they will b.ake a ca.ke - not for my shower but for other family events - of course they will because then they get invited to the event. This c.elebrity would most likely be there and they know that. They tell my mom 'we just are doing it out of the goodness of our heart'. Well, I declined all gifts that my mom was trying to give me from them last year. I think this surprised her friends as they don't understand why I would try to decline them. Well, this battle has been going on for awhile and I'm so tired of it. So for this shower, none of them got invited - I would have flipped out if they showed up. I think my mom understands a little how I feel and she didn't want to upset me (to cause any preterm labor, etc). BUT one of her friends did get me a gift for the shower...I decided instead of fighting the battle just to accept the gift and not say anything. I feel bad that I sold out, but I'm honestly tired of fighting this battle. Around my loss last year, I was dealing with these people and I really don't want to get myself upset about the whole situation. I know I won't be friends with this person. I sent her a thank you card and I hope I never have to see her again. I'm so proud of myself that this hasn't bothered me that much - of course it irritates me or I wouldn't write about it on this blog. But I'm not upset as much as I have been in the past... :)

34 weeks!

2008-12-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

I still can't believe that I made it this far. Wow...

Two and a half weeks until my cerclage is removed. I had a dream last night that the stitch came out when I went to the bathroom and I went into labor shortly after that. I guess I'm scared if something starts happening before the cerclage removal.

I think I will make it 2.5 wks though. I'm not traveling at all for Christmas - well haven't traveled anywhere since May. I hope my family gets to come up to visit us.

I also hope work is quiet next week - a lot of people take off at this time. So I hope work is quiet...

Congrats to Ariella!

2008-12-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

She had her baby boy on Sunday, I believe.
I can't wait to hear more details and see some pictures. He was born a little early at 36w2d, I think. But I know he is doing great!!
Congrats Ariella! I'm so happy your miracle is here.

Thoughts on bedrest

2008-12-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

So, last pregnancy I went into labor the night I went to the movies. Well, the process had already started and I don't blame the movie. But I went a few times to the movies in my last pregnancy and my uterus seemed irritable during loud movies. This time I said 'no' to going to any movies - well I did see Sex and the City when I was newly pregnant. That was the last movie I saw. I miss going. DH has gone a few times without me. I need to catch up on the summer blockbusters. I miss that I haven't gone with him since that was usually our date night-the movie theater we go to serves food. I want to go this month, but DH says 'no'. I miss it but I can put it off a few more weeks. (well after that it will be hard to go with a new baby).

I really felt my uterus was just more irritable mainly between 14-20 weeks. It's hard to explain, but I have two dogs and when they barked it drove me nuts. It still bothers me, but my uterus can handle it now a lot better. I know I mentioned before that I could never do weekly dr. apppts that most do with IC because walking to the drs. office would make my uterus irritable. Leaving my house to take a shower made me nervous and also made my uterus a little irritability. But now, I feel so better about leaving the house - I still get nervous, but I feel stronger. I think once the baby got big enough to not rest on my cervix, I could feel a lot better. I still get nervous when I go out to eat - will my water break unexpectedly? It did last time and I'm just scared it will happen in public. (to clarify it didn't break in public last time - it was the middle of the night in bed).

DH has turned 180 degrees. At first, he believed my peri who said I could do anything but waterski/jump on a trampoline. Now, DH is more conservative and won't let me do much. At first he was skeptical on my approach, but still supported me.
I don't drive and I probably could now, but he won't let me drive anywhere. Giving up things to be on bedrest is hard, but it is doable and to be honest the time is flying lately. I've been so conservative and then I think - well I've done it this long, I can keep doing what I am doing just a few more weeks. I am doing more lately - walking to the mailbox and going to stores, but I still lie down when I feel I have done too much. I've done most of my Christmas shopping online though.

The one positive thing about bedrest is that I've had time to work on things. For example, I made my own Christmas cards and already sent them out. I made them from a kit, so I wasn't that creative. It was time consuming though to put them together. I plan to do more scrapbooking too.

So I'm not sure why I'm rambling...just wanted to say what I miss, but what I can put off since it is worth it for the baby.
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I don't really miss coffee, but I will want some after I deliver. I didn't care for the smell too much this pregnancy.
I miss hot cocoa. I didn't really get to drink it, but now it is colder and I want some. I can't drink it because of the sugar and I don't do sugarfree. I did drink chocolate milk or chocolate shakes earlier in pregnancy. I tried to limit caffeine but I did eat dark chocolate every few days. But I can give it up a few more weeks...
I miss chinese food and other stuff that's hard to eat with my GD.
Actually, I will cheat and eat one slice of cake at my baby shower.
I miss movies.
I miss driving.
I miss more social interaction. If I wasn't working, I think I would go insane.

As the holidays approach, I am thankful for what I have. I also think a lot about my online friends and pray that they are successful in getting pregnant, delivering, or staying pregnant. May your holiday wishes come true!

OBGYN appt - 32w4d

2008-12-02T15:21:00.000-08:00

Dr measured me and I forgot to ask about fundal height. Ugh!
Baby's h/b was same almost as yesterday. They always have trouble finding it on one side and I tell them that it's easier on the oppposite side. Once I tell them that, they usually find it easily. Had to tell nurse that last time too.

Dr was so happy that I've made it this far. He was smiling and saying he was so glad I made it out of the 'red zone'. So last time, not sure if I posted when I was 28w5d or so and he said 'well you don't want to deliver now' when I asked him if I was out of the danger zone. So I guess he feels more comfortable now at my gestation. I told him 'maybe I'll go into labor when they take the stitch out' and he said 'not likely'. Boo, he agrees with my peri.

I'm guess I glad that I kept both my drs. as they know my history.

He says I'll get NSTs at his office at each visit from now on. I should have done one today instead of waiting 1 hr in the room for my dr to come. I think I'll be getting them because of GD. I told him peri won't do them. I think I mentioned yesterday how my peri says he doesn't like NSTs, prefers the u/s biophysical profile. He said obgyn could do them.

Dr. asked me if I felt uncomfortable - I told him yeah I was tired - but only because I had to sit there for an hr waiting for him. I left off the last part when telling him though. :)

Dr said if I was excited to deliver in the new location - I told him that the hospital website says they new women's section won't until spring next year. He told me that is not true and he has delivered babies there already. I'm excited as I thought he had it wrong when it he told me that months ago. I was counting on delivering at the same hospital but the old area for L&D. He opened the blinds to show me the new section of the hospital - it's across the street from his new office.

32w3d peri appt

2008-12-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

Stats:
Baby is measuring 4lbs 9oz - 50th percentile
It had me measuring a week to a week and a half ahead. Who knows...
Heartbeat was 147bpm
Baby was smacking his lips.
Baby is still head down.
Amniotic level is perfect - always my concern since I've been leaking urine since 4 weeks pregnant. I told him I really wouldn't know if it was amniotic fluid except last time I felt a slight gush a few hrs before my water broke. My leaking urine never gushes like that.

Cervical length was 3.02cm - down from last time, but peri didn't even comment or look at it. It goes down around this time for normal pregnant women. In fact, most girls on the IC forum I frequent don't get measured after 26/28 wks. I've been walking more, doing more around the house and doing stairs daily. So I'm glad those haven't affected my CL too much...I bought a bunch of gift bags yesterday - went out to the dollar tree - but DH didn't want me to stand in line so I went to sit in the car. We also went out to eat lunch. So I don't plan to really wrap presents even though I probably could manage it.

Baby was measuring on target - all body parts, so they aren't concerned with my gestational diabetes. Peri said if baby was 90% percentile or something they would worry. He also said that based on my week long numbers that I'm really borderline if anything. My obgyn's office never gave them my 3hr results and I forgot yet again to bring them. They aren't good at talking to each other - I think that isn't good. I did have a rough estimate of my numbers and he said I wasn't past the 2nd threshold.

Peri was not too concerned, but then again I've never seen him stressed or concerned. :) Actually, I lied - the one time I did him concerned was at my cerclage placement right before they knocked me out. He saw my cervix was opening from the bottom and he looked slightly panicked. He has so much confidence and is so laid back that I'm not sure how he handles patients with problems. I don't want to find out.

So back to my gestational diabetes conversation with him... He said I don't have to do insulin and if I did, it would bring my normal levels TOO low. Yea for no drugs!
I did test my blood for more than 7 days as they suggested because of the holidays. So I tested for 12 days total. I went over twice - the day after thanksgiving (once) and yesterday (once). I was good on thanksgiving and didn't stuff my face and even cheated and ate a small piece of pumpkin pie & pecan pie. My levels on thanksgiving were great. Peri said just to stick to my diet and test only once a week (4 times in one day) and send them my results. He said he would throw out those two bad results since all my other ones were perfect.
Oh, I won't be doing stress tests, but I do get ultrasounds once a week starting at 36 weeks but really it will be more like almost 37w5d as I get cerclage out at my next appt - 36w5d and then he said once a week for a month. I like the extra ultrasounds as I didn't expect them. I've read online that some people get NST - he said the u/s are much better (biophysical profile). I told him I'll have the baby on dec. 31st when they take the stitch out. Peri said 'not likely, that's pretty rare'. :) He estimates I'll go into labor 2 weeks after stitch removal. Oh, I told him I wanted to keep the stitch and he said that's fine. :) I know I'm weird. I want to compare it to others as there are a wide range of which type people use. He said it looks like a shoe lace. I'm curious to see what it looks like.

Next peri appt is cerclage removal - I never thought I would make it this far!

I have a baby shower this weekend. I'm excited, but nervous as always that I could go into labor before then. For anyone who has been through a loss, the worry is always there.

Thanks for the support ladies! I know I don't have many people who read this blog, but I hope someone finds it useful. Monica, Ariella and Busted, I know you are pretty much my only readers. Thank you for being there!

31week update!

2008-11-22T11:48:00.000-08:00

Well, we went to see my peri on Thursday for GD counseling. We actually just saw the nurse - of course- the one I don't like. She isn't good with patients. They first put me in a u/s room and I was excited that I might get an u/s - no such luck.
She just went over how to draw blood and diet.
She asked me what I ate for breakfast and I said 'oatmeal no sugar, banana whole, and a two bites of DH's huge cinammon roll'. My result came back GREAT - she said she was surprised that it came out good considering I shouldn't be eating cinammon rolls or banannas in the morning (no fruit in the morning - or before noon). Well I didn't know that because I didn't have the diet yet. Since testing (3 times on Thurs., 4 times on Friday and so far 3 times today) all results are way under the limit. Yea! So either my walking has helped as I increased my exercise from lying down all day to sitting up more and walking to the mailbox and a little beyond and/or following the diet has helped. Although I'm not sure the diet has helped 100% as I didn't start following it until thurs afternoon. I went to breakfast today with DH. We also went to lunch on Thursday after my appt.
Oh, I do testing 4 times a day for 7 days and then fax the peri's office my results. Then they will meet with me to discuss if the diet is working for me. If it isn't working - they will have me take insulin, but I think my levels are good so far. If they feel everything is working - I think I will only check my blood once a week.

DH setup our crib on Thursday afternoon and arranged our dresser/changer combo. He took a few days off from work and is off next week. We bought it from a friend and it's great - no scratches or anything. It's perfect. It made me finally realize that we may have a baby in 2 months from now. DH bought a mattress last weekend.

There is so much left to do, but it is helping the time to go by faster. I feel like I haven't done so many things.

I can't flake at work this week in fact I have a few deadlines. Ugh! I just want to take it easy this holiday week. Boo!

I have my baby's angelversary next week - it will be a sad time. I sound strong on here, but I have my really bad days where I'm not positive. I burst into tears one day when I saw a baby who was about the same age as my son would have been (six months) on an online forum. He was dressed in a santa outfit.

24 weeks - 29 weeks - what I did

2008-11-21T07:53:00.001-08:00

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This is what I did, it may not make sense to others. You have to do what your body feels comfortable with. I've learned to try to listen to my body.
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I started out this timeframe with harsh kicks, bh contx and some cramping a few days after I hit 24 weeks.
I didn't want to go to L&D as they don't know my history and I don't trust emergency room drs. I'm not sure if they admit you to L&D first (and wait for your dr) or if they would do what they did to me last time I went in. For example, I wouldn't want them to do a manual check. Last time my water had broken and they did a manual check - which can actually cause infection from what I have read on the internet.
So I felt sick on a sunday night, but opted not to go. Next day I went in for an emegency obgyn appt (peri wasn't in town and i'm not sure he would have seen me anyway - they push problems to the obgyn first). Of course, my obgyn has to be booked weeks in advanced (or months) and then even sometimes he is in surgery or delivering babies. I saw a nurse practioner which didn't help my nerves. Long story short since I posted this around that timeframe. I was diagnosed with BV (bacterial vaginosis) and a UTI. They found blood in my urine and it was very cloudy. The BV was causing the cramping and she saw discharge when she looked up into my vagina. I had no discharge at all. It scares me sometimes because my body doesn't typically have the *normal* symptoms others do. If I am sick I don't get a fever unless i'm about to die - ok I'm exaggerating. But even if i had a kidney infection or something serious my body would try to control it on its own and i would not have symptoms. I rarely ever get sick. So this is not good when you are looking for symptoms like fever or discharge and not having that...
I think this period was the hardest or maybe between 20 and 24 weeks. I felt 'ok i've made it to viability' but I didn't feel confident if I delivered around this time. Getting the diagnosis of BV and UTI had me googling and seeing that they could causes preterm labor. I had originally planned to do more around this time but after reading that I was overly cautious for weeks.
Also, I posted before I hit 24wks on the IC site I frequent asking about getting lenient around 24 wks. (and by getting more lenient I was going to start doing stairs twice a week). Most of the girls said if they ever did bedrest to do it between 24 and 28 or 24 and 32 weeks. To me, that was hard to hear because I had been good and doing bedrest since my cerclage at 12w4d when most of the girls on there don't put themselves on bedrest at all until things start going downhill. Some of their drs believe in bedrest, but my peri doesn't sound as cautious as some of their drs.
A girl on this site is 3 weeks ahead of me and she has been pretty strict with her bedrest like me. We talk and we had pretty much the same strategy (no stairs, ,showers every few days, etc). She lost twins last year in December and went through IVF/FET and transferred only one embryo this time. Recently she went to L&D and they put her on bedrest. I'm sure she felt like me that she had been so good this entire time and then she had bedrest anyway. Sometimes I think this will happen to me...I'm praying I don't have to do hospital bedrest, but I have been doing more.
So back to my point about timeline - IC rears its ugly head between 16 and 24 weeks (sometimes earlier like me). BUT 24-28 weeks is imperative for baby development, so you don't want to go into labor then. A lot of girls on the IC site have gone into labor between this period and had premies. I figure if I have been good this long, I could do a few more weeks.
So I decided to continue being conservative from 24-28weeks because of the infections. I did go out to dinner at 27 weeks (with my feet up on another chair) and did go over to my father in law's once a week during this time - to take a shower and visit him. Was inclined on his recliner the whole time... I stopped going outside my house to take a shower - at work - maybe around 25 or 26 weeks. It was perfect timing as it was starting to get colder outside and I didn't want to leave with wet hair. I could take a blow dryer, but that would mean standing up - my hair takes FOREVER to dry even with a blow dryer. I can't stand up for 30 min straight, etc.
I started taking a shower about the same - every 3 days until 28 weeks. 28 weeks I went upstairs and took a shower and stayed upstairs for a few days. I did a shower for 3 days straight - so nice. I probably took a shower during this timeframe every 2 days or so (after 28 weeks)
28-29 weeks I started going upstairs twice a week, I believe. This means I could take more showers. :)
29 weeks I went out for my birthday - DH dropped me off at the front of the restaurant and I sat outside until he parked. We went to a nice place - we had been planning it for awhile to go out if everything was ok with my cervical length.
Cervical length check at 28w5d was great so I kept doing what I was doing. Next check is at 32w3d and I plan to do stairs more before that time and then see how I'm reacting to it. If at any point, going upstairs puts me to have bh contx I would do less. Going down is fine.
I'm not sure what other helpful info I can put on here. Oh, I did start cooking more - maybe a meal once a week and nothing to difficult to cook.

OB appt - 30w5d

2008-11-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

My obgyn couldn't make it so I saw a nurse practioner (what is new).
She was a new one -or one I hadn't seen before and was pretty good.
Baby h/b was 145bpm
Belly measuring at 31 weeks - I always forget to ask them what the measurement was.
I haven't gained 1 pound in 2 weeks (!!). She said she wasn't concerned because of my diet changes. I'm supposed to be gaining 1/2 a pd a week.
Blood pressure is great. Urine is ok I think.
I told her I feel less movement and she just asked if I got 10 kicks a day - well yeah!!!!! But 1) I thought it was 10 kicks every 2 hrs and 2) I'm used to getting A LOT of kicks daily - 50-100 maybe. She said he may be running out of room or positioned differently.
I started walking daily to the mailbox. It's great because it hasn't given me BH contx and I haven't had discharge.
Oh, I only told my mom about having GD. She said that my sister had it with her last pregnancy (which was a boy and she was also 37 almost 38). My mom says 'everyone gets that'. Well maybe everyone in her family. :)

30 week update

2008-11-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

We went out to eat for my birthday last week. It was nice to go out to a very nice restaurant and I felt worried but still enjoyed myself. I did eat salmom and thought I ate pretty well.

Things are good, except I am officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I failed my 3 hr GTT this week. Boo...it's very upsetting.

So I have to follow a diet and get monitored more by my peri. I guess my first consultation is next week. I'm not complaining because I will do anything for this baby. Yeah I get to see my same peri's office so hopefully they can combine appts. I'm not sure if it means extra u/s or just monitoring my blood. I know a girl online gets non stress tests twice weekly.

I'm not very happy about it and I've read that 10% of women get this but I googled what could happen to the baby and it doesn't make me feel too good.

I have to admit my diet is not that great. DH doesn't cook anything that isn't easily able to be heated up. I am dependent on him for most of my meals and what he gets for me at the grocery store. I give him a list though. I can't blame him though. I am just used to eating what I want because I'm usually so active (run, walk, walk my dogs). I think the only reason I am getting this is because I am NOT active. Although my mom and my sister have pre-diabetes and if they had diabetes -I'm not sure they would tell me. My mom and my sister are overweight. Diabetes runs on my mom's side of the family. I've never had diabetes before.

So, yesterday I walked to my mail box and I'm going to try to start slowly to do more. I don't want to affect my cervix, but also it isn't healthy that I don't walk too much. I started doing stairs at my house about twice a week starting 2 weeks ago. I hope to do stairs almost daily starting in a few weeks.

I have gained a normal amount of weight in this pregnancy. Before I got pg last year I was a size 3 or 4...I was a size 2 when I got married. After I had the baby I had to lose the extra weight...when I got pg again this year I was probably a size 6. I'm also short. I ran a half marathon last year, so I'm pretty active.

On a happier note, I am still employed! I guess I'm ok with that. :) I don't like working especially right now, but I guess it means I can buy more stuff for the baby. I have been moved to a new manager. The positive thing is that I used to work for him informally before, so I know what he is like. I was scared he wouldn't let me work from home. In fact, we had a big mtg on Friday and I told him I couldn't go in for it. DH told me if they made me to just quit. So, my drs won't prescribe bedrest, so my last manager was kind enough to just let me work from home on her good faith. This new manager didn't ask me if it was dr. prescribed, he just said it was fine. It is still stressful since I will be doing a new job, but I hope between now and the baby's arrival - I can just skate by. I'm not sure that will be possible, but I need to not let myself get stressed (as I'm a workaholic and like doing a good job). With all my dr. appts, I'll be missing a lot of work. My new boss has 3 kids and he said he is very understanding about kids.

We haven't bought anything for the baby. I think I mentioned that my sister gave me boy clothes, but that's it. My mom bought us a stroller for our shower and it came last week, but when DH set it up it was damaged. We really liked the colors though (red and black). So, I ordered a replacement which won't be here until almost Christmas. I hope the baby doesn't come before that since it's a travel system (stroller and car seat). We bought a crib and a changer/dresser from a friend of DH's. We got it on Thursday and it isn't setup yet, but we really like it. It's great quality and we got a good deal. We have to do some carpet cleaning before we set it up and move some furniture. DH's friend also sold us a play yard for pretty cheap. We figured we needed an extra one when we visit family. It's a travel one. I hope to get one for us to always have downstairs, so this one would be an extra.

I have a shower next month which I'm looking forward to. I also have a couple's shower later next month.

Next post - what I did from 24-29 weeks.

Thanks for reading!

28w5d Peri appt

2008-11-05T12:35:00.000-08:00

Babies h/b was 153 bpm today.
I think he is measuring ahead, but I didn't write down what they calculated.
He is 2 lbs 15 oz. Yea!
His eyes were opening and closing and you could see that on u/s. DH thinks he looks like me and I think he looks like DH. His face is looking more recognizable. On a different note, we won't do the 3d u/s - we want to be surprised - although I know you can't exactly see what the babies look like on the 3d u/s.
He has no hair, but does have long eyelashes you could see on u/s.
Cervix is getting harder to see - but they measured it at 3.6cm. Of course, they do this on the abdomen, which isn't as accurate as TVU.

Bad news: I found out I failed my glucose test from yesterday - have to take the 3 hr test next week. I did eat right before my test, but instructions said that was ok.

They asked me if my baby was very active and I asked 'is it a bad thing if they move constantly'. There are times when he doesn't move though. But sometimes it scares me when he moves around too much. I think the election got him excited as he was kicking a lot last night and I might have had some bh contx. I guess he is an O.bama baby. I went to sleep before Obama's speech as I wanted to make sure the baby went to sleep.

I'm glad my cervical length is measuring good because I did go up the stairs on Friday and plan to go up again tomorrow maybe.

Forgot to mention you could see him practicing his breathing. U/s tech said 'he must be practicing for a marathon'. Funny she said that since both me and DH are runners.
He even covered his face when she started focusing on it.
I had them check yet again - 3rd time - if he was a boy (because friends and families keep asking me if I am sure.) LOL

Thanks for the support ladies!

Boring OB appt

2008-11-04T11:57:00.000-08:00

Last time I went in - it was an emergency appt so I didn't see my dr.
Today, I took my gestational diabetes (GD) test before going into my appt. I don't know the results, but hope all is well.
I asked my dr a lot of questions - I forgot to bring a list of stuff so of course I forgot to ask him some stuff.
It took him awhile to find the h/b and I forgot to ask what it was. I just lied there with my eyes closed trying to listen to the h/b.
My obgyn thinks everything will be ok. He is very laid back. He has tattoos, crazy hair, and a soul p.atch. I have been seeing him for 15 years I guess. I trust him, but honestly he wasn't the best at getting me pg or even the expert on my issue. I strongly advise high risk girls to see a high risk obgyn or peri.
I asked him about my infections (BV and UTI) - he said urine looked great today (as I told my DH beforehand that it didn't look cloudy). I'm a wannabe dr. :)
He said those infections can't harm the baby and I was 'what if they get up into the uterus (as my last loss was due to an infection)'. He said 'well not those kind'.
He said he is glad I got the cerclage and maybe it is helping me, but maybe not. He said it is just a safetynet, but it could be the reason I have made it this far. Gee thanks. I told him 'well I don't know if you know but my cervix was opening from the bottom at 12w4d when I had the cerclage placed'. He said 'i didn't know that but that can happen in normal ppl and its worse if it is opening from the top.' I honestly think I would have lost another baby without the cerclage. He said 'but some women have issues with the cerclage like PTL or infection'.
I asked him about the baby's head being down -as it was down already at 24w3d and he said 'that's great - it should be doing that'.
I had diarrhea this weekend and he said it wasn't a sign of labor and it is fine.
I like boring appts. I'm at the point where I'll be seen every 2 weeks now. Tomorrow I see my high risk peri.
Oh, he asked if my peri had offered to do steroids. I said 'believe me I've asked him but he said no unless things start going badly'. He said 'well he is the expert, so I would go with what he says'.

Ok, my last chance to inform undecided voters...

2008-11-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

If you don't know who to vote for and you don't know whether to believe emails that are sent to you (that obama doesn't like the national anthem or that he pals with bill ayers) - GO TO
WWW.FACTCHECK.ORG

This is a non-partisan website that evaluates claims from both sides and sees if there is truth to the allegations.

Please, America, make an informed choice tomorrow - we all will be stuck with our decision for at least 4 years. I will respect the choice if there is a fair vote -as this is who everyone will have chosen.

The reason I am posting this is because my FIL just sent an email to DH saying he believed one of the emails sent to him regarding the flag/national anthem. He already voted so no hope for him to change his mind there, but maybe there are people out there who haven't voted and can change their mind.

Whoever you vote for - just know the facts.

28 weeks later!

2008-10-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween - I'm 28 weeks!!!!

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I love this movie and the first one -28 days later. I think I mentioned before I love zombie movies. DH won't let me watch scary movies while pg (although I have some of this week). I've had so many zombie or vampire nightmares (more in early pregnancy) that DH doesn't think its healthy for the baby. I think the baby likes to be entertained at night. My dreams are crazy and sometimes I wake up and I think 'i am bored with that dream, but maybe the baby was entertained'. :)

Even with all the scary movies I've seen this week -especially on AMC -this week I've had election night -nighmares! I'll be glad when this election is over and I hope it isn't as close as I think it will be. I really don't want a repeat of 2000 where it comes down to a few votes. I hope there are no voting related issues.

On another note, why is it only republicans send stupid chain emails? I get these from relatives and friends from the dark side (just kidding). I don't get emails from democrats. My FIL believes all these emails he gets. I just hate chain mails in general but ones with lies are just intolerable.

Another 28 made the news this week - the P.hillies hadn't won the world series in 28 years! I was going for T.ampa Bay, but it is cool that the P.hillies won. I don't really watch b.aseball.

I go to the dr. twice next week (peri and obgyn), so I hope all is well with the baby and I'll have some updates on those appts.

How fair is it that I have my GD test on Monday? I won't be able to eat a lot of halloween candy. Boo...

Don't forget to change your clocks back on Saturday!

4- 24 weeks (continued)

2008-10-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, blame pregnancy brain but I probably forgot some of this.
*Again disclaimer : this is what I did, but it may not work for you. You have to listen to your body*

How often I stayed down: I worked on my computer for work while lying down sideways - this kinda hurts my back but it worked for me. I didn't like lifting my computer to put on my lap - even with my laptop desk. I would ask DH to put my laptop on the couch daily so I didn't have to lift it. I would get up to go to the bathroom or to heat up a quick snack, but otherwise I would stay horizonal on one side. If I lied down, I would try to stay that way for 30 min as usually I had to go to the bathroom around that time (then I would change positions - lie on other side). Sometimes I have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes, so it's a lot of getting up. I'm not sure if I lied down more than I should for modified bedrest, but I probably was leaning more towards strict bedrest.

Sneezing: Did I mention this last time? I tried to sneeze lying down as sneezing and coughing puts pressure on the cervix.

My drs: My peri said don't do bedrest and my obgyn said do very little but don't do bedrest. I think I might have mentioned this on the other post, not sure. Both drs never agreed on how conservative to be. My peri is not conservative.

Doppler: I wish I had one sometimes. I didn't want to get one because when my water broke last time, my baby's heart was still beating. Before I started getting regular kicks, I think having a doppler would have put my mind at ease. Even after getting regular kicks, there were times when I didn't have kicks and I worried.

Pelvic pain: I forgot to mention that I had pelvic pain around 20 - 23 weeks. My dr had no idea what it was. The nurse at my peri's office said that sometimes when things get loose down there you hear a lot of popping. It may be my age, but what she described is what I get - popping sound when I get up plus pain really low. She said it was like a turkey bone stretching out and popping. Mine was not sciatic pain, it was more pain related to this. What I did to fix this?: I slept with a pillow between my legs and still do. I find this pain is much better but I had some tough days where it hurt to walk between 21 and 23 weeks. It could have been the baby pushing down too, as I was told a week later that the baby was head down. But my cervical length was fine during this time, it is just that I felt the baby more down in my pelvis. Here's a link to kinda what I was feeling.
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/pubicpain.htm
I'm not sure this is the best website, but what I had was a pelvic pain and not sciatic.

Next wed or thurs. I'll have my 24-28 week update on what I did. Thanks for reading my blog, if you do. :)

Praise my husband day!

2008-10-22T11:03:00.001-07:00

My DH gets frustrated a lot since he has to do everything around the house, but I know he will do whatever he has to. We do get frustrated with each other.
I think he understands that bedrest is hard for me and I'm just not being lazy all day. I do work full time - but I have been flaking at work lately. :)
I do the bare minimum and try not to get frustrated with incompetent coworkers mainly c.onsultants that I work with. I'm very much a workaholic so it is hard for me not to get stressed over stuff not getting done - whether that's around the house or at work. I'm just a control freak probably. I have to let it go and not let myself get stressed with anything. That isn't to say I'm a neat freak and/or my house is spotless because it's not. I just want it cleaner than it is, but DH does a pretty good job.
DH told me that if I get laid off (which could happen at my job as there are some cutbacks), that it would be ok and I could take a few months off with the baby. I was told I would be ok - at least for the mean time at work. So it may be a blessing in disguise if I am laid off. DH was sweet yesterday when he said 'don't worry if you get laid off - don't let it upset you'. I like working and will eventually go back to work if that happened. Financially, we would be ok - we have little bills and my DH can support both of us.
Today he called to say he got the f.lu s.hot. Mind you, he has never gotten it - or he may have but not in the past five years. Every year he gets sick, but I'm not sure it is the flu. I think he gets a sinus infection. I told him that was sweet that he got it to protect me and the baby. I'm not getting one as I don't trust them but that is another post. I got my flu shot last year the day I went into labor -not sure it helped if I had an existing infection (although we all know that the shot doesn't cause the flu). :) I'm going to pass this year because 1)every year I get the shot I get sick. - not necessarily the flu. Last year I got sick, but not sure if it was the shot, the loss of the baby or something else. It wasn't the flu. 2) not sure I ever had the flu 3) I'm on house arrest so I'm not exposed to too many germs right now.

On another subject:
It is still hard for me to believe that there will be a baby in 13 weeks or less. (10 weeks from today I get my cerclage out) I'm not prepared at all for the baby. Nothing - nursery, baby seat, etc. My sister gave me some clothes though. I wonder when I can be happy and finally thinking that everything will work out - maybe when the baby is in my arms.

Can I blame Joe six pack?

2008-10-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we live in a free country and you can vote for whomever you want. That's the beauty of the US and everyone has an opinion.
But I think that if we vote for McCain that we will have more years of the same. I don't believe is giving big business tax breaks and those who look after their interests.
McCain acts as if he is interested in funding for special needs kids (like Sarah's down syndrome baby). I've never heard of republicans backing this type of funding, so I doubt it would happen. I do agree McCain is not Bush and things could be better. He is a good guy personally, but I don't think he is what our country needs.
My DH says Obama is the better choice in the eyes of Europe and the rest of the world. Let me just say that my DH normally never votes but we agree on politics. The world laughs at our picks and I've read something how they were excited that we had picked a female VP. They don't understand why we haven't elected a woman before. But once they got to know her and know she only got a passport in 2006, they were not impressed. Do we want her to be within a heartbeat of presidency? I'm all for women in office and strong women who can work and have kids, but she is not the right pick.
As most know who read my blog, that I was going for Hillary and Obama took time to grow on me. But I think he is the right choice. I hope that after the recent debates, people at least are not undecided anymore.
Can I blame joe the plumber and joe six pack if we get 4 more years of the same? We know who joe the plumber is voting for. I mean this happens every 4 years and then people regret their decision when the country is in a hole. McCain is pretty old and he makes faces (rolls his eyes) quite a bit. I find that immature and that comes out on the debates. From someone who is sarcastic and rolls her eyes a lot, it isn't the right thing to do in interviews, debates or when running for president. Ok, enough political blogging, this site is not for that purpose.
Geez...
My birthday falls around e.lection day and I'm not using my b.irthday w.ish on the election. I did that before and it didn't turn out well - remember 2000. That's a great story that I won't post on this blog.

Under 100 days!

2008-10-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

I have 99 days left. I still have good days and bad days.

A girl on a forum I frequent lost her daughter at 21weeks+ and she had a cerclage. I feel so bad for her and I'm not sure it ever helps my confidence to read bad news while pregnant. It's so unfair. My heart goes out to her and her family. This is her 2nd loss.

I hope I can do early voting - if the lines aren't long as I don't want to stand. There is no way that I can do regular voting as the lines in my district are long. I was going to try to do absentee voting, but it made it complicated to apply for that. I had to mail or fax something in -which I really can't do. Of course, I can ask my DH to do this but he does SO MUCH already - I hate asking him for extra stuff. He does the grocery shopping, feeding our two dogs, dishes, cleaning, laundry, drives me for showers and to the dr.

Have a good week everyone!

Milestones this week...

2008-10-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, was 12 weeks since my cerclage placement. That means 12 weeks of modified bed rest. Wow...

Today is 12 weeks until my cerclage is removed-dec. 31st. I pray I can hold out the remaining 12 weeks. That seems like a long time, but I won't be on modified bedrest the remaining 12 weeks (hopefully).

I'm taking two types of antibiotics and so far so good. I feel that me and the baby will be ok. I kept googling today and found out that some people are prone to getting UTIs - people with s.ickle cell t.rait. I haven't been tested but I'm pretty sure I have that as my sisters do. I always tell my drs and they never think having this trait causes anything.

Why can't things ever go smoothly?

2008-10-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

On Friday, the baby was kicking a lot and I'm not sure if I was feeling pain. Saturday, I had it a little bit of pain but didn't know if it was pain or just the baby's hard kicks. Sunday I had cramping at night, but didn't want to go to L&D as I know they will do a manual check and I really don't trust the oncall drs to not do that - as they don't understand I'm high risk and I have a cerclage.

So, I made an appt on Monday with my obygn. I couldn't see him though, just a nurse practioner.

I left a urine sample and I told DH that my urine was cloudy and I thought I might have an infection. They found blood and white blood cells in my urine so wanted to do a pelvic exam. I was so scared as my obgyn usually doesn't even want to do these while I'm pregnant. They told me since I was having cramping they should definitely check. I finally felt OK to let her check because I really hate seeing nurse practioners (nothing against them - i know there are good ones out there but I've had bad experiences in the past). She found some discharge (white) in my vagina and tested it for bacterial vaginosis (BV). It was positive for that. I wasn't having any discharge or bleeding. She also said I have a UTI. I got antibiotics for both. I didn't have burning or itching - only symptom was cramping on sunday night - no cramping yesterday. I've read that BV doesn't sometimes have symptoms. They told me that people who have sex may know that they have this sooner than those of us that don't have sex.

Please spare a prayer or thought (for the non-religious) for me and my baby. I hope (and think) we will be OK, but it is scary. Many pregnant ladies get UTI and/or BV, but they are not high risk like me. I got an infection that caused my water to break last time (baby had an infection of the amniotic fluid). The only saving grace that I have now is that I have a cerclage which is keeping my cervix closed very tightly. I've read that having BV can increase the chance for preterm labor and/or rupture of membranes and/or preterm delivery (before 37 wks). That is the part that scares me.

Some positive things I have found on the internet: (I need to stop googling though)
*If found early, BVs are not a major issue if treated while pregnant.
*My cervix was closed, so that is a good thing.
*Many women get this while pregnant. 10-30% I think I read.
*I asked the women on my board yesterday and one had it in the 2nd trimester while pregnant. That does provide me some comfort that some have this and then go on to deliver a baby.
*I've read that it is more common with cerclages. It sometimes happen when people have sex which I AM NOT. They told me at the drs office that people with cerclages are more prone to this as the cerclage keeps things moist down there.
*I'm glad that they found it (as I didn't want her to give me a pelvic exam). By the way, she didn't check manually which was great.
*I'm glad I listened to my body and went in.

Dr's office don't seem concerned. They aren't seeing me until another 4 weeks. Peri's office (nurse) called to check up on me after I let them know I was going in to see my obgyn. They said I could go in there next time maybe - but my peri was out yesterday. They also weren't too concerned.

4 -24wks - what I did

2008-10-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

****Disclaimer***** This is what I did to get to 24 weeks. It may not work for you. Everyone is different and they have to do what they feel comfortable with (and listen to their body). This is mainly for me to document on what I did to get to 24weeks with an incompetent cervix and a cerclage.
*********************************************************************************
When I first found out that I was pregnant, my RE said no acupuncture and no travel - not even to a city 1 hr from where I live -before first u/s. I had to make a decision to take some heat and miss a planned vacation and an important family event. My DH has been very supportive. I couldn't have made it this long without his help.

My mom told me to be selfish and to do what was right for me and baby, so I decided modified bed rest with no travel at all even after first u/s. This upset my friends and family as they didn't know I was pregnant at the time. I had to throw a party for my boss at work, but decided to leave early as it was smokey. I was about 5 wks. I had to make excuses not to go to lunch everyday - more on that later...

**Stairs**
4-12 weeks - I went up stairs only once a day (once down and once up). I had to make an exception right before my cerclage as I had to get some bloodwork and my paperwork was upstairs. I went up sideways even starting at 4wks. I came down slowly but the regular way.
I went up the day after my cerclage at 12w5d. I had some bh contx I believe from going upstairs. I stayed up there for 2 weeks until my follow up appt at 14w4d. DH brought me food and I had a microwave upstairs to heat up food. He just left me food daily in a cooler.
I went up after my checkup at 14w5d or 14w6d and stayed upstairs until 16 week appt with my obgyn.
I had to do stairs at my peri's off at my 14w4d checkup - one flight - but a lot of stairs. In hindsight, I should have cancelled my appt or just waited as they fixed the elevator shortly after my appt. I had bh contx that I didn't recognize while having my checkup that they could see on my u/s.
Lots of people do stairs with no problems, but I think people should minimize stairs.
I do plan to do stairs more at around 27/28 weeks. (if I feel up to it and don't get bh contx).

**Lunch**
I did go out to each lunch with people, but there were a lot of variables which you can never control. Long lines, driving with others who don't drive well, etc...
I tried to minimize going out to lunch with coworkers to maybe twice a week. I stopped completely at 12w.

**Cervix and how it behaved**
I had to listen to my body and know what was normal for me. I had vaginal discharge daily - usually after BM. Then I started having some if I did too much - standing too long. A few days before my surgery, I went to a hotel with my DH (in my same city). I started feeling weird down there, so I tried to lay down as much as possible, but we did go out to breakfast and to dinner. On the day of my surgery - 2 days later - my cervix was opening from the bottom. It could have been what I felt, although drs say you can't really feel your cervix dialating.

**Grocery shopping**
I stopped going with DH around 8 weeks and made him go by himself (probably for the rest of the pregnancy). I make him a list and he is pretty good about getting stuff that I can eat. When I did go before 8 weeks, I didn't lift anything. I also tried to walk slowly. I had some discharge one time which is why I stopped going.

**Discharge**
Tan discharge after BM almost daily. I started taking colace daily mainly after my cerclage to keep me regular. I think it helped, but every BM was scary for me (and still is). I still had days where the colace didn't do the job, but I didn't take as much as others do. I hate taking stuff while pregnant.
After my cerclage, I had a different type of discharge and that was my new norm. I had it usually after BM. I also had it when going to get a shower and eating out. I also had it usually more about once a week.

**Exercise or even walking - from a former runner***
NONE. Minimized even walking from the beginning. Not even to my mailbox or around my neighboorhood with my dogs. I might have gone for a quick walk once, but stopped it pretty early.

**Leaking fluid**
I had leaking fluid from day 1 on this pregnancy. I had it on my last pregnancy too, but my RE had explained to me that it was excess estrogen (since I was taking estradiol during my IVF pregnancy). All 3 of my drs. could never explain why I had this - this time. DH asked RE if it could be amniotic fluid (since that happened w/us last time) and RE said if it was there would be none around the baby (that early) and baby wouldn't be there. It was my norm, but scary. I had time that I didn't know if it was amniotic fluid. One time (16 wks) I was dying to check at the obgyn's office, but he told me to wait it out as he didn't want to put anything in my vagina. I agreed with that approach. I waited for my big u/s at 18w4d and they told me my fluid was just fine. I then knew it was probably just urine and my normal. I had to wear liners everyday so far this entire pregnancy. I'm not a dr. but the only thing I can think of is more soy in my diet. I was eating a ton of cheezits and they have soy in them - so does all processed foods like junkfood and chips- check your labels. I'm not saying it is a bad thing, but I think I was getting a lot in my diet. I also eat vegetarian a lot and I could be eating things that had soy or tofu in it. Again, I'm not a dr. and my drs. have never told me this. This is just something that I have thought. I had more leaking when sitting upright - like going out to eat, etc. I have tried limiting my soy and I seem to have it less.

**Eating out**
I minimized eating out after 14w4d, but did go out to eat when we went to the obgyn or peri. I also went sometimes with DH when I went for a shower. I had to leave my house for a shower since I don't have one downstairs. I WAS SO NERVOUS going out to eat - scared if I broke my water in a restaurant. It was just hard to enjoy going out to eat - something my DH and I do a lot normally. I stopped going out to eat - even the only once a wk that I went - at around 19 weeks. I had more discharge when sitting up. I'll try to eat out more now - but probably starting at 27 wks or so (even then just once a week). I will only continue to go if I feel up to it and not scared and not enjoying the experience.

**SEX**
None. Peri said I could. Obgyn said not to. We didn't once we found out we were pregnant. In fact, during first trimester and early 2nd trimester, I had some orga$ms in my sleep and they gave me bh contx and one time caused a bleeding episode (although I'm not 100% sure that is what caused it). I tried to watching boring stuff and still do - nothing with sex in it.

**Bedrest**
Lying on the couch for most of the day except for bathroom breaks and to heat up something quick. Unfortunately, I ate a lot of frozen dinners which have soy and not great ingredients. I tried to eat mainly organic, but I did eat a lot of frozen dinners that were not organic.
My drs said to NOT do bedrest and that I was normal. Unfortunately, I don't trust drs. so I did what was right me. Male drs. don't understand what we went through with our loss last time. I'm not sure even female drs would get it - only those who have been through a loss understand. I'm not sure they can ever understand how scared we are. Women blame themselves even if it isn't their fault (I did too much, what if I didn't do this, etc). Drs HATE recommending bedrest. In fact, my peri said I could get a blood clot and die. I still could, but I hope I don't. I do lie down more than I probably should.

**After placement**
I had cramping the night of my cerclage. I opted not to take pain meds. I did take a week of antibiotics. I had diarrhea the next day with some gushing, but they told me it was normal. I had red/pink bleeding right afterwards and for days some pink spotting. I had spotting for probably a week or more after the cerclage. It felt like I had a tampon for a few weeks after placement.
I had movement pretty low around 16-20 weeks. Dr. said that was normal.

**Working**
I worked a normal schedule until 12 weeks. A few days before 12 weeks, I asked my manager if I could work from home. She agreed. I am still working from home, but I did take a week vacation (not that I went anywhere - just didn't think about work). I took a week off on my 20th week. I have a stressful job, but it is a desk job that I can do reclined. I'm thankful I was able to work from home. I've done it before with my current job, so they knew I was pretty good at working from home.

**Showers**
After cerclage, I tried to take a shower every other day. DH said 'why can't you take one daily'. I said because I think I need to minimize showers. I did take quick showers - from a person who normally took long showers.
Since 16wks, I've been downstairs and leaving my house to go take a shower about every 4 days. I go to work which has a shower that has a seat - although I just started using the seat over the last 3 wks. Since I only take a shower every 4 days, I take about a 7-10 min shower. I plan to increase my showers once I go upstairs - maybe every 2 days....

**Friends/family**
Lean on them as much as you can. We had people who brought over food for us. My mom cooked a few meals for me. Without help, it would have even been harder...NO ONE understands what you mean when you say 'i'm on bedrest' until they visit you (and in my case - seeing where I sleep). I had people who said 'can't you meet up for lunch' or family who wanted me to visit them. I'm like 'i'm on bedrest I don't leave my house and I don't drive'. They never seemed to get it. Even after some people visited, they still didn't get it, but it did help when they came over to see 'our world'.

**Thoughts**
I'm not sure I could do this again. Of course, I'm just concentrating on this baby, but I still think could I do this again. I probably could if I had a house that had a bedroom downstairs. We do plan to move in the next few years, but I'm not sure if that will help. I can't even imagine doing what I did with a small baby or a toddler. I don't have the advantage of waiting 5 years before having another baby (I'm almost 36). I really don't ever want to do IVF again. I could change my mind, but I really don't think I would.
I made a countdown of days -one until viability, one until 28 weeks, etc (short goals). After 28 weeks, I will have one until 32, etc. I also made a calendar and crossed out the entire month when it was over. I visualized me crossing out each month every few days.
I also have a countdown of weeks.
I have some mantras I have written down that help me when I am down (cerclage is strong, cerclage will hold, my cervical length is long, my baby grows strong each day, it's in God's hands, don't worry about what others think).

I won't lie - the cerclage and bedrest are the hardest things I have had to do in my life. It will be worth it, but it isn't easy. The last 20 days before viability were extremely difficult. I had good days and bad days. The next month will be hard too as I try to keep doing what I have been doing.

I'm sure I will have forgotten something, so I'll try to add posts related to the heading on this one.

24 weeks - Viability!

2008-10-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

24 weeks - Viability!

I'm not a race car fan, but I thought it was cool this came out yesterday on the Today show. 24!!!

I'm so scared to have the baby between now and 28 weeks. Baby needs to stay in until at least my stitch comes out - December 31st.

Thank God for keeping this baby inside me! When I first got pregnant I prayed the rosary and it provided some comfort to me. (54 day novena)

My mom says that I'm like a chicken sitting on her eggs. This pregnancy has been hard, but it will be worth it once the baby is here safely.

Next post (sorry I lied last time) will have what I did that helped me get to 24 weeks. I hope to post this later today.

23w5d peri appt

2008-10-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

So far so good...
Cervix was measuring at 3.3cm I believe. No funneling. That seems longer than last time, but I'm not sure the sonographer is the best at measuring. She kinda rushes everything. I had a different one today than I normally do. I don't trust her measurement to be honest.
She couldn't get good pics of the baby - DH said her pics suck compared to other sonographer.
H/B was 169 - had to ask my peri as she didn't even tell me that.
When she measured the baby's head I saw it said 25w, but she told me 'you are 23 wks pg'. I said 'I hope more than that' and she was kinda rude saying 'well I never say the days because it freaks people out'. Uhhh, I think it freaks people out if you only say the weeks, but it could be me.
Another nurse came in before my peri as he was running late. It was the nurse I hadn't seen at all during this pregnancy who I had last time when we had the loss. I don't care for her much. She just answered some questions and asked if we wanted to wait for peri as he was running late.
We waited for peri although it was kinda a long wait - I almost wanted to go home.
He came in and told us that the baby was measuring 23w6d and everything looked good.
He said 2 appts and then on my 3rd appt the stitch comes out. I think they kind messed up on my appts for the rest of the year. They said my stitch comes out on Dec. 31st, but it should come out at 36 weeks, and that is 36w5d, but maybe they just don't care as long as it is in the week of 36. I was arguing with them because originally they scheduled it at 38 weeks. I'll ask them on my next visit if 36w5d is correct. I just don't want to go into labor with the stitch in, but most girls on the IC boards get it taken out at 37 wks.
They told me to call with any spotting as that usually means cervical change.
I pray I don't have any at all. I'm going to take it easy for the next few weeks and then try to do a little more.
My next post will say what I did from 4wks to 24 wks. It is mainly for me to document how I got to 24 wks.
Happy October!!!!!

My favorite TV shows

2008-09-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, not sure why this is important, but I wanted to write down the shows that I watch as the new season approaches. It is something to focus on. What are your favorite shows - still showing or not?

I watch and I love:
*Dexter - love the writing
*Weeds - gone downhill but still interesting to me
*Terminator - I love the terminator movies.
*Brothers and Sisters - I love how they have dealt with infertility, pregnancy loss, and adoption
*How I met your mother

Other things that I watch, but it's ok if I miss an episode:
*Desperate Housewives
*Dancing with the Stars
*Millionaire & Jeopardy- when I am bored during the day
*The Doctors - I started watching this - some of the stuff on there I don't care for.

Things I like to watch, but don't always get to: (not just TV)
*Old movies
*60s movies my mom made me watch - Elvis or Beach movies
*Old Twilight Zone episodes - LOVE THEM! I watched some of the newer ones that they are showing again. One seriously disturbed me...
*Scary movies - love zombie movies

What about you? I watch a lot of tv lately -not good - but such is my life. I am sure I missed some shows that I watch.

Good news!

2008-09-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I had an ordinary obgyn appt today. No u/s, so just hoping my CL is good. I told my dr. that I feel growing pains down low, but he said this is normal growing pains and some people have more pain down low with a cerclage. I asked him if I could feel if my cervical length was shrinking and he said probably not. He said that spotting/bleeding is a good indicator of cervical change. As long as I don't have that, he isn't concerned. Thank God for that!

Ok, so for the good news...my obgyn surprised me that he is moving to a new facility. It's closer to my house! Yea! But that isn't the best part...the hospital he will be delivering babies is also near my house and very nice. Also they have a new Labor & Delivery area opening in November at this hospital. He said it will be the best place in my city to deliver a baby. It's not a catholic hospital like my last one, but that is ok. I liked my last hospital as the facilities were nice and people were very compassionate. But change is good as we didn't have a good outcome at the last hospital.
I've been to that hospital before visitng a friend who had a baby and my FIL who was there. I would say it is about 2 miles away - so close. And...it will have a great NICU -hopefully I won't need that, but it is good to know it will be there.
I'm excited for a change.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Stuck in high school...

2008-09-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

I called my grandmother yesterday to tell her that I was pregnant and one of my aunts. My grandmother is in her 90s and when I first started talking to her she said 'I was thinking about you yesterday that you are pregnant'. I told her that I am pregnant. It's kinda weird she thought that, but I think someone might have told her but her brain is getting old now. Who knows?
It is very difficult to call her because she cries a lot when I call. I think it is half tears of joy though. I don't call her that often because honestly it is difficult to endure a phone call where someone is constantly crying on the other end. I started crying of course and it isn't something I want to do too much when I'm pregnant. I was dreading the call, but glad it was short and she was happy that I called. She is not a very nice MIL to my mother. Her son is perfect - everything that could be attributed to him - the blame is placed on my mom. We have a weird relationship. I'm apparently her favorite as I look like her son and her husband who passed away. But I don't always feel the love from her...I do love her though.
She is so 'old school'. I hate it when people don't know they are saying stuff that is mean, but it is. She always tells me (like every time I call her for one year now and even yesterday) 'that's good you are pregnant, people should always have 1-2 children, but no more and no less'. Of course, after I lost my son, these words didn't provide me hope. I let her pass with her comments as she is old and she doesn't know how to be PC. Her sister had one child and had a lot of difficult even getting pregnant. Her other sister never had children.

We told one of our friends yesterday who had kinda lost touch with us for about a year. It is DH's friends and he just kinda wasn't happy with them so he cut communication w/them (but they also didn't communicate much w/us). They called yesterday to tell us they wanted to visit and show us their 1yr3m old son. We told them our news.

I told one of my high school friends yesterday. It's funny how people our self centered. She is very much like my sister. I talked to her for 1 hr and it was 50 mins about her and 10 min about me (or less). Not too balanced...She also says things like 'well i'm a mom so i have to buy my kids, xyz and that is expensive'. We are the same age, but one of her children is a teenager. Anyway, she calls me back and I don't answer as I'm in the bathroom. I thought 'maybe she is calling back to offer to have a shower for me'. I already have a family shower in the works and maybe another shower from a friend, so I don't need another one. I should know better. I checked the message and she is calling to tell me that she got an email for our 20 yr r.eunion. I did not call her back for that. :) I wouldn't go anyway - I didn't go to our 10 yr r.eunion. Why would I go to this one? She is so stuck in high school and I'm not, so our phone calls are always 'oh so and so got divorced or had another baby, etc'. First of all, I didn't graduate 20 yrs ago. I have a few years to go. :)

Ok, I have to comment....

2008-09-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, I wasn't going to have this blog be political, but I have to speak up.
I think children are not necessarily off limits when evaluating a candidate. If they say that is true, then why did we find out that Dick Cheney's daughter was lesbian years ago. Ok, so they didn't spend that much time on that new story, but it is news if you put yourself in the public spotlight. Ok, so maybe his daughter was not a minor, but still. If she doesn't have time to spend talking to her daughter about sex, does she have time to lead our nation?
Running for VP or prez, you are putting yourself out there. (like a celebrity). If angelina jolie had a daughter that was pregnant at 17, that would be news too.
Private lives are out there - if they weren't why would we know about john edward possibly fathering a child or bill clinton having oral sex.
But I do agree with the republicans in that, nobody ever asks about who many children a man has and if it is affecting his workload. At work, I see this a lot. Women get the short end of that stick and that is SEXIST. She can do the job even if she has 5 kids. (but I do think how she treats her kids should be examined).
I was for Hillary as most know who read my blog in the past, but I won't vote for Sarah Palin just because she is a women. Unfortunately for the republicans, women in the US are smarter than that. (to pick someone based on gender). Women are constantly underestimated. I will not vote for Sarah Palin because she is a women. I'm not 100% that I want to vote for obama, but you know what Sarah Palin isn't impressing me so far. I will wait and see.

Happy Labor Day!

2008-08-31T16:31:00.001-07:00

I read a whole book yesterday! That's a pretty big deal for me - i'm not a big reader. I wish I read more - I do have more time w/bedrest now.
It was an easy book and very short. :)
'The Last Lecture' by Randy Pausch. I loved it and could really relate. He was a computer science teacher and I was a computer programmer. Such good advice on living life and enjoying each day...I had read about him in Parade magazine a few months back. I highly recommend it. I hope my DH reads it soon.

I went for my weekly shower today - the water was very cold -we go to where I work - not sure if the hot water just wasn't working. It was still nice to have a shower.
Yea -holiday tomorrow!!! It will be relaxing not to work.
I had some visitors on Friday afternoon. It's great to have visitors, but still tiring for me as people can be very loud.

My neighbors were having a party yesterday and we aren't close with them. They are loud. I could write more but I won't. They are single people-not sure how many live there. I'm just glad they didn't have music on very loudly as they usually do. They were yelling stupid stuff out though. I started laughing when it started pouring rain- as they were all out there swimming in their pool and enjoying the sun. Then I thought that my DH was out biking and probably also got poured on.

I'm praying for those in New Orleans as they are getting hit again. I hope everyone could get out this time - even the people without money or transportation.

A year ago tomorrow is the day I had my IVF transfer.

Big u/s results

2008-08-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

Had big u/s today. They confirmed I am having a boy. I guess they were right 4 weeks ago.
CL was 3.0 - that is ok for me. Down from last time, but same girl who measured it last time and measured it short measured it today-so I'm thinking it is around 3.0 or maybe slightly higher if peri had measured it.
I told the nurse and peri that I feel movement very low - but have read others have that too with a cerclage. Peri says baby could be kicking my bladder or cervix. They said my uterus is still low, so movement will be lower until 24 wks. I feel very little movement so far. Just some taps here and there...but I get scared when I get the movement that low. I usually just lie down more when I have this.
No funneling.
Baby is measuring 9 oz and had a h/b of 163.
Baby is measuring 19w2d - 4 days ahead.
Baby's heart and brain seem good.
We talked w/the peri afterwards. He thinks I am a 'normal pregnant person' now. He said 'no more baby drama for you'. Well, I'll still do what I have been doing until 24 weeks. It is working I think. I will go up my stairs around 24 wks.
Peri says he won't see me for 5 or 6 weeks. I'm scared to go that long, but trust his judgment. Honestly, I can't go every week because I'm doing everything possible as-is to keep the baby inside. So if my CL dropped suddenly, it would hard for me to be stricter with my activities. So, the way I look at it is that I would rather have less dr. appts as getting in the car and walking around brings on BH contractions for me and/or irritable uterus.
We stopped to grab a bite on the way - a quick restaurant where I didn't have to stand long.
I asked peri about steroid shots at 24 wks and he won't give them to me unless things start going badly. I asked him about delivery of a premie - what if my water broke - which hospital should I go to. He said that won't be an issue. He is confident I'll go until 2 weeks after my cerclage is removed at 36 wks. (I'm more than halfway there!!!) He said just go to my normal hospital and I would be transferred if I delivered before 36 wks.
I've been leaking urine since the start of this pregnancy. The more water I drink the more I notice this. Peri said he doesn't know why, but it can happen and it will just get worse as my bladder has less room because of the baby's growth. None of my drs seem to know why i have this - it isn't when i sneeze or cough as they usually expect. My amniotic fluid was perfect so that calms my fears that it could be a slow amniotic leak. Yea! That is what I worried about two weeks ago when I visited my obgyn and they didn't want to do the amniotic fluid test or an u/s to check it out.
I wish I could have my peri's confidence. I do trust him more though. So far so good...

Are we so different?

2008-08-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/mourned-after-being-rejected-baby-gorilla-at-heart-of-zoo-row-901852.html

On inside edition today, they were showing video of a gorilla whose baby had died at 3 months old. She was mourning the loss of her son. Inside Edition said he had a heart condition, but this article didn't say that.

It was so heartbreaking to see and brought some tears to my eyes.

Here is an article that talks about the heart defect:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2008/08/19/eagorilla119.xml

So sad...

Yea - it's raining!

2008-08-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, as most of you know, I prefer the sun to the rain - hence the name of my blog, but it's summer and I live in a hot state in the south. It hasn't rained for awhile - well really good...

It just started pouring - yea!! They predicted 6-8 inches where I live over the next 5 days and I hope we will get it. The weather people have been really wrong lately though. I seriously doubt we will get that much.

I usually water plants, trees, etc, but since I'm on bedrest DH doesn't water them but I agree with him there isn't much point with how dry it is here. We just hate wasting water. Our grass is like hay. My trees will love the rain!

I am glad it is raining for another reason - because it will bring down our temperatures. Even inside, I feel hot - even with the a/c on. I always feel hot even when I'm not pregnant. DH says I'm always hot that's why I rarely get sick. He thinks viruses can't live in my body.

The raining has already stopped - please more rain!!!

Sorry I have to vent

2008-08-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Although I told my sister (well one of them) not to tell anyone - she has told all her friends. I figured she would, she doens't respect people's right to tell news on their own timeframe. Oh well, I can't control it. My mom is visiting her and told me that everyone seems to know. My sisters friends are like sisters to her, so she thinks it is fine to tell them. I told her today it was a boy and I'm sure she will tell her friends.
My DH said I might as well tell my friends - as only a few of my friends now. And I haven't told my coworkers either...
I haven't been sleeping well, but it is hard to sleep downstairs on the couch which isn't very comfortable. Our couch is leather, but not too comfortable to sleep on. I usually wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. This happened on Friday morning and I told my DH in the morning that I couldn't stop thinking about work issues and that if I didn't call in sick for part of the day - I would go insane. I think I was having BH contractions because of the stress.
So Friday, I worked from 8am - 11am and then said I was 'sick'. I think it will help my coworkers if they know I'm pregnant because they will hassle me less to do things that others should be doing. I felt so good after not thinking about work the rest of the day. I slept. I told them I would work part of this weekend, but I hope I don't.
I really don't want the stress to get to me and especially the baby, but I am a workaholic and it is hard for me to not think about work issues. It's hard for me to turn this off. DH can do that easily, but I always want to do a good job.
One of our friends came over on Friday. They brought us dinner and spent time watching the olympics with us. I like having visitors, but they can get loud. Loud noises usually affect the baby (like our dogs barking). I was pretty ok with it though and glad to see my friends. My friend's DH touched my belly for a good amount of time. It's funny because he doesn't want kids, but seems excited for us. It was the first time someone touched my belly - besides my DH.
I told DH that I feel like I'm not gaining weight. I'm not too hungry to eat. I told him I think I lost weight - gaining it in my belly area, but losing it on my legs. He agreed that I lost weight in other places. Bedrest doesn't increase my appetite, but I'm forcing myself to eat more. I ate a big burger today, but didn't finish it. But I think the milkshake I ate will help... :)
Our friends had a party last week and some other friends (not close friends) had a party the week before and we missed both. So, apparently the friends that know kept their mouth shut, but told me that our other friends are bitching that we hate them. I don't really want to tell those other friends since they aren't that close and they are being jerks about things. Little things like that bother me too. I emailed both guys (since I'm friends more with the guys - former coworkers) and said something kinda rude implying my friend told me what they said about us. I said 'I promise we aren't avoiding you'...
One of the guys I wrote the above in a nice way, but he wrote back saying 'well it just seems like you guys are avoiding us at every party'. So that is when I wrote something not exactly rude but just saying 'sorry we couldn't go to your birthday, but I think I told you we were out of town for my DH's birthday and then I had surgery where I couldn't leave the house'. I hope I made them feel a little bad for them being rude and constantly complaining we aren't seeing them. Both sets of these other friends are not friends we ever hang out with as a couple. I usually go to lunch with them (the guys) in a group of ex-coworkers. In fact,I went to lunch for this guy's birthday the Friday before my surgery. (but we missed his surprise bday party since my DH and I went to a hotel one night before my surgery -to celebrate my DH's birthday - in our same city). This guy thinks my DH is avoiding him, which I think is funny.
I hope all is well with the baby with all the stress. I know I shouldn't let things get to me. It's hard but I'm getting better.
I have crazy dreams which stress me out too. I am claustrophobic again on this pregnancy. I have dreams which put me in situations that get me panicked. I'm so funny in my dreams because I tell people 'i'm pregnant, why am I walking around.' Even in my dreams, I know I shouldn't be walking around - but I am. :) I can't really help having stressful dreams.

OBGYN appt

2008-08-08T14:32:00.001-07:00

Dr. didn't want to do u/s, and I didn't push the issue for cervical length measurement. I really wanted an u/s, but decided I would be ok without one.

I told him I am still leaking fluid (probably urine)- have been since 4 weeks pregnant though. He thinks I am fine and didn't want to do a test for amniotic fluid. He prefers not to put anything in the vagina and I agree with him. I would have prefered an u/s to see that all the fluid levels were ok. My dr. is very compassionate and just said he understands that I have an 'anniversary' this week - that I may have anxiety. He then said 'don't spend your time worrying as there is nothing you can do. Worry will not help, so you might as well spend your time thinking positive thoughts'. I told him that works keeps my mind off things, so I don't think I am constantly worrying.

My DH thinks I have gained 10lbs. Well, he went with me to the obgyn today and they said I have gained 1 POUND. I just told my husband 'see I told you!' in front of my dr. The dr. just said 'that can't be right'. He didn't sound concerned, though.

I think I might have gained 2 lbs only (but I weight more in the evening after a lot of bloat). I'm about as bloated as I was at 4 weeks pregnant with IVF #1. DH thinks I might have lost muscle mass just resting a lot.

We got to eat out before the dr. appt. We were kinda rushed, but it was enjoyable. I was scared to be out and eating since I've only been at home. I was having some bh contractions - not sure because I went down the stairs or I was out and about going to the dr. (or just because I was scared to be walking around). Those stopped when I was at the drs office. DH dropped me off at the front of the drs. office, so I didn't have to walk too much.

Dr. measured h/b on the doppler and it was 157. He said 'you can hear the baby kicking'. Of course, I can't feel him yet.

Well, DH asked my obgyn some of the same questions he asked the peri. My obgyn is much more conservative. After hearing his responses, my DH is much more comfortable with how I am dealing with this pregnancy. (resting a lot). My obgyn said if I sit still and don't move for hours in the same position like being on an airplance- yeah I can get a bloodclot, but getting up to go the bathroom quite a bit keeps me OK. DH was happy to hear that since my peri was so vocal about me not resting at all. I'm glad my DH finally sees what I am doing is good. He left it in my hands previously, but I think in the back of his mind he was scared I was hurting myself. My obgyn said 'of course they told you no sex' and I said 'remember I told you peri says sex is ok, so they didn't tell me NOT TO'- But I said 'you know we aren't doing anything - nothing in the there at all.'

My blood pressure is great - something I worry about with all the salty foods I eat and not being active. I have low blood pressure normally.

Have a great weekend! I may be updating only once a week for awhile.

Guess Who Is Coming to Dinner?

2008-08-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies is being shown for free near my city -in an outdoor event. It would be fun to go, but I'm glad I'm doing everything possible to keep this baby baking. I did happen to see part of this movie on tv yesterday. It's such a great movie - I love Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.

We told 2 close friends over the weekend about the pregnancy. One was not surprised as she is the one who had pretty much guessed for awhile.

My mom asked me how far along I was today (she keeps forgetting) and I told her 'almost 16 weeks' and she said 'i need to know in months'. I know that is how things were done when she was pregnant, but that's not how most people do it today. My mom had 4 kids, but doesn't remember giving birth - it amazes me.

It will be a hard week this week, since this is the point in the pregnancy where everything went wrong last time. I'm very hopeful that the cerclage is going to work though. Have a great week everyone!

Premature statistic

2008-08-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I posted this link on the IC forum to see what people thought.

http://www.surgeryencyclopedia.com/Ce-Fi/Cervical-Cerclage.html

Male fetuses are more likely to be born prematurely and have a higher rate of fetal death than female fetuses (a difference of 2.8–9.8%).

I think if you have incompetent cervix, it doesn't matter if you have a boy or a girl - it is still going to not hold up (without help). I think these are general statistics, not specific to IC.

I was scared to find out that I was having a boy as I know girls do much better if they are born premature. But I'm happy that I'm blessed to be pregnant and we are happy with just a healthy baby - no matter the sex.

On another subject, people asked why I still see my peri. I think he is the best in my city for the cerclage surgery. I think he is pretty good in general, just very relaxed. He is the same for all his patients as I mentioned previously that my friend goes to him and he told her she would be fine after she lost one of her twins and was at risk of going into labor (before viability). She did more bedrest than he said and I think that was good for her as she is ok now. She called him 'flippant'. My peri does make sense in his advice. To be honest, most peris don't believe in bedrest. Part of the reason I don't trust him or other drs. like this is because they can't easily tell women 'you should be in bed resting' because then if the women did everything they could still sue them. I guess they could still sue them if they say 'go waterskiing'. :) I don't trust any dr. 100%. If I went to a new peri, it would probably be the same - he would say not to do bedrest. Even though my friend thinks he is too lenient, she still sees him too. You have to listen to your drs., but you also have to listen to your body.
I'm annoyed half the time with my RE as he is late constantly, he answers his cell phone while doing u/s on me, and he doesn't pay attention all the time. He is late for no good reason too. At least my obgyn is late because he is delivering babies, but my RE is late because he was 'on the phone' or 'at lunch'. But I think he is the BEST in my state at what he does! I would rather have a great doctor than one who just has the best bedside manner.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Post-op checkup

2008-07-29T17:20:00.000-07:00

Today was my post-op checkup. A week ago or so, I decided I would only go downstairs to go to the doctor. I would have to go to the doctor about 5 times before viability (to peri and obgyn).
Yesterday, in reading responses from some people on the incompetent cervix forum, I decided I would not do stairs until viability. I would spend my time downstairs and go take a shower once a week at my father in laws. So I decided 'no stairs until viability'.
Well today I go to the doctor and their elevator is broken...what bad luck. It's only on the 2nd floor, but we debated what we should do. Had we gotten there 30 minutes later, I think the elevator was working by then. I decided to go up the stairs backwards to make my appt. It was quite a few amount of stairs. The elevator was fixed by the time we left.
I tell the nurse my symptoms since the cerclage. She writes a few stuff down, not everything. Then an u/s tech comes in and asks my DH and I if we would like to know the sex of the baby. We said 'yes'. Well, she is looking at the cervical length and measured it at 2.3cm. That got me very concerned. She then said the baby is a 'boy'. DH was shocked as he thought it was a girl. She even took a picture for us of the boy parts. :) Baby's heartrate was 158 bpm, I believe. She told me I was having braxton hicks contractions at the time of the u/s and some uterine contractions. That concerns me too, but my peri said it is fine.
Well, she doesn't measure the baby and she said the peri will come in later. We wait for him and I just keep telling DH that 2.3 is NOT GOOD especially w/a cerclage. I had 2.5mm around this time last time, but did not have a cerclage. I was so scared, but trying to remain calm. I was thinking maybe my length was shorter due to the stairs or maybe the contractions. I made sure my bladder was empty, so the cervical length was accurate. My peri's office only does abdominal scan - unless they can't get a good reading. I've read online that transvaginal scans are much better for measuring cervical length. Also girls on the forums say this too...
Peri comes in and asks how things are going. I just said 'i'm worried about my length'. He went on the u/s machine and measured my cervix. He measured it at 3.6 or 3.7 cm - much better. He measured it twice. He said my cervix has a kink in it, so maybe she didn't measure it correctly. He showed me where the stitch is.
I ask him 'when am I out of the danger zone for infection?'. He says '11 days ago'. He has all the *right* answers, it is so hard to trust him, but I have no choice.
DH and I asked about the day of the surgery when he said my cervix was open already. He said it was open from the bottom (external os), not the internal os (top) as it was last time. He said it is worse when the top is opening.
I'm trying to write this down here for myself mainly so I can remember what we asked him.
I told him I am taking it easy for the next 10 weeks. He said he does not recommend bed rest in fact he said this 'you could get a blood clot in the leg that goes to your heart and your baby will not have a mommy'. Gee, thanks.
He said 'you can do anything now' except waterskiing and skiing and trampolines. His lecture convinced my DH that I can do almost anything, but my DH says he trusts me to do what I think and feel comfortable with.
I'm also not going to take a shower daily as other girls online don't do that either.
I want to believe my peri - he said bedrest doesn't help. I told him 'well, my cervix opened last time at 13 weeks and I had been walking 5K races and doing a lot and this time it opened anyway at 12 weeks 4 days and I was doing as little as possible in the first tri'. He said he agreed. He is so confident about the cerclage. He said 'you are fine - now that you have the cerclage you are good! you can do anything! you will have a screaming baby next year'. I said 'thanks to you'. Nothing seemed to concern him, but like I have stated previously - he thinks everyone is going to be ok.
DH asked about preterm labor and he said i'm no more at risk for getting that than any *normal* person - 1 in 8. A lot of girls online do p17 (progesterone) shots for calming the uterus. My peri doesn't believe in these, so I'm not on those.

Peri said that cervical length doesn't matter anyway. If any girls from the IC forum are reading this, they will scream! He says 'even if it was 2.3cm, it doesn't mean anything'. He said the most important thing is that the cervix is closed. He said length doesn't matter-as long as I have the cerclage. He said length isn't accurate before a certain time anyway. From what I read cervical length does go up and down, but bedrest seems to help a lot of people. From what I read, cervical length seems to go down the bigger the baby gets. This makes me nervous - if it really was 2.3cm.

I may do the stairs tomorrow and stay upstairs for another week before my next appt. I'm not going to be on bedrest for the next 10 weeks, but I'm remaining at home as much as possible. My friend had a transabdominal cerclage and she was on bedrest for 5 months. (and those hold up a lot better than the transvaginal cerclage). She suggested I only do stairs to see the dr. She said she didn't do stairs at all.

I told my mom about the sex of the baby. She is happy for us. I figured if something happened, I would rather my immediate family know the sex. I never wanted to be the person to find out, but I'm glad I found out this way. My DH wanted to know.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Found some info on grandfather

2008-07-28T10:18:00.001-07:00

Last night I was looking for information on my grandfather, since I am bored and spend a lot of time on the computer these days. I found his death certificate, which lists his parents names. I called my mom immediately to tell her. She knew his mom's name first name, but not maiden name. She knew her dad's last name, but not his first name.

And then I found a contact who volunteers with the US Gen Web project. I emailed her some information last night and she found quite a bit of information for me today. Yea!!

My grandfather was raised by his grandparents not his parents- which is why he had a different last name. His mom had another son and named him the same name - with the right last name. Geez! Why do people have to really mess up things by having 2 sons w/the same name? Of course, on both brother's death certificates, they misspell their parents name which makes it harder to track things.

I think I am done searching for awhile and will let my mom have a go at it with the information that I gave her. :)

It is interesting that my grandmother had a stillborn baby boy. I'm not sure my mom told me that before (or she even knew). I knew they had a baby girl that died at 2 years old from pneumonia. That was in the records too.

The other day, I was searching on my dad's side, while looking for my mom's family. My dad's side is more established with names spelled the right way, etc. A relative does genealogy for my dad's side, so there is a lot of information that she has found. I found a relative (distant, but maybe an ancestor), who had lost so many babies at birth. I wonder why she lost so many? Could she have had IC like me? It made me sad, but also made me think that she must have been strong to keep going as she did. She did survive. She lost: 1 baby at birth, 4 babies less than 8 days old, 1 baby at 2 years old. It was the early 1900s and she lived in a desolate location. (far from hospitals)

Even when doing something not baby related - it all comes back to stillbirth and pregnancy loss. The women I have met online who have been through loss of life are the strongest women I know.

Thanks Niobe-http://deadbabyjokes.blogspot.com/- for letting me know other sources on where to find relatives - that really helped in my search!!

No dice on finding my grandfather

2008-07-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

I still haven't found my grandfather. It is hard since he was born in a small town in 1900. I have a feeling he had a different name or they mispelled it. (and they weren't good with records at that time).
I've called the state library twice with two different names. My mom was going to try a new name today.
I hope we can find him. It is so sad my mom doesn't know her real last name - her parents died when she was so young. :(
I appreciate that I have a father.

I'm feeling pretty good today. Yesterday I had some cramping, but it stopped. I'm talking to many girls who just had a cerclage too and they have about the same symptoms that I do. Some have worse symptoms and had their cerclage the week before me, but it also depends on the type of cerclage you get.

My breasts started hurting last night pretty badly. I called my peri's office today and they said 'it is normal'. I haven't had sore breasts the entire 1st trimester.

I hope everyone is having a great week.

In search of my grandfather...

2008-07-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

My grandfather would have been 108 this year. He died very early - in his 50s. My mom was very young when he died.

She wants to get his birth certificate, so I'm trying to help her. She never knew if he was adopted by a relative or not, so it may be a challenge in finding his birth certificate. (especially since it is from 1900).

Saturday I received a care package from one of my friends. It was so nice of her.

I've been feeling pretty good, but taking it very, very easy. I only get up twice a daily to spend less than 30 minutes on my main computer. I work from home - on my computer- in bed. I only get up to get a quick lunch and to go to the bathroom.
I have one more week until my follow up appt. I hope the stitch is holding and the baby is doing well.

Do you believe in angels?

2008-07-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

On the way to the surgery floor while on the elevator, a man started talking to my DH and asked him if he liked to read books. My DH was holding a big book in his hands -an IT technical book.
Well, he gave my DH a device to hold the book open, so you can just use one hand to hold the book. It was nice of him. He was first just showing my DH, and then gave it to him. As soon as he gave it to him, he got off on his floor. DH and I just looked at each other and my DH is not religious, but I told him later that I think that guy was an angel - trying to give us a good sign that everything was going to be ok. My DH said 'well this device looks like an angel'. It was a weird experience and even my DH thought so. It is nice when people are kind to strangers like that. I believe angels can embody people. The day of our surgery is an important day to us. It is the birthday of 3 people very close to us. (including my grandfather who passed away last year).

I told my friend who lost one of her twins that I was pregnant via email. We aren't telling most of our friends for a few more weeks. She ended up calling me to talk. We have the same peri and she said she was advised to get the cerclage after her first twin was lost. It turned out she didn't need it - just bedrest- and now she is past viability. It was great to talk to her. She said when she lost the baby, our peri told her she still could do a lot. She said her obgyn is much more conservative than the peri. I told her I agree and my obgyn is the same way. I told her that I like our peri, but I think I'll be much more conservative with my pregnancy than he thinks I need to be. She agreed that our peri just thinks things will work out for people. We also both have the same RE. We have so much in common. We both went through infertility had to do IVF/ICSI because of sperm issues. She said she was jealous that I got pg on our own. She is happy for us though. Her DH sent out a email to a few of us this week about the loss of the twin. It must be so difficult to go through.

I've been feeling pretty good the past 2 days - no cramping and very little spotting. I am praying everything is ok with the baby. I debated if I should move in with my FIL because he has a one-story. He said that was ok, so I may do that if I need to (if my cervical length shrinks, etc).

Have a great weekend everyone!

Baby on Lock Down - Cerclage Story

2008-07-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

On the way to the surgery center - not a hospital, my DH was saying we may not need the cerclage but it is better to have it then to not.
Well, if there is any doubt that I have an incompetent cervix, there is doubt no more. My peri said (and this was after surgery, so I wasn't quite coherent) that my cervix was already opening from the top. He didn't sound worried about it. I'll have to talk to him about it at my follow up visit in 2 weeks. I read all the time that people think changes to the cervix can't happen before 13 weeks. They are wrong. Last time I was 13 weeks exactly when my cervix was funneling (baby was measuring ahead last time). This time I was gestionally 12 weeks 4 days - probably measuring ahead - probably 13 weeks and it was opening again. And I have done NOTHING but lay around most of the day - very miminal walking to go to the bathroom.

We got to the surgery center around 1030am for my 1230pm surgery. Not eating after midnight was killer especially with a baby in there who is hungry.
I got dressed. The anestiosiologist came to talk with me and told me the sedation that they use will not hurt the baby. My peri calls it general anethesia, but it is just heavy sedation through an IV. I think I was sedated 5-10 minutes or less than 5 minutes.

Peri came to talk to me before the surgery. I asked to see the u/s before I was put under. Peri said they do an u/s before and after. He said I would be out by the 2nd u/s. Baby's h/b was the same before and after the surgery. Baby was moving around before the surgery.

I think we started the surgery at 1230pm as my peri arrived later. DH says I was in the operating room a total of 5 minutes - he read 2 pages. He was reading a technical book - with huge pages. That 5 minutes I wasn't asleep as I got to see the u/s before I was put under.

Peri said the surgery was successful. I asked him quite a few questions as they don't have post-opp written instructions. I can't remember a lot of what I asked him, but DH was there to hear things. They gave me cranberry juice. I went to the bathroom before I left and I had some red streaks of discharge. They told me that was normal. We left the surgery center at 2ish. I was not hungry at all. Anethesia can do that to you. I also threw up on the car ride home. That happened last year as well during surgery I had where I had anethesia. Before surgery, they wanted to give me anti-nausea medicine, but I told them I wanted to minimize what the baby was exposed to.

I came home and was in pain most of the afternoon/evening. I didn't take my pain meds. I had abdominal cramping, which they told me was normal. I felt really out of it. I had cramping all night, which made it hard to sleep. I slept downstairs the first night. I came upstairs late yesterday.

I had spotting that day and the next day I had pink spotting and quite a bit stretchy/mucus pink discharge (sorry for TMI). I had some diarrhea which can happen with antibiotics. That is when I had the stretchy pink discharge. I called my peri's office and they said it was normal. Spotting can occur for weeks, but it is so scary especially when you are pregnant - even if you know it is coming. Today, very little spotting. Most of what I have had - is only when wiping - not bleeding onto the pad - except for right after surgery.

Thanks for the prayers! I appreciate them - keep them coming! I'm hoping this stitch will hold up until viability. My next milestone is to make it these 2 weeks and hope there is no infection. I am concerned w/infection if I got it when my cervix was opening.

So far so good....

Cerclage Scheduled!

2008-07-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

My peri's office never called me back, so I called them this morning.
They said my cerclage is scheduled for Tuesday. Yea!
I'm glad I called them. I'm so happy as when I talked to my peri on Tuesday he said it was more likely going to be the end of next week or the following Monday. (22nd)

On another positive note, I got approval from my manager to start working from home next week. I used to work from home all the time, I was on a special program w/work, but I moved to a new group that didn't want to honor people doing that. But she has been generous to allow me to do this - we aren't sure yet how we will tell my coworkers though. I don't want to tell people at work that I'm pregnant. We had a staff meeting today and I was hoping she would mention it to people. She just approved it without saying she needed to talk to her manager - who disapproves of people working from home. Yea!! I hope she doesn't change her mind. I had a feeling she would approve it, but I was scared if she would not approve it.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Prayers for a friend

2008-07-08T14:25:00.000-07:00

Something I forgot to mention....
One of my friends did IVF with my same RE as me. We have gotten closer, but haven't hung out since she got pregnant. I used to work with her DH.

I emailed her today to ask about her anniversary and if she was going on a babymoon. As last time we emailed each other, she wanted to get away for awhile in her 2nd tri. She had bad m/s her entire pregnancy so she was advised not to go to her specific destination.

She emailed me back to say she lost one of her twins. She was pregnant with boy/girl twins and lost the girl. I'm not sure how far along she is, but she is due in October. I think she is between 24 and 26 weeks. I'm not sure when she lost the other twin. I didn't want to ask too many questions. It is so heartbreaking. Life is so fragile.

Please spare a prayer for her and her DH.

NT Scan went great!

2008-07-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the prayers ladies! It helped. I know some of you don't believe in God. ;) But thinking good thoughts helps too...

We had genetic counseling. We do have some down syndrome and other mental retardation in both our families.

After that, we had our u/s and they measured the fluid in the baby's neck. I was concerned yesterday for nothing regarding this. The baby is fine. The baby was measuring correctly had a h/b of 168 bpm and was sleeping. I'm sometimes concerned when the baby doesn't move too much, but the u/s tech said it was ok. The baby was curled up in a corner, but in a great position to measure the spine. Yesterday, it moved around a little, but not too much.

After that, the peri reviewed my results with me and looked at my cervix and did an internal exam. My cerclage isn't scheduled yet but should be scheduled for less than 2 weeks from today. I hope it is late next week. He did see pink/brown blood on my cervix. That explains why I told the nurse I feel like my cervix is irritated. It's weird that I can feel that. No bleeding today. He told me it was probably part of the placenta that broke off - which he says is ok. He said based on the u/s pic, my placenta is over my cervix, which he says is normal for this stage in pregnancy. DH asked the peri a lot of questions and seems to really like him.

Since I'll be 36 when I deliver, my odds are this:

Down Syndrome - normally 1 in 233, but for me it was 1 in 718 - printout says equivalent to a 29 year old. Yea!

Trisomy 18/13- normally 1 in 412, but for me it was 1 in 8,221 - equivalent to a 20 year old. (!!)

I know I still have a chance for these, but I'm glad that I don't have to have an amnio and I can move forward with the cerclage.

Thanks for your support ladies!!! It is so nice to have the kind support of strangers - well online friends.

Emergency u/s today

2008-07-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

I woke up to pink spotting this morning. I called my peri's office and they said to call my obgyn. Apparently they can't seem me without a referral... So I got in with my obgyn's office (not my obgyn) at 930am for an u/s.

The u/s tech is so thorough and spent more than 30 minutes looking at my uterus, cervix and the baby.

Baby is fine. Measuring correctly - I am 11 w 3 days and the baby was measuring 11 w 5 days or greater. H/B was fine.

Cervix is fine. No funneling. It measured between 2.8 and 3.0 when my bladder was almost empty. I told u/s tech it has gone down in 2 weeks. While I was on the u/s machine, my bladder filled up. When my bladder was full, my cervix was over 4. Cervix is closed on both sides.

After the u/s (external one), I had more spotting, and a tiny red blood clot. After that, the nurse practioner saw me and looked at my cervix. She said it was closed, but she said she saw blood in my vagina. In looking at my u/s pictures, she said my bleeding was unexplainable. But she said she saw something that might be a subchronic (sp?) hemmorrage. I was advised by her to take today and tomorrow off until my NT scan. I came home to rest and not work at all.

My NT scan is tomorrow, but I'm very scared. I'm scared something is wrong with the baby and maybe that is why I am bleeding. I keep telling myself that I don't have cramping and don't have more spotting, etc. I constantly look at the u/s pics and think something is wrong with the baby. I'm praying so hard for a good NT scan and the thumbs up for my cerclage.

If you read my blog, please say a prayer for me. I appreciate it!

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-04T16:20:00.001-07:00

We told our immediate family today - well most of them. I didn't want to bother my sister as she is on vacation in a remote location. I'm not sure she can even get calls where she is. She is trying to get pregnant too (and is younger than me). I am sure she will be happy for us. She's been trying for a few months only and already getting antsy that it hasn't happened. I hope she doesn't have to go through what I have - trying for so many years.

We are waiting to tell friends for awhile and extended family.

My FIL told me something today that was bittersweet. He said that he noticed the other day at the cemetary that my son's birthday is the same as his father's. That made me happy and sad at the same time.

I hope everyone has a Happy 4th!

OBGYN appt yesterday

2008-07-03T13:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had my 2nd obgyn appt. I thought they were going to do an u/s as last time they didn't do one. They also said when they did a pap smear they would ensure all was closed w/my cervix. I wish I had an u/s, but that's ok.

I had my pap smear. Thankfully no spotting from it - as that just makes people more nervous.
I was so nervous last time to get one of these - I was constantly googling about this. I'm glad I went through with it. I think it was fine to do it. Last time, my obgyn kept not being available and they wanted to stick me with the nurse practioner. Their usual tactic at my obgyn's office as my dr. is constantly running behind. So last time I never got a pap smear and then I lost the baby at almost 16 weeks. My obgyn was never available to do the pap, although I had many appts before 16 weeks. This time, they also wanted someone else to do it as my obgyn was going to be out fo the country for a few weeks. I'm glad I waited for him to come back since he is so gentle. I love my obgyn! He told me my cervix was closed and discharge around it was normal. Last time when I had funneling at 13 weeks, my cervix was closed from the outside, but opening from the inside (internal OS).

It's interesting that my obgyn really likes my peri, but recommended the opposite of what he has. My peri as mentioned before, was my peri when I lost the baby. I trust him, but his office messed up w/me last time. My cervical length last time was 2.5 a few days beforeThanksgiving and they didn't think I needed a cerclage. But they also didn't tell me it was that low, or I would have been on bedrest last time and not gone out of town for Thanksgiving. I lost my son 1 week after Thanksgiving. Anyway, back to my point. My peri is constantly saying once I get the cerclage I can be like a regular pregnant woman (I can run, I can have sex, I can swim, etc). Since he says stuff like this, my DH believes that. Well, I already made a decision about no sex (and of course no swimming or running or even walking). I also am not following his advice that I will be 'normal'. I plan to work from home and be home-bound. The peri said that is ok, as long as I'm not in bed all day. Well, my obgyn yesterday told me 'I wouldn't have sex after the cerclage'. I told him, 'oh I'm not going to'. I then told him peri said I could do anything. He said he disagrees a little bit, but he said 'i'm more conservative than he is'.

The reason I'm sticking with this peri is because I honestly think he is the best in my city for applying the cerclage. As far as care outside that, I need more time w/him to make a decision. I think with the cerclage I'll get better care in general.

I had the 7 vials of blood taken yesterday. Ugh, I hate blood normally and I've been pretty good with blood draws for IVF. But this was so much more...my blood was coming out so slowly.

I have my NT scan next week. I'm anxious, but hopeful everything is ok. Praying daily seems to help me feel confident about this pregnancy.

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July!!!

I need to stop worrying so much

2008-06-30T06:31:00.001-07:00

I seem to be worrying a lot lately. I have some vaginal discharge, but my peri said it was ok. I just worry. It's clear with a cast of yellow.
It's hard for me to believe that everything is going to be OK for this pregnancy.
I worry what if the baby has something wrong with her/him and my peri doesn't want to do the cerclage.
I worry what if they find abnormal cells on my pap smear. I'm very prone to that happening since that is how I got an incompetent cervix in the first place. A long time ago, my obgyn told me that I couldn't feel when I had abnormal cells, but I told him I sometimes could feel something down there. (and then it turned out something was wrong at that time).
I guess it's hard for me to believe since last pregnancy my cervical changes happened so much earlier than most girls have (girls with IC, that is). I have the same drs. Although I have to believe in them, there is doubt since they messed up with me last time. My peri messed up, not my obgyn's office. I do think they are taking my case more seriously this time, but my peri reminded me last time that they usually don't do the stitch until 2 or 3 losses. Why are drs. like that? Why should women have to lose even one baby? I was high risk because of past trauma to my cervix (freezing surgery, LEEP), but yet my drs didn't monitor me last time. I was being monitored for cysts from IVF, not a short cervix.
Praying does help. It helps keep me calm - especially doing it before I go to bed.
I need to take my old advice and stop worrying until the challenge presents itself. (take things one day at a time) Everything is out of my hands and in God's hands. I do have hope that things will work out.

U/S with Peri

2008-06-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

I had my u/s with my high risk peri today as well as a consult with him.
The baby is fine. HR is 171 -Very similar to my last pregnancy. Baby was supposed to be 9 weeks 4 days and measured that exactly today.
I go back in 2 weeks for my NT scan and then a week or so later -I get the cerclage.
I'm praying all is well with the baby and that I don't have to do an amnio or CVS. I'm 35 and will be 36 when the baby is born, so they did do the ultra screen. My peri says he does not do a triple screen. So they pricked my finger today and got 5 big blood drops. Those results along with my NT scan will give an indication of my risk for down syndome or a chromosome abnormality.
I'm concerned about having a pap smear next week, but my peri said it is fine. My obgyn also said that.
My peri sounds very confident in my case, but as stated previously on my blog - he is very sure of himself and confident. This can be good or bad. :) I asked him again about infection after the cerclage and he said it has never happened to any of his patients. I see a lot of people on the IC forum that have this, so it just surprises me. I told him since I had an infection last time, am I at a higher risk for this after the cerclage and he said no. I asked him would I get general anesthesia or an epidural and he said 'general'. A lot of girls on the IC forum, warn about general anesthesia because they say epidural is safer for the baby. My peri said there is no evidence that general anesthesia could hurt the baby. I know many people get this and they are fine, so I have to trust my dr.
They actually did the scan today on my belly. I didn't know they could do it that early (not via vaginal u/s). My peri's office has the best equipment though, so their machines might be more advanced than my obgyn or RE's office.
Thanks for reading and have a great week!

Everyone seems to know...

2008-06-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

So last Sunday, my DH was asked by one of his friends if I was pregnant - of course the guy hadn't seen me in weeks. He is my friend's husband and I haven't seen her lately either.
I saw them later that day - after he asked my DH. My DH didn't answer yes or no, just said 'we are still trying'.
I think my friends suspect since I haven't been doing much lately (no running events, etc). This is my friend who wants children but her DH doesn't. She will have to convince him to change his mind, but she may be able to do that. I just feel like even if they know or suspect, they shouldn't ask. It's kinda rude.
Yesterday, I went to a bday party for a child and my BIL asked my DH if I was pregnant. Again, he didn't answer yes or no. My BIL said he noticed a bump on me. I do have some bloating.
We aren't sure when we are going to tell friends or work. I want to tell immediate family on July 4th. I'll have to have my cerclage between 12 and 13 weeks (mid July) and then I'll have to be off for 2 weeks - so I need to tell work soonish - but I think I will wait until my NT scan to tell work.
We don't want to tell a lot of people until we get past a certain point - we will tell close friends and immediate family, but not sure about extended family.

Today, after complaining about no m/s yesterday - I felt sick. I went to eat breakfast/lunch with DH. He got lunch, I got breakfast. It took awhile for our food to get to us and my stomach was hurting from not eating. DH admitted he felt nauseous too before we got out food. I took a few bites and felt very sick. I was very close to vomiting. I had to stop eating for awhile. I'm already very weird about eating eggs, but had no problem with the eggs at this place. I just kept thinking if I threw up - I would definitely hate eggs for A LONG time. I didn't want to throw up. DH told me to go to the car and he would pay. I tried to take a few more bites, but then finally left. I felt sick on the ride home and put the air conditioning on me. I couldn't eat much else the rest of the day. I hope I can get some dinner.